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After a divorce, I went to an online dating site and created a profile where i specified that I was looking for company and dating, not commitment (especially considering my recent divorce). I met somebody who impressed me right away with his composure, and continues to impress me with his kindness, bravery and a lot of other really good, hard to find qualities. A few months into dating him he told me he is in love with me, and continues to tell me that. I can't say the same back and I feel guilty and unsure of whether I should break up with him, to avoid wasting his time. I like him, I very much appreciate how special of a guy he is, but there are two problems: I don't feel in love with him, and I am unsure about our long term compatibility, due to the fact that he does not have a college degree (I am trying very hard to see the essential and work with the less essential, but it's hard). I wish I could fall in love with him, but that's something I can't control. Not sure whether it would be better to break up with him and not waste his time, or continue dating him, since I like him and his company.
You have already wasted his time and you should add to your dating requirements that one has to have a college degree.
Break up with him so he can find someone who will love him for just being him.
You have already wasted his time and you should add to your dating requirements that one has to have a college degree.
Break up with him so he can find someone who will love him for just being him.
I think 'wasted his time' is a bit harsh. It takes a while to try someone on for size and decide. She's decided he's not what she wants/needs in life and is trying to let the schlub down easily.
OP. If it's not working for you, then it's never going to work for you. Don't apologize, but be kind about matters and then move on.
I don't understand those hangups with degrees. Or is this a code word for "my bf is not very smart?"
I don't either . There are quite a few trades people in my neighborhood that are doing quite well... probably more job stability than I.
Love is a confusing thing... I don't think in of itself is enough to make a healthy relationship. It can come on fast and right at the beginning. It can also evolve over time in a more gradual sense. The latter is often never given a chance... especially with requirements like a college degree, status, looks, etc...
I've had both.... and as much as I reminisce that period of my life when we I was madly in love and passionate, I doubt the resulting marriage would have been a healthy one (we fought a lot.. make up sex.. the whole works). My relationship with my wife today may have evolved more slowly but it has endured.... it is a healthier relationship even through the worst of times.
]I think 'wasted his time' is a bit harsh[/b]. It takes a while to try someone on for size and decide. She's decided he's not what she wants/needs in life and is trying to let the schlub down easily.
OP. If it's not working for you, then it's never going to work for you. Don't apologize, but be kind about matters and then move on.
No it is not since the original poster knew the first time the boyfriend told her he was in love with her.
Amazingly enough I have been in more than one relationship and do know how long it can take to get to know someone.
I don't think he is the *schlub* (your description) in this situation.
No it is not since the original poster knew the first time the boyfriend told her he was in love with her.
Amazingly enough I have been in more than one relationship and do know how long it can take to get to know someone.
I don't think he is the *schlub* (your description) in this situation.
The OP doesn't say how long she's been dating him since he made this announcement. And, for all you know, maybe she was trying to see how she felt. People don't necessarily fall in love at the same time in a relationship, you know. They're not Xboxes where, if you press the right combination of keys and knobs, you get a certain response.
You have already wasted his time and you should add to your dating requirements that one has to have a college degree.
Break up with him so he can find someone who will love him for just being him.
My intention is to give people a chance, no matter college degree or not. Thus, I agreed to date him, and see if magic happens. I very much appreciate him, and know that what he has is hard to find, yet I never got that feeling of being head over heels in love. I think the problem with him not having gone to college is that his experiences and world view are more limited than mine, although he is curious when I try to introduce him to new ideas. I travelled more than him; met more people; ate weird foods, and have overall more liberal ideas. And I wonder if the reason for him being more of a local guy is because he never went to college, and was not exposed to a larger world.
What fascinates me about him is his loyalty, his commitment, his goodness to people and animals, his ability to be a real man, a protector and a provider. Yet, (I will be a snob and say it anyway), I feel that there isn't a lot he can teach me about the world. He can provide a lot of stability and reliability, but lacks the WOW factor. I would ideally like to feel both, with the same person. Am I doomed to be single forever because what I want is unrealistic?
PS: we've been dating for six months now. I would like to fall in love with him, because he seems like a great long term partner, but I can't make myself fall in love with him.
Last edited by marketa; 05-26-2016 at 09:21 AM..
Reason: Added information
After a divorce, I went to an online dating site and created a profile where i specified that I was looking for company and dating, not commitment (especially considering my recent divorce). I met somebody who impressed me right away with his composure, and continues to impress me with his kindness, bravery and a lot of other really good, hard to find qualities. A few months into dating him he told me he is in love with me, and continues to tell me that. I can't say the same back and I feel guilty and unsure of whether I should break up with him, to avoid wasting his time. I like him, I very much appreciate how special of a guy he is, but there are two problems: I don't feel in love with him, and I am unsure about our long term compatibility, due to the fact that he does not have a college degree (I am trying very hard to see the essential and work with the less essential, but it's hard). I wish I could fall in love with him, but that's something I can't control. Not sure whether it would be better to break up with him and not waste his time, or continue dating him, since I like him and his company.
The bolded is the critical information, here.
It reads like you're keeping him around for your benefit, even though you don't see a future with him. That's by definition using somebody. It's great that you like him a whole lot and appreciate him. It's unfair to carry on a pseudo-romantic relationship with somebody with whom you don't see a future, just because they're nice people with positive traits. You're actually preventing him from meeting someone who actually is romantically interested in him.
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