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My ex-wife had an affair three years before our divorce. I knew about it reasonably quick, about two months into her 'lil infidelity issues. I'm intensely aware of my behaviors that were a big part of our marriage failure, so I'll concentrate on the aftermath instead......
I didn't hate her for it. But I lost respect for her. I just couldn't take her seriously. About anything. In my eyes, she wasn't a lady anymore, nor the love of my life. I was just simply there.......standing by her side at funerals and weddings. She became my roommate.
Three years of hell on earth, and she finally left me for another lover. I was crushed, heartbroken, and had to seek counseling for fear that I just might end it all. The thought occurred to me.....and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
I look back on it and wish that she just should've left the first time. It would've saved a lot of grief.....and time.
WOW! Posting from your heart. I sure hope the original poster reads this and thinks about her options. If she ends it, yes, it may be painful for her husband, but to cheat, and then end it, could be devastating to him.
WOW! Posting from your heart. I sure hope the original poster reads this and thinks about her options. If she ends it, yes, it may be painful for her husband, but to cheat, and then end it, could be devastating to him.
Yeah... pretty heavy post. I feel bad for that guy... it sounds like he's moved on, was painful to read that and I really feel bad for him.
wow probably should not have gotten married....you need to be physically attracted to someone. I dont care what people say personality alone wont do the trick....if you are not happy you should leave the relationship...dont stay where you are not happy
I have to post this somewhere even if it means i will get judged. I dont even know when it started, at least a year but i am no longer attracted to my husband. I dont think i ever was, but i overlooked that because i felt his personality made up for that. Now 6 yrs into marriage, he has became a hot tempered cranky mid 30's guy. I dont even know whats left of him for me to be in love with. We maintain a civilized relationship, he probably still loves me but i can never stand all the lovey dovey gestures. We argue at least once a week. The more i grow tired of our relationship, the more my eyes start to wander. I see younger, cuter guys (im 8 yrs younger). These guys have always been out of my league. I was never bad looking to begin with, but im more of the down to earth, girl next door type whereas these guys almost always go for preppy girls with heavy make up.
I confessed this with my mom and she rubbed salt in the wound by saying this is the reason why she advises my younger sisters to not settle too soon because there are so many options. I got married when i was 21. I dont know what to do now, the more i run into hotter guys or see he friends with better looking mates the more i feel a distance towards my husband. Is it true once the attraction is gone, you can never get it back especially if i was never physically attracted to him in the first place?
All you posters accusing the OP of being on the brink of having an affair (nice judgments there, btw) and being ready to screw anyone who's good looking need to re-read her actual words.
She married young (I did too, long ago) and is now realizing that it wasn't a good match. It happens. It's happened countless times in the last hundred years. It is not her fault that she and her husband might not be a good match anymore, because people do grow and change, and sometimes that growth and change goes in an opposite direction from one's mate.
She is noticing that she is attracted to other people. And who among you will claim that you have never been attracted to someone else while in a relationship??? I really doubt you're all pure minded individuals whose thoughts or eyes have never, ever, ever wandered.
She has a choice to make and she needs to think thoroughly through all her options and consider the impact whatever choice she makes will have on everyone involved. But what she's thinking and feeling don't make her a bad person or an adulterer. Geesh.
All you posters accusing the OP of being on the brink of having an affair (nice judgments there, btw) and being ready to screw anyone who's good looking need to re-read her actual words.
She married young (I did too, long ago) and is now realizing that it wasn't a good match. It happens. It's happened countless times in the last hundred years. It is not her fault that she and her husband might not be a good match anymore, because people do grow and change, and sometimes that growth and change goes in an opposite direction from one's mate.
She is noticing that she is attracted to other people. And who among you will claim that you have never been attracted to someone else while in a relationship??? I really doubt you're all pure minded individuals whose thoughts or eyes have never, ever, ever wandered.
She has a choice to make and she needs to think thoroughly through all her options and consider the impact whatever choice she makes will have on everyone involved. But what she's thinking and feeling don't make her a bad person or an adulterer. Geesh.
No she's not an adulterer but she sure is dumb for staying with a man that's never done it for her physically, and she needs that for her to have a successful relationship and marriage, obviously.
She knew from the beginning. I don't get it, that's stupid. Try to defend it all you want but that's just dumb. And then proceeded to marry and have a couple kids by the guy. I'm so confused as to why any person would do this. She's made decisions that will impact her for the rest of her life with a guy she isn't satisfied with.
