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Anyone ever get this a lot? I usually dislike flirting, I feel like sleaze and rather unsexy when trying to do so. When I talk to women, I just speak normally and make the effort to be nice, considerate and polite. Not the most popular method for talking to women, but I find it serves me well.
I'm asking because I recently asked a few platonic friends about this, and just about all of them felt I was either trying to date them or get in their pants at some point, and even turned off some to keeping up with me. When I meet a woman and wish to become friends, I usually just invite them out for casual dates for lunch or coffee, so I don't know how I'm coming off as a horndog trying to go home with them. I usually tell people straight up about my feelings when I feel sexually attracted, or avoid the subject all together if I'm not.
Any idea?
You sound very platonic so that is strange mate
The only thing that springs to mind is your facial expressions or tone of voice/manner that might be off?, In other words in their eyes you might be saying and acting all platonic but if you are keep looking them up and down or sounding fake you are therefore coming across as a " horndog "
You can talk about the most non sexual thing in the world such as football, the news or even the gym..... But if you keep looking at them suggestively then it's counts for nothing mate as they will KNOW
Anyone ever get this a lot? I usually dislike flirting, I feel like sleaze and rather unsexy when trying to do so. When I talk to women, I just speak normally and make the effort to be nice, considerate and polite. Not the most popular method for talking to women, but I find it serves me well.
I'm asking because I recently asked a few platonic friends about this, and just about all of them felt I was either trying to date them or get in their pants at some point, and even turned off some to keeping up with me. When I meet a woman and wish to become friends, I usually just invite them out for casual dates for lunch or coffee, so I don't know how I'm coming off as a horndog trying to go home with them. I usually tell people straight up about my feelings when I feel sexually attracted, or avoid the subject all together if I'm not.
Any idea?
Problem #1 is the word "effort" I bolded. If you were truly a good guy and truly just wanted to be friends, then your politeness would come naturally.
Problem #2 is the "casual dates" bit. Guys don't invite women out on dates (even casual dates) for platonic purposes. So of course your platonic "friends" are feeling like you're trying to get in their pants and are turned off. You probably come across as dishonest and your actions, behavior and words don't match up. Friendship outings are often group outings with at least several people...parties, bars, NFL Sunday get-togethers, and so on. There may be the occasional one-on-one outing too of course...but usually after the friendship is well-established and secure.
Regardless of your intentions, it seems that you may be singling women out.
Lastly, most friendships tend to form and grow organically, with no forcing from anyone. The two people just have some things in common or just mesh well platonically, and things just naturally go from there. Eventually both of you just intuitively know that you're friends.
Anyone ever get this a lot? I usually dislike flirting, I feel like sleaze and rather unsexy when trying to do so. When I talk to women, I just speak normally and make the effort to be nice, considerate and polite. Not the most popular method for talking to women, but I find it serves me well.
I'm asking because I recently asked a few platonic friends about this, and just about all of them felt I was either trying to date them or get in their pants at some point, and even turned off some to keeping up with me. When I meet a woman and wish to become friends, I usually just invite them out for casual dates for lunch or coffee, so I don't know how I'm coming off as a horndog trying to go home with them. I usually tell people straight up about my feelings when I feel sexually attracted, or avoid the subject all together if I'm not.
Any idea?
This is what guys usually do when they're interested romantically. It's no wonder they're confused. I would be too.
I'm not one to ask my female acquaintances to "casual" coffees or lunches. That seems like a date. On the rare occasion that I am 1-on-1 with them it's usually for a very specific work-related purpose. I have had coffee with female co-workers but it was because they wanted to talk to me about a work thing in confidence.
I do know what the OP's talking about though.
Pretty much every woman I know has gotten nicer to me since I got married and ones that I've met since open up a lot faster. Weird. It's like before they were all anxious I was going to hit on them. For whatever reason, the ring puts them at ease to the extent that if I wanted to hit on them, it would be much easier.
Anyone ever get this a lot? I usually dislike flirting, I feel like sleaze and rather unsexy when trying to do so. When I talk to women, I just speak normally and make the effort to be nice, considerate and polite. Not the most popular method for talking to women, but I find it serves me well.
I'm asking because I recently asked a few platonic friends about this, and just about all of them felt I was either trying to date them or get in their pants at some point, and even turned off some to keeping up with me. When I meet a woman and wish to become friends, I usually just invite them out for casual dates for lunch or coffee, so I don't know how I'm coming off as a horndog trying to go home with them. I usually tell people straight up about my feelings when I feel sexually attracted, or avoid the subject all together if I'm not.
Any idea?
Maybe you could emphasise that it's coffee/lunch as just friends. Make it very clear that it's not a date. Other people won't always know about how you'ld normally behave when you are attracted.
The only thing that springs to mind is your facial expressions or tone of voice/manner that might be off?, In other words in their eyes you might be saying and acting all platonic but if you are keep looking them up and down or sounding fake you are therefore coming across as a " horndog "
Exactly! Also if he's constantly "checking out" women that makes me uncomfortable, I don't want to have coffee with someone who's doing that, no matter what the conversation. Some men do w/out even realizing it, if pointed out they say: "I'm a guy!" Well not ALL guys behave the same.
Like asking if they want to sleep over but not for sex.
That one is totally weird. Unless you're both 11 and have just finished watching Monsters University and polishing off an entire pizza and a bag of Doritos. And you've already called to arrange for Mom to bring over your toothbrush and pjs and pick you up in the morning.
I have heard it before. "She came over, fell asleep on my shoulder, then she moved to the bed and I slept on the couch..."
Do something gross in front of them. Burping out loud, picking your nose, expect.., that shows them you really want to be friends and not flirting with them.
This is one of the things I find the most confusing when dealing with men.. Figuring out wth they want from me. Being platonic is generally how I roll, but some men interpret that as flirting when it's clearly not.. I know what mutual attraction is & feels like ~ it's crazy obvious ~ so I don't understand how dudes get their wires crossed when it's not there on my end. It ruins it for everyone when we have to be guarded & suspicious of a man's true intentions...
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