Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Realize he is putting his career before his home life (for whatever the reasonings) and take myself out before I begin to resent wasting all of my time trying to make something work I have no consideration or pull in.
A relationship based in "what could be" is fine when day dreaming about what you could have, but living a relationship like this is just going to leave one side unfilled and lonely.
You will always spend the majority of your time waiting becuase he will always be taken.
If you're not ok with this, you KNOW what that is telling you about your relationship.
Think about what YOU NEED, not what you WANT.
Last edited by rego00123; 05-26-2016 at 12:29 PM..
I don't think you're being needy. My boyfriend and I have been long distance a lot of our relationship and we're currently in the middle of almost a month apart. It sucks. I hate it. But I love my boyfriend and we make just as much effort when we are apart as we do when we are together. If he ever didn't text me for an entire day I would not be very happy. We text throughout the day and talk on the phone a few times a week.
Your boyfriend loves his job. You need more communication than he is willing to give when he's away. Your boyfriend needs someone who does their own thing and doesn't care to communicate when he's traveling, and you need someone who is around more often, or at least wants to talk to you frequently regardless of if you're together or not in person. If he says he doesn't want to lose you and you've told him what you need to stay and he's not doing it, then there's nothing else to do but leave. Leave or go ahead and get married and have kids with someone who doesn't contact you all day and spend the rest of your life unhappy.
For all we know he could be sleeping with other women in these countries. It's extremely hard to have a LDR but like the OP said even if he has scheduled a Skype session with her he would blow it off. If he liked it he would have put a ring on it.
For all we know he could be sleeping with other women in these countries. It's extremely hard to have a LDR but like the OP said even if he has scheduled a Skype session with her he would blow it off. If he liked it he would have put a ring on it.
maybe, maybe not.
If you are super busy and only have a few minutes to talk to your partner and then the partner complains that you aren't home and just nags and complains, you make your calls shorter and shorter ...
For all we know he could be sleeping with other women in these countries. It's extremely hard to have a LDR but like the OP said even if he has scheduled a Skype session with her he would blow it off. If he liked it he would have put a ring on it.
Good point and I'm sure he has the sane reservations and concerns about her
OP personally my heart goes out to you as you genuinely don't know what is happening when he's away, you could have ALL the trust in the world but there will always be a small ounce of doubt in your mind....
If this situation is making you this unhappy what choice do you have except either him find a different job or split up?
My partner often travels for work as he is a strategy consultant and gets assigned to projects overseas
He could be in Jakarta for a few weeks, back home for a week and get called off again for a project in Germany for months. I find his bosses inconsiderate of his family/spouse/partners as they never seem to give a week's notice in advance before sending him off. It's always usually a day or two before.
This is hard on me as I never get the sufficient amount of time to mentally and emotionally prepare myself.
At the same time, I feel like it's being imposed on me and that my feelings and choices are never taken into consideration. He loves his job a lot and is also practically married to it.
He claims that he's doing all these to support us and our future, but to me, it's just an excuse he uses to smokescreen the fact that he's just doing it for his own career fulfillments. This is because I am able to support myself and I have a low financial dependance on him at this moment.
The frequency of him traveling overseas for work has recently shot up.
Initially it was bearable because he would be sent to neighbour-ing countries and the time differences would be bearable. Our timings would still coincide when we both get back from our respective days at work.
However, recently he has been taking more and more projects further away.
He is currently in Berlin for a 2 month project and the time difference between us is 6 hours. He's 6 hours behind my time and it's really difficult to match our timings for a call or a skype session.
When he gets up to head to work, I am already out or in the office.
When he gets back from work, it's 4 am for me. It varies between 2 am to 6 am.
Initially, he convinced me to support him in his work and aspirations, also knowing that I had a fear of long-distance relationships due to horrible past experiences. I have attachment issues and get really frantic over distance especially when my spouse is un-contactable or not easily available/reachable.
He promised me that it would be fine and I wouldn't feel the same way again.. that he would be there to support me when I need him and that he will always be contactable on his cell phone. He promised me he would at the very least hold to those conditions.
BUT, it didn't happen that way. The moment he flew overseas, he would barely reply to texts and I would end up waiting for his reply for a whole day, and this recurs everyday.