What's the guy supposed to do? A person can only do so much to improve his appearance, to look better for whomever they want to look good for, but he's never done it for her from the beginning and now she's mad because she's still not attracted to her husband. A guy she should have only dated at best or just be friends with. I have to assume that the husband has probably done something(s) to help make her feel unhappy too, but her being unattracted to him from the start is all her fault.
I'm sorry, she makes no sense to me. You don't marry someone you aren't happy with in every aspect that's important to you.
All you posters accusing the OP of being on the brink of having an affair (nice judgments there, btw) and being ready to screw anyone who's good looking need to re-read her actual words.
She married young (I did too, long ago) and is now realizing that it wasn't a good match. It happens. It's happened countless times in the last hundred years. It is not her fault that she and her husband might not be a good match anymore, because people do grow and change, and sometimes that growth and change goes in an opposite direction from one's mate.
She is noticing that she is attracted to other people. And who among you will claim that you have never been attracted to someone else while in a relationship??? I really doubt you're all pure minded individuals whose thoughts or eyes have never, ever, ever wandered.
She has a choice to make and she needs to think thoroughly through all her options and consider the impact whatever choice she makes will have on everyone involved. But what she's thinking and feeling don't make her a bad person or an adulterer. Geesh.
The gist of what she seems to be posting isn't that, "Well, there was one a spark, but I'm not attracted anymore..." she clearly stated that she was NEVER attracted. It's not that they are "no longer a good match," it's that they never were. And that IS on her. Just as it would be on anyone who marries somebody knowing they're not attracted.
No she's not an adulterer but she sure is dumb for staying with a man that's never done it for her physically, and she needs that for her to have a successful relationship and marriage, obviously.
She knew from the beginning. I don't get it, that's stupid. Try to defend it all you want but that's just dumb. And then proceeded to marry and have a couple kids by the guy. I'm so confused as to why any person would do this. She's made decisions that will impact her for the rest of her life with a guy she isn't satisfied with.
What's the guy supposed to do? A person can only do so much to improve his appearance, to look better for whomever they want to look good for, but he's never done it for her from the beginning and now she's mad because she's still not attracted to her husband. A guy she should have only dated at best or just be friends with. I have to assume that the husband has probably done something(s) to help make her feel unhappy too, but her being unattracted to him from the start is all her fault.
I'm sorry, she makes no sense to me. You don't marry someone you aren't happy with in every aspect that's important to you.
So in your infinite wisdom and myriad relationship experiences, you've never made a single mistake? You've never made a bad choice, a bad decision? Good for you.
No she's not an adulterer but she sure is dumb for staying with a man that's never done it for her physically, and she needs that for her to have a successful relationship and marriage, obviously.
She knew from the beginning. I don't get it, that's stupid. Try to defend it all you want but that's just dumb. And then proceeded to marry and have a couple kids by the guy. I'm so confused as to why any person would do this. She's made decisions that will impact her for the rest of her life with a guy she isn't satisfied with.
What's the guy supposed to do? A person can only do so much to improve his appearance, to look better for whomever they want to look good for, but he's never done it for her from the beginning and now she's mad because she's still not attracted to her husband. A guy she should have only dated at best or just be friends with. I have to assume that the husband has probably done something(s) to help make her feel unhappy too, but her being unattracted to him from the start is all her fault.
I'm sorry, she makes no sense to me. You don't marry someone you aren't happy with in every aspect that's important to you.
It makes perfect sense to me. When someone wants out of a relationship (for whatever reason) they tend to exaggerate/exacerbate issues that haven't been a big issue for many years.
So in your infinite wisdom and myriad relationship experiences, you've never made a single mistake? You've never made a bad choice, a bad decision? Good for you.
Eh.
Going out a few times more than you should with somebody who holds no attraction because you can't figure out how to comfortably break it off is a "bad decision."
Marrying a person who holds no attraction for you is above and beyond a simple bad decision. It's actually using somebody.
So in your infinite wisdom and myriad relationship experiences, you've never made a single mistake? You've never made a bad choice, a bad decision? Good for you.
I am pretty amazing, you're right. Thank you so much for noticing!
But in all seriousness I've not made a bad mistake on the level she's made in my life, no. My mistakes are or were correctable and lessons learned without anyone suffering.
She's made a mistake that might invoke a lot of suffering for all parties involved. Nothing I've done comes close to that. And everything that's happened, up and to this post, could have been avoided with a "Let's just be friends?" line on the 2nd date, because he hasn't ever done it for her.
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