Would you consider this cheating? (dating, marriage, woman, husband)

[beckycat]

One day my husband picked up and left because he couldn't take it anymore. He told me we were over with and he wanted a divorce. We've been together 19 years and married 16 years. Three weeks later, I find out he's with another woman. Do you consider this cheating? Mind you, six weeks later he wants to come back as he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side.

[Charley]

Assuming you are still legally married, yes, in my humble opinion, that's cheating.

[Denise in Fla]

Without a doubt, thats why he left in the first place. Funny how they want to come back when they find out the grass isn't always greener, just more grass.

[Roaddog]

Originally Posted by beckycat

One day my husband picked up and left because he couldn't take it anymore. He told me we were over with and he wanted a divorce. We've been together 19 years and married 16 years. Three weeks later, I find out he's with another woman. Do you consider this cheating? Mind you, six weeks later he wants to come back as he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side.

I would say that at three weeks later he's with a woman then three weeks earlier he was with her and yes he's a cheater and six weeks later he wants to come back, well of course that will be up to you. Good luck.

[sierraAZ]

Originally Posted by beckycat

One day my husband picked up and left because he couldn't take it anymore. He told me we were over with and he wanted a divorce. We've been together 19 years and married 16 years. Three weeks later, I find out he's with another woman. Do you consider this cheating? Mind you, six weeks later he wants to come back as he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Well, according to many this is called separation-period "dating"... Supposedly, the couple has to establish rules while being separated - whether they can or cannot date other people. Of course, in your case I'd say this woman most likely didn't just pop up in the course of 3 weeks...

As far as the grass being greener on the other side... not only it's not greener, but it'll take more work to get it to be at least as green! In my opinion, it's more of a choice between wanting to be married or not. Changing partners is not the answer. You just get a whole new set of different problems.

[Huckleberry3911948]

wanting one and filing for one are 2 different things.
if you are married and you do it, you are cheating.
i think if you file for separation or divorce you are ok,
but im no angel. i already got my asbestos suit in layaway.

[NC~Mom]

It's cheating. Sounds like he was cheating even before he left you.

[karibear]

Originally Posted by beckycat

One day my husband picked up and left because he couldn't take it anymore. He told me we were over with and he wanted a divorce. We've been together 19 years and married 16 years. Three weeks later, I find out he's with another woman. Do you consider this cheating? Mind you, six weeks later he wants to come back as he found out that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Yes, it's cheating. Anything one does without having a divorce decree in hand first is cheating. Sounds like a fit of mid-life insanity to me, not necessarily a 'grass is greener' thing, but more like someone grasping at straws for fading youth. Once in a blue moon, he/she may truly come to their senses and deserve a second chance to work things out, and only the one who's been left holding the bag can make that decision. But if you decide to give him that chance, the first thing would be to insist on a clean bill of health.

[beckycat]

When he left, he went 1200 mi back to our home state. He hadn't been there for about 6 months prior. Therfore, I don't think it was planned. It was with a friend that he grew up with. Anyhow, he claims he was going through a mid-life crisis at 36. He was on anti-depressants and suddenly stopped taking them about 3 weeks before he left. I don't know if that has anything to do with it. I'm not trying to say it's acceptable either, I just want you to know the entire story.

[shoghi]

Originally Posted by beckycat

Three weeks later, I find out he's with another woman.

A few questions:

(1) Was this "other woman" in the picture pre-walkout?
(2) If so, why did you not suspect something?
(3) If not, how did things get to the "walkout" point unknown to you?

Why the zeal to brand him a "cheater?" Let me guess: Makes him the bad guy, right? Labels are nice, one supposes, but quite useless. Right now is not the time to play the blame game.

The point (and I could be wrong...) is that something was seriously amiss in your marriage and you missed it. After 19 years together-- Gads, you could have kid(s) serving in Iraq, grandkids, that is a long time-- this snuck up on you? After almost two decades you know this guy, know what he wants, and what he expects. In this case what he wanted could only be supplied (however temporarily) by another female.

Take off the Rose Colored Glasses and get to work on your marriage.

My $0.02.