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I am about to turn 30 later this year. I was definitely not the party type during college as I didn't drink and smoke and with graduate school pretty much did not finish until 27. Add being an introvert to that and my relationships have been sparse.
I currently work in a corporate environment. For the most part, the people in my department/company are at least 10 years older than me. And I occasionally hear from some of the older women in my workplace, some of whom are actually single or have never been married, that I'm good "husband material". Same goes for the girls my age I know outside work.
Financially stable
Squeaky clean background
Good career
Able to handle most domestic duties that older generations attributed to women
I may say that the whole issue is the dichotomy of being from an Asian background (Chinese/Vietnamese) where dating/relationships were not necessarily about love at first sight/instant mutual attraction versus how it's portrayed by Hollywood and media. So it creates a divide between what is husband and boyfriend material.
So I am finding it at best a backhanded compliment at best when I hear about "husband material" and I compare to the sparseness of my dating life and realize I may be the type of guy that a girl's mother likes more than the girl .
I think the complaint may be OP feels HM is a way of saying he's the safety net women come to when they want stability. But not the guy that women find sex or lust for. So he'll have this woman who wants to marry him, but she won't be particularly passionate or hot for him like the guys she's dated.
It's like the other thread in Psychology or Non-Romantic. Someone asks where "Cute" stands on the attractiveness scale. Some say it's a very good compliment. Others feel cute is something to call an animal or child. Thus when you get called cute, it means you're alright, but nothing special -not hot or sexy.
So some things that seem like compliments, people feel are negative to the image they'd like to have.
I may say that the whole issue is the dichotomy of being from an Asian background (Chinese/Vietnamese) where dating/relationships were not necessarily about love at first sight/instant mutual attraction versus how it's portrayed by Hollywood and media. So it creates a divide between what is husband and boyfriend material.
So I am finding it at best a backhanded compliment at best when I hear about "husband material" and I compare to the sparseness of my dating life and realize I may be the type of guy that a girl's mother likes more than the girl .
Assuming your co-workers aren't from an Asian background, THEY don't know that "husband material" is seen as a slight, right??
So you're taking it personally even thought they apparently don't mean it as an insult. You're creating the so-called problem.
I'd be flattered if ANY person considered me husband material.
That means I am a stable provider, decent income/job history, not bad looking, decent, kind, honorable person and every other good traits that come with being a good husband.
It is a compliment but I do get where you are coming from. Single and mostly ignored by women during most of your 20s and now that you have your career going you are starting to get female interest because you have your life in order. However where were these women when you were single and a broke college student? Maybe they were dating bad boys maybe not. One of my pet peeves as a man is women that date bad boys and have their fun then look for a stable responsible man to settle down with; especially if they have kids from the bad boys they dated.
Being called Husband Material is a compliment though. It depends on who it is coming from and her history whether I would accept it or not. Mod cut.
edit: VanillaChocolate knows it.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-16-2016 at 10:34 AM..
Reason: Not PG-13.
It is a compliment but I do get where you are coming from. Single and mostly ignored by women during most of your 20s and now that you have your career going you are starting to get female interest because you have your life in order. However where were these women when you were single and a broke college student? Maybe they were dating bad boys maybe not. One of my pet peeves as a man is women that date bad boys and have their fun then look for a stable responsible man to settle down with; especially if they have kids from the bad boys they dated.
Being called Husband Material is a compliment though. It depends on who it is coming from and her history whether I would accept it or not. [snip]
edit: VanillaChocolate knows it.
Oh, come on. Any plainer, not as party-ish, non-hottie girl could say the same thing. Where were all the guys before they wanted a woman who would be thoughtful and bring in an income and help keep house? Oh yeah, fighting each other for the hotties. Duh, that's youth - from both sides. The young don't (generally) want to settle down. They're experimentimg and they're insanely hormonal. They want the.excitement and the drama and the heat. Then, they all grow up. Well, with an exception here and there.
Reality and human nature may be a pet peeve for you, but they're still reality and human nature.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 07-16-2016 at 10:39 AM..
Reason: Reply to comment which has been deleted.
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