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I have been with my current partner for almost four years. When we first dated during our undergrad years she was more or less totally engrossed/committed to everything we did and said with each other.
But over the last 12 months or so, and the arrival of affordable phablets, she seems to have surrendered herself to its versatility & entertainment value. While by the same token I feel like I am becoming a bit player in this relationship.
Whenever we go out; whenever we eat, whenever we entertain others, whenever we do anything together, I know for sure exactly where her phablet will be: In her hand and/or just inches away from her face!
Trying to strike up a conversation is becoming quite a chore these days. I ask a question. Repeat the question, and then wait for a response. When it does come it's either a "Hmmm", "yeah if you like", "yeah, fine" etc. Basically I may as well talk to myself because when I look at my partner all I see is her hand and her the back of "ebaby" in front of her face!
Last night, I invited guests round for dinner. But throughout the meal, and indeed for most of the evening, my partner couldn't resist tap, tap tapping away on her phone, eve though we were supposed to be in full discussion with our visitors. She seemed to be totally absorbed in whatever it was she was looking at, and as the night progressed I became more and more annoyed and irritated by her ignorant actions.
A few nights ago, we were in bed together getting "intimate" shall we say, but then she heard her phone chirp with a text message. But rather than ignure it, she stopped what she was doing and spent a minute or so tap tap tapping again! And then 5 minutes later it happened all over again. By that time I just lost interest, turned over, switched off the light and went to sleep.
I have asked her on numerous occasions to give the phone a rest, but she just can't seem to help herself. It's as if she's become an addict and needs regulard "fixes" to the detriment of me and our relationship.
I'm a bit of a techie myself, and work in an IT environment. But I do know when there's a time and a place to leave gadgets well alone.
We have never really argued or fallen out over this "tug of love", but I am becoming increasingly fed up at playing second fiddle, and I just wonder what options I have remaining to me before calling it a day!
You've repeatedly mentioned to her you are not happy with this situation.
What does she do?
Not only does she ignore your concerns, but she keeps engaging in the same behavior, in your face.
Talk about disrespect.
It may be a small matter to some, but to me it's those little things that speak volumes.
Time to move on if it were me. Ya it's four years plus invested, but why continue when there's nothing but petty little things like this that will eat away at the relationship.
Ha, this sounds like an old Larry Niven short story. If she persists in this behavior to the extent you mention, she'll never get pregnant (or @ least, unlikely). Nor will she be able to sustain long-term relationships - unless with another person with the same inclinations towards tech comms.
As an IT person, you're aware that there are technological means to disrupt cellphones. Unfortunately, most of them are expensive, illegal for civilians to own, let alone operate, & operating even a short-range version likely would put you into the sights of the FCC or whoever controls cellphone signals. You could put her device into a Faraday cage from time to time, I suppose. But she'd likely figure that out.
It doesn't look good. My advice would be to start looking for someone less wired in, @ least casually keeping your options open. I'm sure there are still regular humans out there. Best of luck.
Do you know what she is doing when on phablet? Talking with others? Shopping? Reading a book? Watching movies? Reading news? Completing online courses? Writing a blog? Etc...
You need to find out what is more interesting than you, social gatherings and human interactions. Then go from there.
She could be addicted, though, and needs help.
You have raised your concern, and she isn't receptive.
You either have to change your approach, perhaps you need a few arguments to show her how passionately you feel about it, or question how long you will keep trying with someone who doesn't respect your wishes in the relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy
The writing's on the wall.
You've repeatedly mentioned to her you are not happy with this situation.
What does she do?
Not only does she ignore your concerns, but she keeps engaging in the same behavior, in your face.
Talk about disrespect.
It may be a small matter to some, but to me it's those little things that speak volumes.
Time to move on if it were me. Ya it's four years plus invested, but why continue when there's nothing but petty little things like this that will eat away at the relationship.
Unless she is a doctor, or someone else on call, tell her that when you are making love and holding a dinner party and having an intimate conversation, say at a fancy restaurant, and in similar situations the phone/tablet stays in another room or home or turned off.
If she says "No" it is time to leave.
What does she do on the job to keep from being fired if she is on her phone/tablet so often?
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The quest is the quest
