In your opinion what is it that makes dating hard for both men and women today? (Christian, married)

[MoonBeam33]

As I see it, three issues:

1. People are not clear about what they are looking for: If you're NOT looking for a relationship, be upfront about it, by the third date at the latest. Stop using dating sites as hookup sites unless you state clearly in your profile that you are only interested in hookups.

2. People are really unhealthy, but they expect their dates to be ok with that: I'm not just talking about physical health, I am talking about people who are angry, narcissistic, pessimistic, depressed, repressed, addicted, immature, commitment phobic, in denial, etc. I am not going to overlook your depression and bad attitude no matter how hot you are. Get yourself healthy- in all ways - before trying to involve someone else in your life.

3. Making sex the most important thing: I love sex. Let me repeat, I LOVE sex. But I am not going to have sex with a stranger (and yes, you are still a stranger on the second date), I am not going to jump into bed with someone to "prove" anything, and I will not sleep with you until I know you're going to stick around. Regardless of what some posters on here say, the vast majority of women who are looking for a relationship, not a hookup will not sleep with a guy right away unless there is some incredible chemistry and connection going on. Too many men expect sex to be instantaneous.

[usayit]

In sales and marketing, they say that too many choices creates customer indicision, confusion, and raises expections. I believe social media has that effect in the dating as well. In the past, you pretty much needed to actually meet the person one by one, one on one in a dating pool that was usually bound geographically small (local town city circle etc..). You socialized as humans should and pickup on things that cannot be determined by looking at descriptions in written word... body language included. When presented with a list of 100s of peoples online profiles, it is natural to always think "there is someone better" rather than really vetting out the person who is in front of you at that point in time.

In my personal behavior, I go to the store for something I need. I find it.... exactly what I need. However, I hesistate and say to myself "I should check Amazon... there may be something better and a cheaper price." That would have never happened before internet commerce. I would have simply purchased the item at the store right then and there.

I also believe that we are in flux when it comes to gender roles; creating incompatibility within dating pools. A compatibility that didn't exist when everyone was expected to be the prototypical husband and the prototypical wife.


I personally don't believe that the people have really changed... that much. What has changed is the dating pools' size and complexity. Navigating it has become difficult. There have always been people with insecurities, players, commitment issues, pickiness, etc.. that will not change with time.

[BradPiff]

Well men have it easier simply because there is significantly more attractive women then they are are attractive males. I mean every day when I go out I see so many beautiful women it's crazy. How many good looking guys do you really see? I mean me and my older sister were talking about this and she said over the course of her entire lifetime, she's had 4 to 5 instances where a guy has literally turned heads(she's 32). I see a woman who does that at least twice a week.


This is why attractive males have why a massive advantage, because there is very little competition.

[gazzaa2]

Originally Posted by BradPiff

Well men have it easier simply because there is significantly more attractive women then they are are attractive males. I mean every day when I go out I see so many beautiful women it's crazy. How many good looking guys do you really see? I mean me and my older sister were talking about this and she said over the course of her entire lifetime, she's had 4 to 5 instances where a guy has literally turned heads(she's 32). I see a woman who does that at least twice a week.


This is why attractive males have why a massive advantage, because there is very little competition.

Studies show women find 80% of men unattractive, so 4 out of 5 men tend to be invisible to women. Yes this makes it easy pickings for the top 20% but most of the rest struggle.

Also it doesn't matter how good looking you are as a man unless you're confident and not shy. A good looking man who either lacks confidence or good social skills is not in that top 20%.

[elnina]

Originally Posted by Auraliea

Relying on too much technology and social media.
Head games.
Insecurities.
Need for instant self gratification.

Also it's not about who has it harder. Both men and women have their struggles. In my personal experience, I just don't connect with a lot of people. I don't consider that a struggle. It just is. According to other people I should be dating or have had a handfull of bfs by now.

^^^ You nailed it! I was just about to say the same.


I think dating is indeed harder today because of the choices: there are millions to choose from on the internet and it's creating a humongous competition - that's why people are easily rejected ("play hard to get") because the requirements are higher due to that competition.
People now are more spoiled, needy, self absorbed, and entitled. Have unrealistic expectations (often based on some idiotic reality shows), they also have harder time dealing with rejection, because they were told from a young age how great they are, so most can't deal with criticism and are easily offended.
The ways of communication got harder too, mainly because people are afraid to talk. They text. They cannot get clues from a body language or timbre of the voice, which has created additional anxieties and insecurities, and unclear signals - just check our threads, we get posts: "I am confused, please tell me what he/she meant", daily.
Our priorities changed, because nowadays we are barraged by the media that is trying to manipulate the way we think and influence our personal sets of values, clamoring for our attention, trying to tell us how to live, feel and think, do things or what we absolutely need to have, and never settle for less.

People fuss about small stuff, see everywhere red flags, and don't bother to compromise and work things out - they refuse to make any compromises now. Nowadays to compromise means to settle for second best.
The current attitude is "what can he/she do for me?" and there's a tendency to have a checklist of attributes that a potential partner must have. If they don't tick all the boxes right away, it means to move straight on to the next person. The idea of taking time to get to know somebody is old fashioned.
Which brings me to the next observation - it seems nobody wants to settle down - we created a hookup culture. Thanks to things like Tinder, social media, text messaging, and time-saving everything - who has time for romance?

And there is that fairly new trend: people feel a societal pressure to be in a constant relationship. Good or bad, it doesn't matter.
Not being in a relationship, or married, somehow translates to a personal failure. And while some cannot handle loneliness, or don't know how to function alone, most just feel that being a single, even briefly, means there must be something seriously wrong with them. Or they became increasingly bitter and upset, complaining about the "impossible standards" of others, while simultaneously trying to meet or exceed those standards because, you know, life will suck till they find that special someone.

Dating requires stamina, stomach for failures and disappointments, dealing AND getting over own insecurities and things that are out of our control. And dating means patience. Not many seem to have that patience anymore...


Now, before you go calling me jaded or cynical, I do acknowledge that there are exceptions, and I know countless numbers of happy couples who have fallen in love recent years But, I also acknowledge that some people simply have a harder time than others meeting people and dating.

[Hotbloodedwoman]

Mind Games.
Lack of Commitment.

[hawaiiancoconut]

Unrealistic expectations, laziness, and confidence (or lack thereof).

[Raena77]

Men thinking with the wrong head.
Women thinking to much and leading to unrealistic expectations.

[usayit]

Originally Posted by Raena77

Men thinking with the wrong head.
Women thinking to much and leading to unrealistic expectations.

I would argue that this has always been the case.. today and in the past.

[hunterseat]

The blurred lines between the differences between women and men, right and wrong, correct and incorrect. We are being socially engineered by politicians and media to be whatever benefits them the most. Traditional values don't stand a chance.