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Old 05-22-2016, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Berks County, PA
111 posts, read 515,330 times
Reputation: 33

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Just A Guy View Post
Don't expect to find a relationship with an emotionally healthy, normal woman who is attractive until you've been out of your marriage for at least a year. You are going to find that only women with pretty heavy issues are going to want to have something going with a recently divorced guy, especially one who is just now moving out of the house.
Really good point!

Having 2 meetups so far, I haven't seen anything from my potential new friend that raises any red flags for me. I can't say the same for her, because I don't know. She didn't bolt when she had to use the ladies room when we had drinks, and she is still receptive to communication, so that's a plus.
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Old 05-22-2016, 10:33 PM
 
Location: H-town, TX.
3,503 posts, read 7,474,192 times
Reputation: 2232
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76 View Post
I'm not sure what you're looking for there's not really a question in there. The only thing I can say is OLD women are really really flakey because they have so many options and the numbers game favors them immensely. She might be jumping into your lap tomorrow but next week she will poof on you and you'll never hear from her again.

Women using OLD can be really good players with some of them meeting 5 or more different guys in one week. This is point #1 all men must always remember in regards to OLD. Never get your hopes up this early in the game and make sure you're still trying to talk to other women and messaging other women.
OP should fine as far as using POF goes--not saying much there, but the tables in regards to gender imbalance have turned in his favor.

Hell, I believe most of my views on match when I've seen them on free days were 40+, easily. OP should have no issues unless he's looking for the 20-something crowd. Then, you're right on; he's SOL.
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Old 05-22-2016, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Denver and Boston
2,071 posts, read 2,202,606 times
Reputation: 3831
Quote:
Originally Posted by dcris View Post
It's another week and a half until I move in to my new place. I was not going to actively reach out until after that, but she contacted me.

Get a jar for those dollars.
Now you are in kind of a spot. It seems like you have the potential to focus too much on this one woman. I would recommend messaging a few other women now even if you are not going to meet them for a week and a half. Even if the other women do not respond, the fact that you messaged them will reduce anxiety related to the first woman.
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:01 AM
 
Location: West Coast - Best Coast!
1,979 posts, read 3,517,173 times
Reputation: 2343
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76 View Post
I'm not sure what you're looking for there's not really a question in there. The only thing I can say is OLD women are really really flakey because they have so many options and the numbers game favors them immensely. She might be jumping into your lap tomorrow but next week she will poof on you and you'll never hear from her again.

Women using OLD can be really good players with some of them meeting 5 or more different guys in one week. This is point #1 all men must always remember in regards to OLD. Never get your hopes up this early in the game and make sure you're still trying to talk to other women and messaging other women.
I think that this varies greatly depending on age. Maybe 20-something women are flaky, but I wouldn't think that women in their 30s-40s would be. I know for me (age 38) I feel no need to beat around the bush and make plans with men I'm not into; I don't play games, and if I don't want to go out, I'll politely decline an invitation.

This "flaky" thing has been around for ages. It just used to be that instead of people not returning texts or OLD messages, they ignored phone calls. There's nothing new about it or OLD-related about it. It's just immature!
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:07 AM
 
Location: West Coast - Best Coast!
1,979 posts, read 3,517,173 times
Reputation: 2343
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert5 View Post
Now you are in kind of a spot. It seems like you have the potential to focus too much on this one woman. I would recommend messaging a few other women now even if you are not going to meet them for a week and a half. Even if the other women do not respond, the fact that you messaged them will reduce anxiety related to the first woman.

Why? It doesn't sound like the OP is in a rush. I totally understand the boat he's in, as I'm going through the same thing myself. Now, as a lady, the options for me online are overwhelming; in just a week I've been messaged by a couple hundred men, but only a handful are ones I've even responded to. But it takes a lot of energy to communicate with more than a couple people at a time, so I'm kinda sticking with the two I have now and will see where those go. If they don't go anywhere, I'll maybe open contact with someone after that. There is no rush to OMG MUST MEET SOMEONE NOW TO SETTLE DOWN WITH OR GO OUT WITH EVERY NIGHT BEFORE THEY"RE ALL GOOOOOONE.
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Old 05-23-2016, 11:08 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,087,437 times
Reputation: 11796
My best advice is to try to have a thick skin and not take things personally. I had a few great dates with people and then never heard from them again. I actually dated a few people for a month or so and then they faded out or ended things for no reason that made sense to me. You just can't really know what the other person has going on in their life, who else they might be seeing, personal things going on, baggage from the past. It's easy to ask yourself what you may have said or done wrong, but there's just no point in it. Always keep looking forward. It helps if you can try not to have any expectations. I would get so excited when I had a great date with someone. I would assume they felt the same way and things were going somewhere, but you can never be sure.

