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I am not sure what I can offer besides companionship, love and trust. I can provide housing and transportation, but after that I do not have much to offer.
I have a feeling I need to get you tubing how to start and operate the mower and weedeater... He scared away my exes that use to come do things for me because he said he would do everything and they were not needed...
The problem is what you're offering is very one-sided and doesn't appear to take the other person's wants and needs into consideration. It's all about what you want and what your kids need, but what about him?
Your statement above makes it sound like you only want him around to help you around the home & to look after the kids. Imagine if someone said to you "the main reason I want to be with you is to help pay off my mortgage", I'm sure you'ld tell them to get stuffed but that's effectively what you are doing to this guy.
Good to know that your son is only being abused in a limited way now.
(What did I just read?)
The judge felt that it was important for him to maintain a relationship with his father. The kid cries he never wants to go, but imam court order to send him. Believe me, it kills me that judges are so stupid.the legal system should help protect kids, not put them in the hands of abusers.
I don't mow the 3 acres because I do not want to buy or maintain the equipment, and it is more cost effective to outsource.
Your idea of a life partner is a free handyman. That much is clear. So just pay for it like normal people do, or change your living situation to a low-maintenance one that you can afford. Using people is not cool.
It would be about $500 a month for me to pay someone else to mow. I can't afford it. What I really need is a roommate to help shoulder the housing costs.
Without you changing the way you deal with things, all of the "help" in the world won't make things better.
For example, have you actually told him that you respect what he is feeling? That you actually hear him when he tells you about his insecurities?
No, of course you cannot control whether or not someone sends you a text. However, you can control your reaction to it. Hint: Shrugging it off and saying, "well, he just treats me like one of the guys" is not a helpful reaction.
I obviously don't know you or this guy from a hole in the wall, but if I were a betting person, I'd bet my last dime that a lot of what you are seeing in terms of his "issues" would not be nearly as egregious to you if you actually said to him, "yes, I understand where you are coming from". That's what I meant in your last thread when you asked what you could give to him, and I said "respect and understanding".
I did that last week when the text came up, we talked about it that night after you all helped me see where he was coming from. He has progressed to searching my phone for my secrets, that I do not have. I am very out going and have no issues telling anyone anything about me. So it makes his accusations of having secrets even more ridiculous.
The problem is what you're offering is very one-sided and doesn't appear to take the other person's wants and needs into consideration. It's all about what you want and what your kids need, but what about him?
Your statement above makes it sound like you only want him around to help you around the home & to look after the kids. Imagine if someone said to you "the main reason I want to be with you is to help pay off my mortgage", I'm sure you'ld tell them to get stuffed but that's effectively what you are doing to this guy.
I want someone to do things with, spend time with, travel, etc. he said he wanted all the same things. I never asked him to help me. He offered when he realized my ex was coming over to take care of stuff around the house. Purely platonic.
I do need help and can't get everything done myself. I am not too proud to admit that.
I told him last night when I found out, that it was unacceptable. He either trusts me or not, and without trust, we have no relationship. I also changed the password.
The 'relationship', as you are describing it, sounds more like a handyman/maid than a life partner. You are expecting to plug him into the family dynamic, when he has nothing vested in the family.
All he sees is you thrusting into the mix of responsibilities while you take a step back.
Regarding the texting: people would not text inappropriate things to you if you did not foster an environment enabling them to do so. From his perspective, 'once bitten; twice shy'. No doubt he believes it is common practice for you. Add in the prospect that your former lovers are still doing things for you and I can see where he would less than secure after two months.
His question about you chasing him if he leaves is him trying to gauge your commitment to him. The fact that he asks means he is not secure and I can understand why. Your inability to manage your life shouldn't result in you finding someone to dump things on to and disguise it as a quality relationship.
For future relationships, I would recommend NOT bringing in the kids so early. Let your potential partner get to know YOU first and establish a firm foundation before dumping a bunch of responsibility his way.
It would be about $500 a month for me to pay someone else to mow. I can't afford it.
I highly doubt that.
But if you cannot afford to live where you live, you need to move. Financially responsible people live within their means and do not count on the charity of others to meet their regular expenses.
But seems a bit much for just 2 months. I would think 2 months is still the honeymoon phase, rather than the jealousy and games, possible feelings of neglect, and drama with exes starting so soon.
I would agree with that. If there are this many problems this early on, it's likely not the right relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bungalove
So, there's trouble in paradise already? I thought this one was exactly what you wanted in a man.
Not enough drama with this one - he's too tame.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Maybe he feels that since he's given up his social life for you, you should do the same for him?
My understanding is his only "social life" was going to the gym 3 hours a day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
Like a Coworker is not supposed to text me his lunch order when it is my job to order everyone's lunches? Like speaking about lunch is code for something else.
We email lunch orders. Maybe suggest that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TooncesTheDrivingCat
Out of curiosity (and feel free to tell me it's none of my business) but is your children's father involved in their lives?
I believe one of them is deceased.
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