Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-03-2016, 03:11 PM
 
708 posts, read 821,546 times
Reputation: 1406

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by RelocatedIn2014 View Post

I was curious if other people have been able to have successful relationships with people that display such behavior... the shoving, then the attempt to control me and spin things to make it seem like I am the one being inappropriate ?

Why on earth would anyone want to?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-03-2016, 03:20 PM
 
Location: Florida
23,165 posts, read 26,122,269 times
Reputation: 27898
Such a reaction isn't acceptable at all but 100 times worse when done in public.
That makes it not just between the two of you but makes everyone else uncomfortable too.
If, as you say, there are also others things too, follow your instincts and move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 03:32 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,964,469 times
Reputation: 13949
This is something you never do if you have respect for your partner. She obviously doesn't have any respect for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 03:46 PM
 
89 posts, read 85,667 times
Reputation: 83
Thanks for the input everyone.
Oke of the drivin forces for my OP is actually because my friend and his gf (from yesterday evening) have a bit of a rocky kind of explosive relationship themselves. They tend to argue often and sometimes full out yell at each other or have raised voices a good once a month in public. Usually at a bar...
My buddy has admitted it is rough sometimes, but they seem to be capable of argueing and then making up. I have never been a fan of that, as to me it means argueing that frequently and explosively that they aren't capable.
But they recover and move on. They pretty much started off that way, and it's just how their relationship goes.
I know some couples have their arguements and then recover. I dont know if my friends gf has ever shoved him or not.
None the less, my friend didnt necessarily recommend that me and my gf end things. I think she was trying to tell him outside when they were talking that she was worried about me.
But regardless, what she did was so wrong, and basically unrecoverable.

I kind of felt like there was always a lack of respect from her towards me. And after last night, I don't think I can respect her.
I know there are borderline toxic relationships out there. But I sure dont want any part of that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 03:57 PM
 
17,869 posts, read 20,964,469 times
Reputation: 13949
Quote:
Originally Posted by RelocatedIn2014 View Post
Thanks for the input everyone.
Oke of the drivin forces for my OP is actually because my friend and his gf (from yesterday evening) have a bit of a rocky kind of explosive relationship themselves. They tend to argue often and sometimes full out yell at each other or have raised voices a good once a month in public. Usually at a bar...
My buddy has admitted it is rough sometimes, but they seem to be capable of argueing and then making up. I have never been a fan of that, as to me it means argueing that frequently and explosively that they aren't capable.
But they recover and move on. They pretty much started off that way, and it's just how their relationship goes.
I know some couples have their arguements and then recover. I dont know if my friends gf has ever shoved him or not.
None the less, my friend didnt necessarily recommend that me and my gf end things. I think she was trying to tell him outside when they were talking that she was worried about me.
But regardless, what she did was so wrong, and basically unrecoverable.

I kind of felt like there was always a lack of respect from her towards me. And after last night, I don't think I can respect her.
I know there are borderline toxic relationships out there. But I sure dont want any part of that.
I think I can assume you know this already, but each relationship is different. You shouldn't compare your relationship to that relationship. It's completely different in every way to your own unique relationship. Just because that relationship is explosive and argumentative in public and can eventually recover and move on doesn't mean yours should be the same way. You and the woman you're spending time with are completely different than the 2 other people. If YOU don't want to have a relationship similar to your friend's relationship, then don't put up with that kind of crap from a woman.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 04:41 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
10,203 posts, read 17,805,604 times
Reputation: 13913
Quote:
Originally Posted by RelocatedIn2014 View Post
Yesterday evening in public, my gf shoved me.
Short story, she had a work party to attend and didnt invite me/didnt want me to go with her.
I was excited about seeing the basketball game after a particular bad week for completely different reasons.

I figured if she didnt want me there, it was her perogative.
We have been seeing each other exclusively for about 6 months.
I met up with an old friend and his gf and we enjoyed watchin the game together with me being solo.
We had a good time and I didnt contact my gf at all so she could enjoy her evening.
When she got home from her party, she texted me and I didnt see the text for a while. When I finally saw the text, I delayed a little in responding to it as I just enjoying talking with my friends.

All of a sudden, I see kind of see my gf approaching me kind of from my side and I turn to her as she says something and shoves me in front of my friends and multiple strangers at the bar.

She starts argueing with me about not responding to her texts.
I never even told her where I was, and it was really odd she found me. It's not that hard to find me, as I don't go out much, and this place is quite local for us, but it was really odd nonetheless she even hunted me down. I wasnt doing anything wrong mind you, but considering i never even topd her where I was....
She argued with me a bit and then stormed off outside to leave. My friend went after her to talk to her and they were talking outside. Frustrated, embarrassed, and my ego slighted, I went outside after pausing for a short minute. I was mad and tried to talk to her about what she did, and I wasnt exactly talking. i wasnt screaming either, but I was probably a bit loud.
She demanded that I stop talking to her in the way that I was and I let her know her shoving me was beyond unacceptable. She never apoligized or acknowledged wrong doing and left becuase I wasnt communicated to her in a manner in which she was comfortable with.

