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Your therapist has characterized him in a way that would make any spouse extremely leery ("traits of a sociopath" are vivid words to remember) ... presumably, you have listened to and carefully weighed his entire professional assessment of your husband.
Of course, the choice is yours. Even though emotions rule the day since it is difficult to walk away, whatever additional chance you give him must be with the stark realization on your part that you will be setting yourself up for more heartache. People with his issues are extremely unlikely to change, and his action concerning money in the joint account speaks volumes. A lie here, a lie there and soon you will wonder when the last time was that he spoke the truth to you.
Be verrry sweet and go with him to the bank to have the money put back. Then be verry quiet about planning your divorce. Have you ever heard of a Confidence Man? Well it seems you married one.
I would tell him that he needs to make the necessary calls to set up the counseling appointment within the next week, and to let me know when he has an appointment, and with whom, plus he needs to tell the counselor that I will be attending one of his first sessions with him (not negotiable), and then he can let me know the date and time set for his initial appointment, and when I will need to be there.
No excuses, no complaints or accusations that you don't trust him (because you can't, he has seen to that). If he says he doesn't know who to call or if he needs a list of names and phone numbers, I would help him out with that part and put the list in front of him within a couple of hours if not sooner.
I have actually done this in my own marriage, because I didn't know whether I could trust my husband to carry through on his promises. I also explained exactly why I was asking him to do this, that it was based on his past lack of follow through. (In our case, he did end up going to a counselor, and I did come along to some of the sessions and it helped both of us a great deal.)
Actions speak louder than words and if he doesn't do it, you'll have all the information you need about his sincerity.
I would tell him that he needs to make the necessary calls to set up the counseling appointment within the next week, and to let me know when he has an appointment ...
Yeah, that would be a very quick and easy way to test his commitment to his own promises.
Since my husband took $8000 from our joint account and put it in his individual account, things have been very bad. I am becoming more bitter towards him. I guess he started feeling bad because yesterday he said we need to talk. He said I just want you to listen. I agreed. Y'all, he told me everything I wanted to hear. He said he didn't think he was doing anything wrong by taking the money since he was going to pay bills with it. He said he was sorry for lying to me throughout our marriage, he said that he is going to go to counseling to work on him, put the money back, be a more loving husband. He asked me not to give up on him. He said he wants to do right by me. He really pulled at those heart strings and I would really like to believe him, but something tells me he's playing me. My therapist says he has traits of a sociopath (lying, charm, objectifying me, lack of sex, lack of remorse). I know I'm ruled by my emotions, should I give him a chance?
OP if you think he is playing start saving for your self. Do the best for you. But if I were you yes I will give him a chance and see if that is positive or negative. Be positive OP money is not everything. Was he a loving husband? Was abusive? About therapists I have no faith to be honest, but how come your therapist told you that he has traits of sociopath ? Does therapist talks to your husband and discuss that with you?
OP if you think he is playing start saving for your self. Do the best for you. But if I were you yes I will give him a chance and see if that is positive or negative. Be positive OP money is not everything. Was he a loving husband? Was abusive? About therapists I have no faith to be honest, but how come your therapist told you that he has traits of sociopath ? Does therapist talks to your husband and discuss that with you?
I know money isn't everything, but trust is. He committed financial infidelity. He was never physically or verbally abusive, but some of his sexual preferences were degrading to me. My therapist has not seen my husband. He is basing it off of the things I have told him.
I know money isn't everything, but trust is. He committed financial infidelity. He was never physically or verbally abusive, but some of his sexual preferences were degrading to me. My therapist has not seen my husband. He is basing it off of the things I have told him.
Is that the reason why there's no intimacy between you both? ( if you don't mind me asking )
Yes. Our sex life has always been more mechanical in nature. No emotional connection. He preffered to objectify me by treating me like a wanton woman.
Well that's an extremely rare and odd way to " make love " to your wife!!.
The emotional side of sex is what makes it better with someone you love. Honestly love my heart goes out to you
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