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Yup.. i get what you are saying... BOTH parents have to be all in... not just one or the other.
Absolutely, and this needs to be hammered out WELL in advance, and not something where a big incompatibility is not talked about, and then sprung after the fact, for instance.
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As such, the individual choice not to have to children should be respected.... even in marriage.
This is where I disagree...this is one area in a marriage where individual choice and marital connection can't really coexist if there is a fundamental difference. The choice not to have children on the part of one parent shouldn't trump the choice of the to have children, nor should the reverse be true. If your stances on this are contradictory, there's really no point in pursuing the partnership any further, because one person is always going to lose in a big, big way, no matter what.
If this incompatibility exists, it's seriously much better to cut your losses and move on to someone with a common stance. Who would resign themselves to a life where they are never going to have the children they want, or where they've been coerced into raising the children they never wanted? People begging for a lifetime of unhappiness, that's who.
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My wife is actually a therapist working in the school districts for children who suffer from emotional, mental, and behavioral disabilities. You never quite understand the parental plight until it directly impacts your family.
That's what I do as well...moving from special ed to direct counseling psych.
most want kids , my girlfriend and i are expecting a baby in august but she was a lot more enthusiatic about planning for children from early on , i am really looking forward now to the birth of my child but at this point in time i see us only having the one , i expect this to be an issue in our relationship eventually as im pretty sure she wants more than one , i told my partner a year ago i could only think about one at this stage , i know she would not have hung around if i completely ruled out kids however and i couldnt really complain , not wanting kids puts you in a relatively small minority and you might never find someon who feels the same
You do realize that this silly line can be applied to pretty much anything in life. Purchasing a house, car, playing a game, going for a walk, ect.
No.. It specific towards children. Many go into the decision process for children never acknowledging the possibility of medical problems. It is a lot more common than most think
This is where I disagree...this is one area in a marriage where individual choice and marital connection can't really coexist if there is a fundamental difference. The choice not to have children on the part of one parent shouldn't trump the choice of the to have children, nor should the reverse be true. If your stances on this are contradictory, there's really no point in pursuing the partnership any further, because one person is always going to lose in a big, big way, no matter what.
If this incompatibility exists, it's seriously much better to cut your losses and move on to someone with a common stance. Who would resign themselves to a life where they are never going to have the children they want, or where they've been coerced into raising the children they never wanted? People begging for a lifetime of unhappiness, that's who.
That's what I do as well...moving from special ed to direct counseling psych.
Actually I am not in disagreement. .. I agree with you. perhaps I dI'd not communicate it properly. In marriage meaning that the option to separate if both cannot come to an agreement on children. And of course not to even get married if the notion of having children are not aligned
No.. It specific towards children. Many go into the decision process for children never acknowledging the possibility of medical problems. It is a lot more common than most think
But the point does remain...it DOESN'T just apply to kids who may be healthy, or may be born with or develop serious illnesses and/or disabilities/congenital abnormalities.
Life is FULL of unanticipated occurrences that can throw curveballs into our lives and stress our relationships. This is true in many contexts beyond just having a child or children you assume/hope will be healthy but who are not.
My youngest cousin, a healthy young guy in his late twenties, two years ago got a headache that turned out to be a brain stem stroke. The trauma, his difficult rehab, and damage sustained by the stroke turned his life upside down and he and his girlfriend are no longer together due these combined stressors stemming from an unforeseen event. Nobody expects to have a stroke in their twenties. Having a relationship that is equipped to deal with unforeseen, difficult things comes into play for lots of things, not just childrearing.
Most people don't think in worst-case scenarios, because we're not naturally wired to do so. But it does bear asking yourself, when you are in a serious relationship, if you can really imagining it weathering major trauma and difficulties, and very seriously reflecting on that. No, you will never REALLY know until you are in it. But that doesn't mean that reflecting on it won't be helpful.
Actually I am not in disagreement. .. I agree with you. perhaps I dI'd not communicate it properly. In marriage meaning that the option to separate if both cannot come to an agreement on children. And of course not to even get married if the notion of having children are not aligned
Yep, we do agree on that.
You can never be 100% prepared for every possible combination of things life throws at you, but you can be BETTER prepared by carefully and wisely choosing a partner who aligns with you on major desires, goals and values.
Apparently if she's still with him. For some it's a deal breaker and for some it is not. This was a huge priority to me so before my husband and I even became boyfriend and girlfriend it was subtly talked about. We had a number that we both wanted by the time I said "yes" to marrying him. I would of had to walk if those were not things we saw eye to eye on.
I do not think married couples need to have children to be happy or to have a great marriage.....although I think they both should be in agreement about it before they actually marry...In your friends case im wondering why she got married to him if she knew she wanted kids and he didn't..
Many times the couple is in agreement at the time of the wedding. Then one changes their mind. I'm sure that has to be tough.
I hate to see when the parents of the couple put in their two cents. It is never the parents business if their children have children or not. It certainly doesn't help the situation if the children are not in agreement on this issue.
No.. It specific towards children. Many go into the decision process for children never acknowledging the possibility of medical problems. It is a lot more common than most think
You are trying really hard to sound thick, but I am confident you see the massive flaw in your argument. Same can be said for anything in life. Stop reaching...
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