Opininons of all this situation with this guy? (girlfriend, women, love)
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I know this guy for more than two years. At the beginning he was in a reletioonship and we were just friends. I was single and I did my own buisness.
One year ago, while he was still engaged, it happened something and we slept together. Very soon he broke up with his girlfriend and it started a fwb relationship between us. At one point I realised that i was feeling something more about him, so I told him. He told me that he likes me a lot and he spends great time with me but he didn't want anything serious. I accepted this. In fact I knew for sure that he was still sleeping sometimes with his ex girlfriend and also other people. I couldn't be angry for this with him, in fact i didn't. I tried only to explain that i wanted something more and if he didn't we had to end it.
He said "I care about you, maybe things can change, I don't know, I don't know what i want." I said "I can understand you, but if you care about me and don't want anything, do it for me and let me go". Everytime we ended it, he always came back with beautiful words and I, stupid I know, fell into him again.
In all this year I never dated someone else or did anyting with anyone. I refused everybody, respecting my feelings for him. I have always been faithful, even if he repeated to me that I had to do my stuff because that's what he was doing. I gave everything to him, I was kind and careful, i always tried to make clear that he was important to me, I stuck my neck out because i felt to be like that. I justified all of his behaviours, when he didn't answer texts, when he lied or avoid the problem, when he disappeared for long time and then came back as if nothing has happened, when he was with someone else. I was stucked in this and I forgot my dignity because I hoped everytime he came back, things could be different, but no, he didn't change his mind. And everytime he came back, I felt used only for sex and that hurted me a lot.
So, 3 weeks ago, i said to him once for all "This is over. If you want me, tell me, If you don't, let me go." He didn't say anything in these weeks so I convinced myself to stop it.
Last weekend I were at a party and there was him too. I was really drunk, at one point he came to me, I couldn't say no and we had sex. After that I was confused, I felt hurt again and i felt stupid and miserable for falling again. The same night, another guy approached me, I had sex with him too. I know I have done something awful, and I feel horrible about this. The first thing I did was calling him and telling "I slept with someone else after you". He didn't say anything except "the important is that you did after me and not before". The next day i contacted him and told him that i felt awful about what I did, I felt guilty because I love him and I realised this even more after that. That I lied to myself, I believed that I could turn page because he didn't want me, but no, I couldn't. I told him that i realised that i can't do my stuff if we don't end it once far all, even if I should because he always said that he don't want anything from me. I apologied to him. He treated me bad, he told me that i am a s**t and all the feelings that i confess to him in all this time were a lie.
Now I feel that it's all my fault and I can't forgive me. I think that if there was one possibility, I ruined it with this single episode. I really don't know what to do.
Does he have the right to believe that, after this episode, all my feelings are lies and treat me like this? Because I tend to justify him once again, and I can't understand if this is only my problem to solve with myself, or if I actually did something bad to him. I am not proud, to me, of what I did, of course, but if he always said to me he didn't want something more, what's the point of being so bad to me now?
I know this guy for more than two years. At the beginning he was in a reletioonship and we were just friends. I was single and I did my own buisness.
One year ago, while he was still engaged, it happened something and we slept together. Very soon he broke up with his girlfriend and it started a fwb relationship between us. At one point I realised that i was feeling something more about him, so I told him. He told me that he likes me a lot and he spends great time with me but he didn't want anything serious. I accepted this. In fact I knew for sure that he was still sleeping sometimes with his ex girlfriend and also other people. I couldn't be angry for this with him, in fact i didn't. I tried only to explain that i wanted something more and if he didn't we had to end it.
He said "I care about you, maybe things can change, I don't know, I don't know what i want." I said "I can understand you, but if you care about me and don't want anything, do it for me and let me go". Everytime we ended it, he always came back with beautiful words and I, stupid I know, fell into him again.
In all this year I never dated someone else or did anyting with anyone. I refused everybody, respecting my feelings for him. I have always been faithful, even if he repeated to me that I had to do my stuff because that's what he was doing. I gave everything to him, I was kind and careful, i always tried to make clear that he was important to me, I stuck my neck out because i felt to be like that. I justified all of his behaviours, when he didn't answer texts, when he lied or avoid the problem, when he disappeared for long time and then came back as if nothing has happened, when he was with someone else. I was stucked in this and I forgot my dignity because I hoped everytime he came back, things could be different, but no, he didn't change his mind. And everytime he came back, I felt used only for sex and that hurted me a lot.
So, 3 weeks ago, i said to him once for all "This is over. If you want me, tell me, If you don't, let me go." He didn't say anything in these weeks so I convinced myself to stop it.
Last weekend I were at a party and there was him too. I was really drunk, at one point he came to me, I couldn't say no and we had sex. After that I was confused, I felt hurt again and i felt stupid and miserable for falling again. The same night, another guy approached me, I had sex with him too. I know I have done something awful, and I feel horrible about this. The first thing I did was calling him and telling "I slept with someone else after you". He didn't say anything except "the important is that you did after me and not before". The next day i contacted him and told him that i felt awful about what I did, I felt guilty because I love him and I realised this even more after that. That I lied to myself, I believed that I could turn page because he didn't want me, but no, I couldn't. I told him that i realised that i can't do my stuff if we don't end it once far all, even if I should because he always said that he don't want anything from me. I apologied to him. He treated me bad, he told me that i am a s**t and all the feelings that i confess to him in all this time were a lie.
Now I feel that it's all my fault and I can't forgive me. I think that if there was one possibility, I ruined it with this single episode. I really don't know what to do.
Does he have the right to believe that, after this episode, all my feelings are lies and treat me like this? Because I tend to justify him once again, and I can't understand if this is only my problem to solve with myself, or if I actually did something bad to him. I am not proud, to me, of what I did, of course, but if he always said to me he didn't want something more, what's the point of being so bad to me now?
I don't know what is malfunctioning in your brain to make you think this way about this guy, but yes, you have done this to yourself.
It's always been over between the two of you. There was never anything of substance between you, and he told you that time after time, yet you still had sex with him.
You need to work on figuring out whatever it is that makes you value yourself so little that you will go back to be used time after time. And do whatever you can to stay away from him.
I don't know what is malfunctioning in your brain to make you think this way about this guy, but yes, you have done this to yourself.
It's always been over between the two of you. There was never anything of substance between you, and he told you that time after time, yet you still had sex with him.
You need to work on figuring out whatever it is that makes you value yourself so little that you will go back to be used time after time. And do whatever you can to stay away from him.
This.
The guy does not love you, nor have any respect for you. He says just enough to keep you on the hook. Why? Because he likes sex, not you.You're no different than any other women he may be sleeping with.
In the end, people treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. If there have been tons of red-flags, and a person has made clear they don't want what you want -you have 2 choices. Leave and find a better match. Or stay, but you have no rights to complain because they told you what to expect.
Not to mention this guy cheated on his fiance with you. Why would you think he'd respect you when he disrespects his fiance whom he's been with much longer than you? Naive on your part.
I knew from the beginning, you're right. In fact, this is not actually my point. What I can't understand is why, after this thing I did, he blamed me and treated me really bad. He told me that I am a bad person and a liar, like if this episode is the reason why he didn't want a relationship. I was not ready to be with someone else, and I acted wrong to me and my feelings, but why does he have to tell me all those bad things? He never wanted anything from me, and I know this, so why be so mean to me? I don't think I deserve it. After how much I tried with him, for a single mistake, he makes me feel like it is my fault.
You must have been treated very badly by one or both of your parents when you were growing up.
Why do you think that? It's not true.
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