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But certainly in my circle and most others I'd guess most that are single it's by choice.
They have a divorce or two under their belt and think women suck. Prison time damaged them. Or the drug use prior might have. A few have had multiple exes cheat on them, so they have major trust issues. The few that were not damaged by divorce or prison, have very controlling, almost violent personalities.
The nice normal guys, with none of these issues have been married a really long time. A few unhappily but they have not made the leap yet to be single.
They have a divorce or two under their belt and think women suck. Prison time damaged them. Or the drug use prior might have. A few have had multiple exes cheat on them, so they have major trust issues. The few that were not damaged by divorce or prison, have very controlling, almost violent personalities.
The nice normal guys, with none of these issues have been married a really long time. A few unhappily but they have not made the leap yet to be single.
I dated in the 90s. I also married in the early 90s (92 to be exact). It was more personal than it is now, from what I have read in several different forums. You spoke on the phone or in person, you went on dates without cell phones to play on during the dates and then you decided after a date or two if you wanted to continue to see each other. There weren't all these FWB or FB relationships, the idea behind dating back then was to find a long term partner. There didn't seem to be the commitment phobia that I see now.
I met the guys I dated either through work (in a restaurant) or in bars after I got off from work or through friends and family. I had a general idea of their personalities before we went on a date, instead of hoping what they portray online is the "real" them.
So yes, I think dating in the 90s was easier, i.e. less complicated and more "real" than it is now. I am so glad I am out of the dating pool! I have a 28 year old son and see what he goes through. He'd like to find the right person and settle down, but it's so hard for him. I keep telling him that his step dad was 30 when we met, so he'll find the right person eventually.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I wasn't dating much in the 90s (I was only 17 in 1999), but I DO feel that things were a LOT different back then with regards to dating, and even friendship relationships.
People were less superficial, there wasn't the pressure to look "perfect" on some social media site, you didn't communicate through "text" with 90% of your friends, you had your PRIVACY, you weren't bombarded with a lot of "updates" on what your friends were doing, there seemed to be less drama, people read more BOOKS lol, you met people through friends and family or school and work, etc.
Things just seemed simpler then. People also seemed to be less jaded about dating in general. People (men AND women) weren't so PICKY. Now days, I feel like people are kind of looking for perfection in the opposite sex. Now it's almost expected that the guy has to have "the job", "the car", "the 401K", by the time he's 25, when that's just not realistic. Back then, people were fine marrying a guy and both GROWING together in their careers, in their family, etc. Now it's like, if he doesn't have a 6-figure job, he's considered a "loser". Yikes... It's just so superficial these days. People (imo) have lost the art of what is really important in relationships. It's not about how big your bank account is, or how big your bra-size is.... It's DEEPER than that.
But these days, the dating scene has become so discouraging. Plus, I feel like people aren't even thinking about marriage now. Especially men... It's not uncommon to see men in their 30's and 40's still bachelors, NEVER been married, etc. Then, you have women like myself (who are now in their 30's), STILL single, childless, and looking to find a man who is upstanding, respectable, looking for a serious relationship, and is a good guy. It's really crazy what the internet, technology and social media has done to socializing period. Now, people seem to be more addicted to their PHONES than anything else. Smh....It's really sad.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Originally Posted by Sunny_View
But these days, the dating scene has become so discouraging. Plus, I feel like people aren't even thinking about marriage now. Especially men... It's not uncommon to see men in their 30's and 40's still bachelors, NEVER been married, etc. Then, you have women like myself (who are now in their 30's), STILL single, childless, and looking to find a man who is upstanding, respectable, looking for a serious relationship, and is a good guy.
It's not especially men. It's equally men. Plenty of women want to get married and just haven't met the right person and aren't going to marry someone when they know it won't work, and then there are plenty of women that have no desire to get married. Not getting married is better then getting married and having it fail. Both genders have this going on.
But people should be waiting to their 30s at least to get married IMO as our brains aren't fully mature until the mid to late 20s or even 30.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I wasn't dating much in the 90s (I was only 17 in 1999), but I DO feel that things were a LOT different back then with regards to dating, and even friendship relationships.
People were less superficial, there wasn't the pressure to look "perfect" on some social media site, you didn't communicate through "text" with 90% of your friends, you had your PRIVACY, you weren't bombarded with a lot of "updates" on what your friends were doing, there seemed to be less drama, people read more BOOKS lol, you met people through friends and family or school and work, etc.
Things just seemed simpler then. People also seemed to be less jaded about dating in general. People (men AND women) weren't so PICKY. Now days, I feel like people are kind of looking for perfection in the opposite sex. Now it's almost expected that the guy has to have "the job", "the car", "the 401K", by the time he's 25, when that's just not realistic. Back then, people were fine marrying a guy and both GROWING together in their careers, in their family, etc. Now it's like, if he doesn't have a 6-figure job, he's considered a "loser". Yikes... It's just so superficial these days. People (imo) have lost the art of what is really important in relationships. It's not about how big your bank account is, or how big your bra-size is.... It's DEEPER than that.
