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She has recently had a full work up from her dr and everything is fine there.
She is 33. When I try to talk to her she changes the subject or acts as if nothing is wrong.
Not a good sign. Communication is key in a marriage. Of course, from her perspective, everything's hunky-dory, because she no longer has responsibilities.
How did this change take place? Did she all of a sudden enroll the kids in school without telling you? How did she pull off this big switcheroo? And why were they getting homeschooled in the first place?
I totally agree I was on reddit the same time as this post,and on there a man was having a similar problem, wife is becoming obese and refusing to help sort out bills,being irresponsible.
what were the replies " Have you been the man your wife believed she was marrying? Have you been supportive and helped her integrate? You say she's useless (OUCH) but maybe it's because she's so far out of her element she feels paralyzed.She can't really work, and you're calling her fat"
He didn't even call her fat,he just said her servings were very large.But my gosh if it were a woman complaining about her fat irresponsible husband,no woman would say are you being a good wife,ever.haha.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoznots
Of course, typical "Well, if a woman decides to be lazy/ignore her responsibilities/treat her kids like crap it MUST be the man's fault so it's okay" response. Why does it matter? If a man started behaving the same you think one woman here would be all "Well, he may be acting distant, acting like a douche and ignoring his responsibilities but how did YOU treat him? How appreciative of him of all that he did were you?" Stupid god **** double standard.
I totally agree I was on reddit the same time as this post,and on there a man was having a similar problem, wife is becoming obese and refusing to help sort out bills,being irresponsible.
what were the replies " Have you been the man your wife believed she was marrying? Have you been supportive and helped her integrate? You say she's useless (OUCH) but maybe it's because she's so far out of her element she feels paralyzed.She can't really work, and you're calling her fat"
He didn't even call her fat,he just said her servings were very large.But my gosh if it were a woman complaining about her fat irresponsible husband,no woman would say are you being a good wife,ever.haha.
Yeah, and it really bothers me. If a woman acts horrible/irresponsible than it MUST be due to how much/little affection she was given. What a complete and utter BS excuse! And it amazes me it is considered an excuse at all.
Of course, typical "Well, if a woman decides to be lazy/ignore her responsibilities/treat her kids like crap it MUST be the man's fault so it's okay" response. Why does it matter? If a man started behaving the same you think one woman here would be all "Well, he may be acting distant, acting like a douche and ignoring his responsibilities but how did YOU treat him? How appreciative of him of all that he did were you?" Stupid god **** double standard.
What you really mean:I hate women and have a chip on my shoulder. :cryi ng:
well sometimes if men are very lax with the affection women do start to drift,but I don't think lack of attention was the issue in either case,op suggested counseling,this other guy does nothing but cater to her whims and also suggested counseling.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoznots
Yeah, and it really bothers me. If a woman acts horrible/irresponsible than it MUST be due to how much/little affection she was given. What a complete and utter BS excuse! And it amazes me it is considered an excuse at all.
If the OP's wife was keeping house, cooking, working a part-time job and homeschooling two youngsters, my guess is that the stress of doing all that just burned her out. She isn't handling it very well, though. I would second the suggestion that she may be depressed.
Perhaps she compares her lack of career accomplishments with your success. She may miss the stimulation of being in the workplace around other adults and the feeling of self-esteem that she had when you both had interesting careers and were more like equal partners. Perhaps over the years you've grown apart and, in her eyes, the only thing left that you have in common is the children. Perhaps being a SAHM wasn't as fulfilling as she thought it would be.
I am not trying to defend her because I don't think it's fair to point the finger of blame at either party. It takes two to tango. OP, if your wife won't go to marriage counseling, you need to go on your own. Perhaps a neutral trained professional can give you some tools to get past you wife's defenses, draw her out and find out what's going on. if not for yourself, please do it for the children's sake.
well sometimes if men are very lax with the affection women do start to drift,but I don't think lack of attention was the issue in either case,op suggested counseling,this other guy does nothing but cater to her whims and also suggested counseling.
Yeah, my thing is if a woman is lax with the affection many consider it "understandable" if he doesn't.
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