I was curious if other people have been able to have successful relationships with people that display such behavior... the shoving, then the attempt to control me and spin things to make it seem like I am the one being inappropriate ?
I know I was a bit louder than I could have been, but considering she had just shoved me, then demanded I change the way I communicate, I was not going to accept her extremely poor relationship behavior and I was letting her know that she was the one being unacceptable.
She walked away, and went home and hasnt communicated to me since.

I think this relationship will likely end this weekend mostly due to incompatibility issues that go beyond last night.
I was just replaying it all in my head, and I was curious if anyone else has had succesful relationships while dealing with a partner that portrayed such relationship behavior (in this case, my gf) ?
Again, I know my behavior and decibal level was not good behavior, but I do get to have some sort of a reponse to her bad behavior, dont I ?
I can tell you now, no one has ever had a happy, successful relationship when one of them is displaying behavior like your girlfriend did, not unless they got help and made some major modifications to their behavior.

Her behavior speaks of psychological instability and it will only get worse if you don't end things with her now. She expects you to respond to her texts immediately, and if you don't, she goes around town looking for you at your usual places - this is extremely obsessive. And then she is allowed to physically shove you around but you're not allowed to even slightly raise your voice at her - she seems to have a massive entitlement complex, and double standards. She won't admit she did anything wrong, another sign of a toxic personality.

You should read this article: Warning Signs That You’re Dating a Loser | MHMatters - take note of numbers 1, 7, and 10. Maybe also 11 and 13. Read the others too, there might be more that apply to her which you didn't mention.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 04:47 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
10,203 posts, read 17,805,604 times
Reputation: 13913
Quote:
Originally Posted by RelocatedIn2014 View Post
Thanks for the input everyone.
Oke of the drivin forces for my OP is actually because my friend and his gf (from yesterday evening) have a bit of a rocky kind of explosive relationship themselves. They tend to argue often and sometimes full out yell at each other or have raised voices a good once a month in public. Usually at a bar...
My buddy has admitted it is rough sometimes, but they seem to be capable of argueing and then making up. I have never been a fan of that, as to me it means argueing that frequently and explosively that they aren't capable.
But they recover and move on. They pretty much started off that way, and it's just how their relationship goes.
I know some couples have their arguements and then recover. I dont know if my friends gf has ever shoved him or not.
None the less, my friend didnt necessarily recommend that me and my gf end things. I think she was trying to tell him outside when they were talking that she was worried about me.
But regardless, what she did was so wrong, and basically unrecoverable.

I kind of felt like there was always a lack of respect from her towards me. And after last night, I don't think I can respect her.
I know there are borderline toxic relationships out there. But I sure dont want any part of that.
It's one thing to argue, it's another to hunt someone down (which is almost like stalking) just because they didn't respond to a text, shove them, and then basically accuse you of being the aggressor just because you raised your voice in response. She is toxic, and it will only get worse.

And ultimately, even if it was just a normal argument (all couples argue), if you don't want a relationship where you're arguing all the time, then don't have one. Just because your friend is cool with that kind of angry "passion" doesn't mean you have to be.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 05:07 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,636,835 times
Reputation: 73585
Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
It's one thing to argue, it's another to hunt someone down (which is almost like stalking) just because they didn't respond to a text, shove them, and then basically accuse you of being the aggressor just because you raised your voice in response. She is toxic, and it will only get worse.
That's quite a few no-no's all at one time.

Save yourself the stress and tell her good bye.
__________________
____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-03-2016, 08:07 PM
 
1,278 posts, read 1,111,706 times
Reputation: 4004
I can honestly say I've never been shoved by any guy I've been dating ever. But if I ever did, that would be the last time it ever happened because I would dump him right then and there. I have a zero tolerance policy when it comes to that kind of behavior.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-06-2016, 10:41 AM
 
237 posts, read 223,987 times
Reputation: 947
Quote:
Originally Posted by RelocatedIn2014 View Post
...I know there are borderline toxic relationships out there. But I sure dont want any part of that.
Interesting choice of words. Ever heard of Borderline Personality Disorder?

-- Do you find yourself walking on eggshells around her?

-- Does she fly into rages without warning over relatively trivial matters like a web page loading too slowly?

-- After a rage ... does she deny having done or said these things? Does it leave you doubting your memory and worried that you might be the crazy one?

--If she could, would she embed a GPS tracking device in one of your molars?

From: Is Your Wife or Girlfriend a Crazy *****?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:25 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top