It's hard to even catch him for a Skype session due to his long work hours and when I try to wait up for him, he will usually bail on our skype sessions and postpone it by a few hours later.
Him consistently pushing our calls later and later and failing to keep to his promises have become a norm for our relationship.
The worse part is, most of the time he's unable to reply to texts or even drop in to check up on me and ask how I am doing during the day due to his demanding and inconsiderate client.
His client would ban the usage of phones in the "war room" (as they call it) for the whole day and would call anyone out who decides to glance at their phones even if it was just for a second.
Apparently according to my spouse, there was once he called someone out and said "so you have time for personal calls now don't you? Am I paying you for that?"
I find this utterly ridiculous and inconsiderate of his client. There is no kindness and empathy in that. The client clearly doesn't care about the families of these consultants and wants to fully utilize them to get his every penny's worth.
If there was ever an emergency at home, none of the consultants would be aware of it as they can't seem to use their phones for the entire day.
I find the inability to keep to his promises and his lack of commitment as well as discipline to the LDR unsustainable for us in the long-term. I feel like he values his directors and clients more than his own relationship at times and this hurts me a lot.
When he is un-contactable, sometimes I get frantic and cry because I don't know when I'll get to talk to him again and I usually end up waiting for a whole day..this situation is recurring daily.. and I have loss a lot of sleep over it including the nights I spent waiting up just to catch him on skype.
I find him selfish for imposing this on me. I feel like I never have a choice. At the same time, he finds me selfish for feeling this way. But the truth of the matter is, both of our feelings are justified.
I feel that I cannot continue to support him anymore in this and that soon, I will find myself breaking down and walking out of this relationship. The distance and the lack of communication is taking a toll on the relationship. Sometimes, I realise that he doesn't see this as an issue.. and I am the only one who seems to have an issue with it which ultimately makes me feel dismissed, unheard and alone in this.
I feel helpless all the time and the build up in resentment is not good for us.
I don't know what to do anymore because discussing this with him is futile.
Lynnnnn
I have to ask. Do you have any experience at all working internationally and traveling a lot? It seems you don't understand how it is to have that sort of job. Realistically, what could he do to help you with an emergency from thousands of miles away? Do you have a local support system?
When he's back, he's a good man. He's giving, understanding and considerate. But the moment he flies overseas, he's insensitive and pretty much always MIA and uncontactable. So everytime I start to think that we can build it up again, he gets called away.
I've tried, I've really tried to get him to compromise on his schedule. But he always dismisses me by saying he really doesn't have a choice. He doesn't want to to get fired and he loves his job. He regards himself as a high performer and making a fuss about it to his partners would make him look like a "diva" (in his words)..
You appear to have separation anxiety and are overly dependent. Advise you seek counseling.
You appear to have separation anxiety and are overly dependent. Advise you seek counseling.
Or she just wants a relationship she actually feels apart of
if she wanted to be wholly independent I serverly doubt she would have taken the steps to involve herself with another person in to a committed situation.
To me this is just a situation of wrong time, wrong person.
He could be a great guy but that's not doing much good if he is always being a great guy somewhere else
"As I discussed in my other articles, the dating pool is disproportionately weighted toward Anxious and Avoidant people. Secure people wade out of the dating pool together. When an Anxious person meets an Avoidant person, their eagerness for closeness can raise the anxiety of the Avoidant one. Often, the Avoidant person will come out of a period of loneliness with a renewed commitment to see a new partner in more a positive light. They want to give relationships another shot, hoping their resolve will continue and for a while they will be happy with a new opportunity. Sometimes the newness of a relationship helps the Avoidant person successfully “show up” with their feelings, wishes and needs. However, our Attachment Styles are pretty resilient. We need conscious effort to change them and if our patterns are not dealt with successfully, the withdrawal of the Avoidant person ignites the pursuit of the Anxious person and that well-known dance of pursuer-distancer begins. Sometimes, this dance can last for a long time with varying degrees of satisfaction. Sometimes, this dance doesn’t last at all and sadly, the sense of repeated failure can lead both partners toward separation and possible resolve to move away from relationships. "
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
