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Old 06-24-2016, 07:42 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EveryDayGuy View Post
I've explained like 50 times that when I was in my workplace, I did an informal survey to see who mentioned boyfriends to whom, etc.
I'm even more confused. If it was in the workplace it has nothing to do with letting someone down, because anyone worth dating wouldn't hit on people in a professional workplace. It's just making small talk. "What are you doing this weekend?" "Going with my BF to the beach", etc. That's just normal conversation.
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Old 06-24-2016, 07:54 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I always considered a win-win to mention if you have a BF.

The guy doesn't have to go through the awkwardness of being turned down. I thought I was being polite.

Go figure.
At the end of the day if you are really not interested in whomever it is you are taking with it really doesn't matter. Just ignore it, engage in it or laugh it off and continue on with life

It's still a funny behavioral quirk to witness happen, It would seem many never even notice they do this to question why it is they do it. If thought about they understand, but it's second nature for some to be this way.

It makes me wonder where and how the influence that causes it all started and how we pick it up without noticing it's something we even do.

The Genesis of the behavior is interesting to me, not so much how it makes people feel or who should feel what that is so often brutally focused on here on CD.
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Old 06-24-2016, 07:59 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
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And when we don't we get some guy on here with:

"WHY did she let me talk to her for a 1/2 hour when she has a BF!!!! I can't believe I wasted my time!!!! She should have told me. Women don't because they just like the attention!!!!"
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Old 06-24-2016, 08:02 AM
 
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,838,343 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
And when we don't we get some guy on here with:

"WHY did she let me talk to her for a 1/2 hour when she has a BF!!!! I can't believe I wasted my time!!!! She should have told me. Women don't because they just like the attention!!!!"
Yeah, well, this is the problem with this mindset. Talk to people because you want to talk to them, not because of ulterior motives. Problems solved.
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Old 06-24-2016, 08:14 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Aaaaaand yet again.

So what???

What crimp is it putting in any dude's day that a woman he is speaking to "jumps to the end of the line" in error? ESPECIALLY if the guy has zero interest romantically in this silly, erroneous woman, why does it matter? At all? Ever?

Given that context - he wasn't flirting and has NO romantic interest (as he keeps swearing up and down) - how is this even a complaint?

The woman made a mistake - so? Did that mistake totally ruin the guy's day? Did it cost him his job? Did the police come and slap cuffs on him? Did legions of onlookers point and laugh? If not then why the hell is it so bothersome to the guy??? Because he's "treated differently"? Oh come on.
I don't control how others feel or what they are feeling, I was just pointing out why some may perceive it in another way and possibly be bothered by it. Nobody likes to be prejudged or to be treated any differently than the next person down the line
(especially if by those who would not want to be judged in the same fashion)

Some will find it offensive in nature becuase it's profiling who they are before even getting to know them as people.

I think for someone (or anyone) who looks for intent in people's behaviors it's best to acknowledge and understand that not all logic or behavior is rational and not everything someone does is directly affected "by you" in particular.

It's also important to understand there is not one human being on this earth that doesn't have personal baises associated with them. Sometimes there is just no way to make others treat you any differently than you should be by your actions alone, they are just going to think and treat you how they want to.

Last edited by rego00123; 06-24-2016 at 09:33 AM..
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Old 06-24-2016, 08:26 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,427,520 times
Reputation: 9548
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Yeah, well, this is the problem with this mindset. Talk to people because you want to talk to them, not because of ulterior motives. Problems solved.
Not exactly.

People converse with people becuase they are personally seeking something or they want to relay information they deem nessary in some way

There is always "a" personal reason attached when we bother to engauge ourselves with another.

The difference is not all "ulterior" or more specifically "self motivations" for becoming involved in conversation with another are malicious or meant to harm.

This is also where "the problem" the OP was trying to addressed in this thread is born.
The assumption that that point in seeking and relaying to another is macilcous or harmful in its intent.

The issue the OP is describing is born out of why we bother with others to begin with.
IE: "If you speaking to me it's becuase you want something from me"

Which in essence IS true, it's what is wanted that is in contention.

The opposite side of this is just people safeguarding their own interests and shutting out the possibility of others being introduced. It's showing your hand and where you stand without directly saying it or diverting conversation %100 towards the subject.

It's neither right or wrong, It's just a nuanced way of showing and telling our place during moments of socialization.

As it's been stated already, at the end of the day if your motivations for conversing are not reciprocated or acknowledged, you just move on to others who give you what it is that motivates you to seek talk in the first place.

It may be an annoyance for some to have to deal with and be socialized with presumptuous and biased persons at times, but if you hold no agency in those motivations or behaviors you literally have no purpose for them and shouldn't be personally involving yourself further as it suits NO purpose (Small or large) for you to be doing so.

It's not getting you what you seek and it's not getting them what they want in return.

Last edited by rego00123; 06-24-2016 at 09:16 AM.. Reason: Phone
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Old 06-24-2016, 08:27 AM
 
5,722 posts, read 5,786,399 times
Reputation: 4381
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
This happened to me an hour ago. I asked the closest worker a question and she immediately stated that she was married but my question was where is the bathroom at? I wasn't even trying to hit on her. I think many women's (not all) ego is so blown up they think every man who asks her a question is hitting on her when in reality many men aren't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wanderlust76 View Post
This. That's our culture for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Liberty2011 View Post
And you need to look at other men to thank for that.

I'm not disagreeing, I do blame other men for it. I blame them for a lot of things in the completely screwed up dating dichotomy in the US. I only hit on women when I'm 100 percent single. The problem is there's too many guys that want to date 3 women at once, or want to cheat on their wife or girlfriend and many of them are overly aggressive. I've even been $%^& blocked by married guys before because they get jealous if you have a shot with an attractive woman.
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Old 06-24-2016, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,445 posts, read 34,627,532 times
Reputation: 73575
I feel this interaction is being over thought.
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Old 06-24-2016, 09:23 AM
 
5,722 posts, read 5,786,399 times
Reputation: 4381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
And when we don't we get some guy on here with:

"WHY did she let me talk to her for a 1/2 hour when she has a BF!!!! I can't believe I wasted my time!!!! She should have told me. Women don't because they just like the attention!!!!"
At my age if the woman is friendly and reasonably attractive I always assume she is taken.
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Old 06-24-2016, 10:02 PM
 
3,424 posts, read 3,328,706 times
Reputation: 6171
It's happened to me at work.
I've spoken with female colleagues and in conversation they've said "My boyfriend...." as if they're telegraphing the message that they are "spoken for". I really don't care, as I don't date coworkers - never have, never will!
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