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All of these social rules that society has placed on us. "Do not call the same day, it will make you look desperate. Make sure you pay for the meals all three times and make sure she at least offers to pay one of those times. "
Some people are probably listening to those rules than being themselves.
That's what she's saying mate
It's not making you're own mind up and being decisive but listening to others or thinking " what if "
It is actually really awkward and uncomfortable to turn someone down, when you have been socialized all your life to be kind to others. A lot of guys seem to feel you owe them something, even when they are complete strangers.
There is also the issue of paying for the first date, where if you insist on paying half you are a feminist witch and if you let them pay, you owe them something.
Then there is also that guy that you give a chance over your best intuition, and then when you decide after a couple of dates that it just isn't going to work, he goes nuts and starts following you around, bombarding your phone with calls from different numbers, and scaring the crap out of you by showing up random places.
We are used to all that well sane men are just don't be an ass when rejecting a man.
Dating difficulty? It is Hollywood. Men think that "normal" is to have a smoking hot young chick fall into bed with them within 30 minutes. That's what they have grown up watching all of their lives. They also grow up with really unreasonable expectations about what a woman has to look like.
If sex doesn't happen immediately, they lose interest.
The women, on the other hand, do not want to be an interchangeable faceless bed toy, so they want to wait until the man sees them as a human being. The man won't wait that long..... so incompatible expectations, very often unrealistic on both sides.
Dating difficulty? It is Hollywood. Men think that "normal" is to have a smoking hot young chick fall into bed with them within 30 minutes. That's what they have grown up watching all of their lives. They also grow up with really unreasonable expectations about what a woman has to look like.
If sex doesn't happen immediately, they lose interest.
The women, on the other hand, do not want to be an interchangeable faceless bed toy, so they want to wait until the man sees them as a human being. The man won't wait that long..... so incompatible expectations, very often unrealistic on both sides.
Similarly unrealistic ideals (sometimes even MORE unrealistic) have been coming out of Hollywood for over a century now. Not necessarily falling in bed but something even more difficult: "winning" the girl's entire heart and her leaving all her wealth, the more handsome man, her powerful daddy and yadda-yadda, all for the underdog you're rooting for in the movie...or what-have-you.
If things are "more difficult" it's probably due to our being locked in our own little worlds with our phones and tablets. We're not as capable of being social any more, overall. But this CAN be overcome. Get out there and start talking to people. That's how we "learned" in the old days.
OTOH I think people tend to think they have it "the hardest" and that there was some mythological time in the past when things were "easier" in all sorts of ways...that's a tradition throughout time and across cultures, "the old days were so much better, NOW things are so complicated." Simple math, logic and averages will tell you it's not possible that this has been the case for every single generation. I believe it's based on how we have viewed our own lives, going from "simple" as babies to "complex" now that we're adults, have jobs, etc. We then take that and transfer it to the world at large and decide that "society" has gone from "simple, easy and logical" to "complex and impossible." But it's a skewed view.
I think a lot of people fail to realize being compatitible with someone is really hard .
I think a lot people fail to realize that's how it is supposed to be.
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I think a lot people fail to realize that's how it is supposed to be.
Yes! Yes.
This. ^ This to the this. ^
When has it ever been "easy" to find someone compatible enough to spend one's entire life with? Anyone here have parents from the 50s or earlier? Grandparents? Didn't they ever tell you their tales of allllllllllllll the people they dated before they met Grandpa or whatever? Yeah, there were a FEW exceptions ("The only man I EVER kissed was your Grandpa!" - okay, sure Grandma, you're elderly and frail, imma hand you that one) but for the majority...I mean in the old days dating was an institution all by itself, my mom and her friends didn't think twice about getting a soda with one guy this Friday, a different guy the next Friday and yet another guy the Friday after that...they, male and female alike, "kissed a lot of frogs"...a lot. Then RUSHED to get married before 20 so as not to be left behind or whatever, and pretty much wound up either taking Mother's Little Helper to get through their day or divorced by the 70s, but I digress.
Going back way before that, if you're talking about 14-year-old girls basically being forced into marriage in various societies or 22-year-old girls terrified of becoming old maids and taking the first shmo who finally asked them out then that's not really speaking to compatibility.
It's hard to find a truly lifetime compatible person. It always has been. Today's daters don't have it "worse" or "harder" that way. That's an excuse. It's a reason to lie down and be a victim. You don't HAVE to date but let that be your choice. If you DO want to date then don't expect Hollywood magic and an instant perfect situation, when and where has that ever actually happened?
I think a lot people fail to realize that's how it is supposed to be.
I think a lot of people don't know what that is until later in life, hence divorces often occurring after 20, 30+ years of marriage. Either they don't know themselves well enough to know what's compatible, and/or they haven't given it much thought until they were at a point, older/wiser/more experienced, to know what they want. My husband's parents have been married for 40 years, and he's made comments that though they look good on paper, look the part, they aren't super compatible. But after a long time together they're comfortable, and they built a life together.
When you know who you are and what you want you're in a better position of finding it. I mean, we have people saying things like "I have a lot to offer. I have a good job, nice body, charismatic personality, and I'm good-looking." Uh huh. And... that's it? A lot of people have these things, or many of them. What sets them apart from these people? Who are they trying to attract, and how do these traits create a solid foundation for long term compatibility.
A swarthy hot guy with a good job would bore me to tears. Even if he were nice, dependable, "loyal" or whatever basic traits we're taught to look for.
All of these social rules that society has placed on us. "Do not call the same day, it will make you look desperate. Make sure you pay for the meals all three times and make sure she at least offers to pay one of those times. "
Some people are probably listening to those rules than being themselves.
If you are going to post on this sub forum, I would suggest you change your name as people will confuse you with the other 49erfan that posts frequently
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LOL
