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Old 07-16-2016, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Crook County, Hellinois
5,820 posts, read 3,849,372 times
Reputation: 8123

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Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate View Post
I think the complaint may be OP feels HM is a way of saying he's the safety net women come to when they want stability. But not the guy that women find sex or lust for. So he'll have this woman who wants to marry him, but she won't be particularly passionate or hot for him like the guys she's dated.
I think this nicely said. Quoting for truth. A hundred times so when there are pre-existing kids in the equation.

This quote emphasizes the importance of passion/excitement in marriage. While most marriages lose passion over time, to be replaced by comfort (neither is better or worse than the other), a marriage should never be passionless from the get-go. It's like launching the Space Shuttle without the booster rockets. So I'd wager a guess that in OP's mind, the alleged compliment "marriage material" somehow implies just that: lack of passion/excitement.
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Old 07-16-2016, 03:43 PM
 
273 posts, read 208,932 times
Reputation: 253
Quote:
Originally Posted by MillennialUrbanist View Post
I think this nicely said. Quoting for truth. A hundred times so when there are pre-existing kids in the equation.

This quote emphasizes the importance of passion/excitement in marriage. While most marriages lose passion over time, to be replaced by comfort (neither is better or worse than the other), a marriage should never be passionless from the get-go. It's like launching the Space Shuttle without the booster rockets. So I'd wager a guess that in OP's mind, the alleged compliment "marriage material" somehow implies just that: lack of passion/excitement.
What's wrong with lacking passion?

At this stage in my life, I'm looking for stability. I couldn't care less how much the woman excites me in the loin area.
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Old 07-16-2016, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Northern Wisconsin
10,379 posts, read 10,877,650 times
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It means be very careful of women who want you, not for the person you are, but the stability and imcome that you can provide. Will women marry just for money. Absolutely. Be especially careful of single mothers.
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Old 07-16-2016, 04:09 PM
 
71 posts, read 77,933 times
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I've heard this from people who wouldn't date me under any circumstances - too dry, too ambitious, too conservative in life choices - and yes, it is a backhanded compliment, especially for someone like myself who doesn't believe in marriage and rejects it outright as a social institution.

On the other hand, to a very traditional/conservative type of woman who believes that sex should be saved until after marriage, it might be a compliment. But that's not the kind of person I'd be interested in.
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Old 07-16-2016, 04:10 PM
 
1,915 posts, read 1,474,764 times
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OP it's not a backhanded compliment. It just shows that people see you for the quality man you are. Nothing more. I get the wife material compliment (at least I did when dating trying to find someone). It was frustrating because I was not looking for a husband. I just wanted to meet someone and fall in love.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Oh, come on. Any plainer, not as party-ish, non-hottie girl could say the same thing. Where were all the guys before they wanted a woman who would be thoughtful and bring in an income and help keep house? Oh yeah, fighting each other for the hotties. Duh, that's youth - from both sides. The young don't (generally) want to settle down. They're experimentimg and they're insanely hormonal. They want the.excitement and the drama and the heat. Then, they all grow up. Well, with an exception here and there.

Reality and human nature may be a pet peeve for you, but they're still reality and human nature.

Mod cut.
Yep. It happened to me. I was quiet, shy, studious, and a little over weight in college. I was roundly ignored by all men. Now that I'm past that, in shape, have a good job, stable life, etc when I started looking for a "just a boyfriend" before I met the man I'm dating now, all these men wanting a wife came out of the woodwork. I mean first date after meeting online telling me they wanted to be married and have kids stuff. Where were they when I was lonely on Friday and Saturday nights in college? Probably pining for the hotties.

Now to be fair, I didn't ask them out either when I was in college. So I only have myself to blame for my own inaction. I get the impression now that the really good looking popular college students all go around dating each other and us wall flowers just kind of watched them with envy thinking EVERYONE was dating around except us.

Of course people mature and change and they start looking for more than hot in a partner.
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Old 07-16-2016, 05:51 PM
 
273 posts, read 208,932 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
It means be very careful of women who want you, not for the person you are, but the stability and imcome that you can provide. Will women marry just for money. Absolutely. Be especially careful of single mothers.
That's pretty obvious, in my opinion.

These days, I only date women with a solid and established career. Probably wouldn't marry one without seeing her credit report either.

But I would expect a woman to view me this way as well.
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Old 07-16-2016, 05:57 PM
 
1,481 posts, read 1,222,033 times
Reputation: 1777
Quote:
Originally Posted by dcarney View Post
What's wrong with lacking passion?

At this stage in my life, I'm looking for stability. I couldn't care less how much the woman excites me in the loin area.
I find that a bit sad! Hell, I reckon even at 80 i'ld still look for passion in my relationship. Aren't you just friends otherwise? I refuse to settle.
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Old 07-16-2016, 06:03 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,261,749 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
Assuming your co-workers aren't from an Asian background, THEY don't know that "husband material" is seen as a slight, right??

So you're taking it personally even thought they apparently don't mean it as an insult. You're creating the so-called problem.
Exactly.
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Old 07-16-2016, 06:11 PM
 
4,857 posts, read 7,587,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dcarney View Post
What's wrong with lacking passion?

At this stage in my life, I'm looking for stability. I couldn't care less how much the woman excites me in the loin area.
So a roommate then?



I kind of agree with the op that 'husband material' can be a backhanded compliment.

It sounds like they're saying "You meet my basic requirements. I'm ready to get married, you seem like the type of guy I don't have to wonder where he's at, who he's with." without really sounding like they're interested in him as a person at all.
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Old 07-16-2016, 06:18 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,675 posts, read 11,489,133 times
Reputation: 12549
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dport7674 View Post
So a roommate then?



I kind of agree with the op that 'husband material' can be a backhanded compliment.

It sounds like they're saying "You meet my basic requirements. I'm ready to get married, you seem like the type of guy I don't have to wonder where he's at, who he's with." without really sounding like they're interested in him as a person at all.
So reliable and trustworthy...... They are very nice compliments IMO.

I know what you are saying mate that it's just more of a safe bet and not too exciting but he really is looking into it too much I'm sure of it.
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