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Much of my social and dating life has been based around the pub/bar scene and wouldn't change it for the world
And to be honest there's absolutely nothing wrong with the occasional " girls night out " and IMO it's essential to any relationship that a partner has some form of release and " let their hair down " so think it's wrong to hold that against someone
im sure she wouldn't hold your " nerdy/boring " occasional " boys night out " against you would she?
So I seem to regularly hit the same stumbling block in relationships and I'm wondering what other people find.
I tend to drink about 1 beer every 3 or 4 months, usually when I have dinner with one particular friend. I very much dislike bars, the drinking culture and drunk people. Don't get me wrong, in my younger days I was fairly wild and drank quite a bit. But at this point in my life I want to spend my Sundays hiking a few miles or riding a motorcycle for hours on end or skiing or anything active rather than nursing a hangover and watching TV in a room with the shades pulled.
So I want to date someone that drinks little to nothing as well. Several times now I have started to spend time with a woman and I have the conversation up front that I dislike drinking and the bar culture. Sometimes women tell me that they drink very little and all seems great. Until there's a girls night out. Then they go out half the night and get tanked. In the morning they are nursing a hangover and can't do anything interesting. When I ask how that constitutes not drinking much. Their response is always some variation of "well this is different, this is a girls' night out." So......somehow if you label it as a "girls' night out" then the behavior doesn't count?
When I point out that drunk is drunk regardless of how you label it the next part of the conversation always goes something like this..."so you're saying I can't spend time with my friends?" Huh? Where did that come into the conversation? Spend lots of time with your friends, but I'm not interested in dating a drunk, even if it's a once a month thing (or twice a year for that matter).
So that's pretty much the end of the relationship for me, I have no interest in binge watching a whole season of some ridiculous TV show on a weekend because my partner has a self inflicted illness.
So I'm curious as to others' experiences and opinions.....
If any of the rest of you are non-drinkers what do you find as to how it affects your relationships?
For those of you that do drink, have you had experiences where the amount one partner drinks vs. the other becomes an issue?
Am I completely off base with my expectations?
Thank you for the input.
So long as your girl does not get so drunk she falls off the back of your bike, I'm not too clear on what the problem is here?
My ex, bless her heart, came home from those Saturday nights feeling quite amorous. She was pretty sure that her drunken stupor and slurred speech were damned sexy, but I had my doubts .
Having said that OP, you have to pick your battles. Many people drink, and many do so responsibly enough and take "not tonight honey" gracefully. You seem kind of judgmental on this topic, and while that's your right, you're limiting your options severely if you require someone to match your sobriety. And that's fine also, as long as you take responsibility for your choice. And for what it's worth, I come from a long line of alcoholics and so I drink about as often as you.
yeah, I sometimes come home drunk and slurred speech and feel sick the next day. So what? I had fun, didn't do anything illegal or inappropriate and that should be all that matters.
OP comes across as super stuck up and I am pretty sure he has more extreme RULES and EXPECTATIONS regarding many other things.
Nothing wrong with wanting to find a partner who doesn't drink to the point of being wasted and having a series of hangovers. Since the girls nights out seem to be what instigates this, just have a conversation early on in the relationship about what a woman likes to do on her nights out with her friends. Have her tell you some stories. If they include getting drunk, then simply end things there.
Many people can drink socially and responsibly without getting drunk.
My husband doesn't drink, and expressly stated he preferred to date non or light drinkers in his profile. What you describe, OP, would be a deal-breaker for him. (he did at least try the champagne when we got married, but really, really disliked it.)
The last time I had an alcoholic drink was, gosh, almost a year ago. I'm not a non-drinker, I just drink very rarely.
I don't mind dating a woman that drinks occasionally and responsibly. I do mind (actually despise) when my date drinks any amount of alcohol and drives (I don't care if less than one beer). This has happen a couple times, and its not the type of woman I would like to date.
I don't mind dating a woman that drinks occasionally and responsibly. I do mind (actually despise) when my date drinks any amount of alcohol and drives (I don't care if less than one beer). This has happen a couple times, and its not the type of woman I would like to date.
You're right of course and luckily here cabs are ten a penny so on a date there is usually not this risk
I'm a non-drinker for allergy reasons. I don't really think a beer/wine or two at dinner is a deal breaker. Getting drunk monthly while going out with friends or going to a festival is also not a dealbreaker unless the guy is driving, in which case it's absolutely a dealbreaker. I'm ~40 at this point and it gets trickier when it comes to happy hours and whatnot (which are common in my field). If someone has to go every week and get trashed, that's a no go in my book. It's absolutely fine to have a drink or two, but I've worked at some places where the happy hour culture was such that heavy drinking was a requirement.
I know a few people in recovery, several people who are admitted alcoholics, and many others who really need treatment, so I don't even want to come close to dating someone with a problem. I have been interested in someone who I might have dated if he were not an alcoholic, but that just made it a total no go for me. He had the legendarily bad drunk behavior and we just had an agreement that we spent time together when he was sober.
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