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Why would a guy leave and want to be chased after so he can see someone's true feelings or emotions as he calls them?
Maybe I am crazy, but I always thought that if someone wants to be with someone they choose to just be there. If they don't, they didn't want to be there. Where did this need for a chase come? To many movies?
In my experience, men don't do this type of thing. When they break it off, it is generally cutting things off for good.
That is what I have found with past guys. My sons father would leave every few months, I would cry, beg him to come home, etc. Then one day, I woke up and said no more. If he wants to leave, there is the door. He didn't come back after that.
This one wants to leave, and gets mad when I won't chase him or beg him to come back. I told him I don't chase. You either want to be with me or you don't.
So perplexed why he needs this chase to gauge my feelings?
That is what I have found with past guys. My sons father would leave every few months, I would cry, beg him to come home, etc. Then one day, I woke up and said no more. If he wants to leave, there is the door. He didn't come back after that.
This one wants to leave, and gets mad when I won't chase him or beg him to come back. I told him I don't chase. You either want to be with me or you don't.
So perplexed why he needs this chase to gauge my feelings?
Well in your last thread, didn't you mention you didn't have much to give him right now, aside from sex and doing his laundry on occasion? And I am not insulting, just making sure I have the correct info. So if that's true, and in combination with having 2 children, which you mentioned come 1st. It's possible he was in over his head and started off expecting more attention than you were going to give. That doesn't excuse game-playing. But maybe it is his reason. He wants to see how much value he is to you by wondering if you'd show concern for him leaving.
So seems like a poster's prediction from the last thread is happening. Your guy doesn't feel too valued or appreciated, so he's trying to get some attention, until he leaves for good, or you either tell him to leave. We seem to have a ticking clock here.
But seems a bit much for just 2 months. I would think 2 months is still the honeymoon phase, rather than the jealousy and games, possible feelings of neglect, and drama with exes starting so soon.
Last edited by HappyRain; 06-09-2016 at 06:26 AM..
It does not sound typical for a guy to "leave" with an expectation of being chased after. So I am not sure I can offer a ton of insight as to "why" he may be doing this. If I were to guess, I would say he is playing some game of testing you, testing your level of interest by leaving and seeing how you respond. Or maybe it is some sort of "power in the relationship" game. If you go back to him, he feels he has some kind of authority in the relationship because you came back to him?
I dunno, it seems strange. Not something I would want to put up with at all.
Well in your last thread, didn't you mention you didn't have much to give him right now, aside from sex and doing his laundry on occasion? And I am not insulting, just making sure I have the correct info. So if that's true, and in combination with having 2 children, which you mentioned come 1st. It's possible he was in over his head and started off expecting more attention than you were going to give. That doesn't excuse game-playing. But maybe it is his reason. He wants to see how much value he is to you by wondering if you'd show concern for him leaving.
So seems like a poster's prediction from the last thread is happening. Your guy doesn't feel too valued or appreciated, so he's trying to get some attention, until he leaves for good, or you either tell him to leave. We seem to have a ticking clock here.
But seems a bit much for just 2 months. I would think 2 months is still the honeymoon phase, rather than the jealousy and games, possible feelings of neglect, and drama with exes starting so soon.
My kids do come first, which is specifically why I say I want a partner to help me raise my kids. I have zero patience for games. I am thanking him constantly for everything he does but if that is not enough, I don't know what to tell him. I would think putting kids first is normal, and parents needs come second in most family situations.
He says all his exes cheated on him. So he is always asking me where I am, who I talked to and what I am doing, etc. He actually asked me about a text in my phone and admitted he looked through it. The text was me asking my coworker if f he wanted lunch, for a lunch meeting. So nothing scandolus. I told him if we have no trust, then we have no relationship. No idea how he even got the password.
With the exception of the trust, insecurity issues, he is exactly what I have always wanted in a man.
It does not sound typical for a guy to "leave" with an expectation of being chased after. So I am not sure I can offer a ton of insight as to "why" he may be doing this. If I were to guess, I would say he is playing some game of testing you, testing your level of interest by leaving and seeing how you respond. Or maybe it is some sort of "power in the relationship" game. If you go back to him, he feels he has some kind of authority in the relationship because you came back to him?
I dunno, it seems strange. Not something I would want to put up with at all.
I was thinking it was something along these lines as well. I don't play games, nor do I chase so he will be sorely disappointed...
My kids do come first, which is specifically why I say I want a partner to help me raise my kids. I have zero patience for games. I am thanking him constantly for everything he does but if that is not enough, I don't know what to tell him. I would think putting kids first is normal, and parents needs come second in most family situations.
He says all his exes cheated on him. So he is always asking me where I am, who I talked to and what I am doing, etc. He actually asked me about a text in my phone and admitted he looked through it. The text was me asking my coworker if f he wanted lunch, for a lunch meeting. So nothing scandolus. I told him if we have no trust, then we have no relationship. No idea how he even got the password.
With the exception of the trust, insecurity issues, he is exactly what I have always wanted in a man.
Be careful here. Most of the experts will tell you that in a normal marriage, couple relationship with kids, the marriage/couple relationship still needs to come first.
There is this notion around that any single individual must always put their children first, but that is a road which nearly guarantees relationship issue and strife.
Keep in mind, I am speaking in severe generalities here. There are tons of degrees of separation. Couples have to give some priority to their kids. If your kid is sick, you cancel your date night for example and provide them the needed care. You make some sacrifices for them. That said, if your relationship with your partner really needs tending to (and it will and does), you must make it the number one priority to continue nurturing and growing that relationship. In the long run, that relationship is also in the best interest of the children, since their healthy development and future in having relationships will be highly influenced by the roll models of their own parents (or parent and partner).
I know your situation is a bit different, as your dating trying to find a relationship. In a dating situation, your kids will be more of a priority most of the time. However, as you build a relationship with someone, which you hope leads to a long term situation and their willingness to take on your own children, they will want to know they are not going to be at constant risk of playing second fiddle to your kids either. At some point, your partner has to be transitioned into a position of priority in your life too, just like any other couple with kids.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
My kids do come first, which is specifically why I say I want a partner to help me raise my kids. I have zero patience for games. I am thanking him constantly for everything he does but if that is not enough, I don't know what to tell him. I would think putting kids first is normal, and parents needs come second in most family situations.
Nice big game right there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LowonLuck
He says all his exes cheated on him. So he is always asking me where I am, who I talked to and what I am doing, etc. He actually asked me about a text in my phone and admitted he looked through it. The text was me asking my coworker if f he wanted lunch, for a lunch meeting. So nothing scandolus. I told him if we have no trust, then we have no relationship. No idea how he even got the password.
With the exception of the trust, insecurity issues, he is exactly what I have always wanted in a man.
With the exception of being what I'm looking for, he's what I'm looking for, haha, right.
Well played. Well played.
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