It sounds like you don't really have any major issues from your divorce which is great. There will be women who will have no problem giving you a chance and others who will avoid you like the plague when they hear recently divorced. It's not ideal at all that you live with your ex still, but I don't see where it hurts to have a drink with someone or whatnot. Just take things slow and enjoy!
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Berks County, PA
111 posts, read 515,330 times
Reputation: 33
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
My best advice is to try to have a thick skin and not take things personally. I had a few great dates with people and then never heard from them again. I actually dated a few people for a month or so and then they faded out or ended things for no reason that made sense to me. You just can't really know what the other person has going on in their life, who else they might be seeing, personal things going on, baggage from the past. It's easy to ask yourself what you may have said or done wrong, but there's just no point in it. Always keep looking forward. It helps if you can try not to have any expectations. I would get so excited when I had a great date with someone. I would assume they felt the same way and things were going somewhere, but you can never be sure.

It sounds like you don't really have any major issues from your divorce which is great. There will be women who will have no problem giving you a chance and others who will avoid you like the plague when they hear recently divorced. It's not ideal at all that you live with your ex still, but I don't see where it hurts to have a drink with someone or whatnot. Just take things slow and enjoy!

This! I think you've nailed it! I do recognize that I could use a thicker skin...that's the overthinking aspect I recognize.

One of the things I tell myself is that it ok to have high hopes, but have no expectations.

Part of my problem is that I never had much of a dating life. I was a late bloomer and had 2 long term relationships. There were a couple of quick, short term ones, a long time ago.

The excitement of this all is quite a rush that I haven't had in a long time. Fortunately, living with the ex is finished in less than 2 weeks. We are both looking forward to getting on with our lives and doing what we need to do.
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Richmond VA
6,874 posts, read 7,848,869 times
Reputation: 18199
Sounds like you are on the right track.

I'm 48, so I might be in your search pool if I lived near you (I don't). I have no interest whatsoever in dating someone who lives more than 30 minutes away. That's a drag. I wouldn't want to date you if you were still co-habiting with your ex, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it if I met you first and saw evidence that you are in the process of moving. I also prefer to date guys who are OFFICIALLY divorced but I've made a few exceptions. I never want to be the first woman a guy goes out with after he splits up, I prefer he have a few first dates under his belt and maybe had sex with someone so he's gotten the wrinkles out.

And never contact someone you aren't prepared to meet within a weeks time. No one on OLD really wants a pen pal. Women don't really want to be friends. We can be friends if things don't work out but it's really more like a lucky leftover. Most people do rush into intimacy thinking that the other person wants it or needs it and they themselves really want it or need it, but it really is 'okay to take things slow' if that's what you want.

I would not be disappointed if you didn't kiss me the first or second time we met. But third date? Time for you to kiss her, assuming that you want to, and make it very sweet and sultry, look into her eyes and lean in slowly. Just a hint of a pause about half an inch from her lips. We all want to feel pursued...like the other person can't resist, but some of us are still a little old fashioned and want the guy to kiss us first. Sometimes there's banter involved, but if banter fails, it's a turn off, so I prefer no banter re the kiss.

I'm currently dating a guy who just joined OLD and has no idea what he's doing. It's really cute. He's confident in himself in general, but befuzzled by OLD.

Good luck! Just be a kind person, and be positive with everyone you meet. That's my goal...have a positive experience even if I don't want to see the person again. I've learned something from everyone I ever went out with.
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:39 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,916,795 times
Reputation: 26919
Hmm. Sounds like you're having fun, OP, and exploring new options at a casual pace. IMO this is totally fine...have fun!
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Old 05-23-2016, 12:48 PM
 
Location: The point of no return, er, NorCal
7,400 posts, read 6,349,914 times
Reputation: 9636
I had a pretty good experience with online dating following the end of my marriage, OP. (Granted, the men I dated were typically in their late 30s to mid 40s) I certainly won't tell you to wait, because everyone is different, and by the looks of it, you've come to terms with the end of your marriage and have gotten closure. Not everyone needs to grieve, especially if it has been over for years.

There is no one experience or type of man or woman using dating sites. There are duds and flakes, ups and downs, but there are some great and interesting people out there. It can be a wonderful tool to meet people you normally wouldn't cross paths with.

Good luck and have fun!
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