Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
It may work for them, who knows. Each relationship is different.
In my case, there's no way I could get engaged and married to someone after only less than a year. Even if I thought she was the "right" girl, that would just be WAY too fast in my eyes.
I'd want to wait AT LEAST a couple of years before I even start thinking about an engagement (maybe even a bit more than that honestly), and that's just in my current situation. Plenty of relationships start out amazing, and then end up burning out big time. Imagine that happening after marriage?
I'd also ideally want to see how we do living together, traveling together, etc. Dating, and living/traveling together are two different things.
Last edited by NewYorker11356; 05-23-2016 at 01:43 PM..
Don't worry about it. Quite a few of my family members are extremely religious and have gotten married early. Out of more than a half dozen, all are doing well, surprisingly.
It's strange and seems like a narrow and limited lifestyle, but it beats having multiple babies to different fathers, never finding a stable partnership, or simply whining about relationship woes online.
Girlfriend just laid this one on me: Her younger brother (who is 22) just informed her and their dad that he plans on getting engaged to his GF (who is 19) of 6 months and married by the end of the year.
It's both the brother's and the GF's first relationship. Both are extremely religious. He just completed his Jr year in college and she her freshman year. He then wants to go on to seminary school after and she wants to drop out of college, because supposedly, that's what mother and grandmother did (to go to school to find a husband and then have kids).
My girlfriend is freaked out because it's way too fast and we both think it's because of the deep religion aspect playing a role (no sexual conduct of any kind before marriage) and that there's zero foresight into the future. He's about 5 years away from graduating actually making money, and she's really smart (4.0 in high school) and has a bright future.
I know this is pretty much a "It's their lives, they need to do what they want" kind of thing, but this seems to have a recipe for disaster written all over it. Any ideas?
It's none of your business?
Been there, done that. It wasn't so much a disaster in my case. We just came to the realization, years after deconverting from our faith/religion, that we wanted different things.
A big concern for us is financial. Right now, her parents are supporting her through college. If she drops out and gets married, then she'll be either a housewife or working minimum wage jobs. My GF's brother is still in school for 5 years. So who will support the "family"?
Also, though the issue has never directly come up, We do know that her brother is against birth control and thinks "natural" family planning is the only option, which isn't really birth control... It's just playing roulette.
As far as family upbringing, it's not like that on his end. Yes, the children were brought up religious and went to church, but my GF and I are moving in together and whatnot, and the other brother is much more relaxed as well.
The whole thing just seems rushed. I know with my GF, we've had long discussions about the future, financial planning, family planning etc. But we're both in our mid 20's and have stable career jobs, money saved for a downpayment on a house and for retirement, etc. Completely different stage.
Or, completely different goals and relationship dynamic. Having been part of a culture that encourages young marriages, I am familiar with the sort of dynamic involved, and the different priorities and goals. This doesn't just apply to young religious marriages or relationships, but relationships in general.
While it isn't something I'd encourage my children to do, which would be extremely foreign to them because they're not raised in such a culture, it doesn't *always* spell disaster.
Is your gf's brother planning to get an MDiv? Why does he have five years left of school as a junior? And if he's pursuing seminary there's always chaplaincy. He can commission in the military.
Sorry not to offend but that's absurd at any age. Just silly. I have condiments older than these two's relationship I mean get real!
I've been dating my GF for 5 years as of September, so more than 4.5. Nobody is getting engaged right now. No rush. I think 2-3 years then engaged? Ok. 6 months? No.
No birth control and dropping out of college are much bigger issues than early marriage, IMO.
^^This. The Mr. and I married on the young side but, we were together for 3 years before we got married, were both gainfully employed and financially independent, delayed having children, and put each other through college.
Girlfriend just laid this one on me: Her younger brother (who is 22) just informed her and their dad that he plans on getting engaged to his GF (who is 19) of 6 months and married by the end of the year.
It's both the brother's and the GF's first relationship. Both are extremely religious. He just completed his Jr year in college and she her freshman year. He then wants to go on to seminary school after and she wants to drop out of college, because supposedly, that's what mother and grandmother did (to go to school to find a husband and then have kids).
My girlfriend is freaked out because it's way too fast and we both think it's because of the deep religion aspect playing a role (no sexual conduct of any kind before marriage) and that there's zero foresight into the future. He's about 5 years away from graduating actually making money, and she's really smart (4.0 in high school) and has a bright future.
I know this is pretty much a "It's their lives, they need to do what they want" kind of thing, but this seems to have a recipe for disaster written all over it. Any ideas?
It could work. I have known people who got married in crazy circumstance and everything worked out okay in the long run.
My spouse and I were engaged a little less than eight months after meeting, and married 13 months after meeting.
We were also in our upper thirties/lower forties, had both finished college, been supporting ourselves professionally for years, were each financially independent, had had serious relationships under our belts, and were not wedding quickly so we could have sex.
Personal anecdotes in this context really only apply to individual couples, blanket applications don't make a lot of sense.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I could work ...