But these days, the dating scene has become so discouraging. Plus, I feel like people aren't even thinking about marriage now. Especially men... It's not uncommon to see men in their 30's and 40's still bachelors, NEVER been married, etc. Then, you have women like myself (who are now in their 30's), STILL single, childless, and looking to find a man who is upstanding, respectable, looking for a serious relationship, and is a good guy. It's really crazy what the internet, technology and social media has done to socializing period. Now, people seem to be more addicted to their PHONES than anything else. Smh....It's really sad.
i didnt date much in the 90's. i cant comment on much other than observation. But even my observation will be different than those that were dating.
However, in my late teens, there were players on both sides, and some people had lower expectations while others had exceptional requirements when looking to date.
But this whole cell phone social media facebook/snap chat obsession is seriouly getting out of control.
Right, but you still had to seek it out, it wasn't at your fingertips in a snap. Flipping through nudie magazines in the garage is or seeing a topless woman in soft focus on cable is (and was) a lot different than seeing video after video of hardcore sex long before you've ever actually fumbled around with someone at a party. Like I said, I know it's not a popular opinion, but I can't believe that having that kind of access and expectations doesn't color an inexperienced person's attitude toward sex.
It does. Porn is messing up kids now that grew up with it. Teaching unhealthy attitudes and causing anxiety over performance and size (as if porn is all you know then you might think it's the norm).
At least with magazines it was a static image and still pretty tame.
On another note I found out Playboy had pretty good articles in it eventually.
They have a divorce or two under their belt and think women suck. Prison time damaged them. Or the drug use prior might have. A few have had multiple exes cheat on them, so they have major trust issues. The few that were not damaged by divorce or prison, have very controlling, almost violent personalities.
The nice normal guys, with none of these issues have been married a really long time. A few unhappily but they have not made the leap yet to be single.
That's sad. Can you try new places to meet people?
Thanks for sharing your experiences. I wasn't dating much in the 90s (I was only 17 in 1999), but I DO feel that things were a LOT different back then with regards to dating, and even friendship relationships.
People were less superficial, there wasn't the pressure to look "perfect" on some social media site, you didn't communicate through "text" with 90% of your friends, you had your PRIVACY, you weren't bombarded with a lot of "updates" on what your friends were doing, there seemed to be less drama, people read more BOOKS lol, you met people through friends and family or school and work, etc.
Things just seemed simpler then. People also seemed to be less jaded about dating in general. People (men AND women) weren't so PICKY. Now days, I feel like people are kind of looking for perfection in the opposite sex. Now it's almost expected that the guy has to have "the job", "the car", "the 401K", by the time he's 25, when that's just not realistic. Back then, people were fine marrying a guy and both GROWING together in their careers, in their family, etc. Now it's like, if he doesn't have a 6-figure job, he's considered a "loser". Yikes... It's just so superficial these days. People (imo) have lost the art of what is really important in relationships. It's not about how big your bank account is, or how big your bra-size is.... It's DEEPER than that.
But these days, the dating scene has become so discouraging. Plus, I feel like people aren't even thinking about marriage now. Especially men... It's not uncommon to see men in their 30's and 40's still bachelors, NEVER been married, etc. Then, you have women like myself (who are now in their 30's), STILL single, childless, and looking to find a man who is upstanding, respectable, looking for a serious relationship, and is a good guy. It's really crazy what the internet, technology and social media has done to socializing period. Now, people seem to be more addicted to their PHONES than anything else. Smh....It's really sad.
I can see this. What has made people not want the long term "leave it to Beaver lifestyle"?
That's sad. Can you try new places to meet people?
I have always lived in the same town. I tried meeting a guy from another area and having him move to me. It was one of the reasons we broke up, because he hated the area.
I also am a contradiction. I tend to only attract blue collar guys, felons and otherwise shady guys. Where I am the sort of snobby, honest type that was raised in a home with high salaries professional parents. I never went to college, do not have a career and not much hobbies.
Things just seemed simpler then. People also seemed to be less jaded about dating in general. People (men AND women) weren't so PICKY. Now days, I feel like people are kind of looking for perfection in the opposite sex. Now it's almost expected that the guy has to have "the job", "the car", "the 401K", by the time he's 25, when that's just not realistic. Back then, people were fine marrying a guy and both GROWING together in their careers, in their family, etc. Now it's like, if he doesn't have a 6-figure job, he's considered a "loser". Yikes... It's just so superficial these days. People (imo) have lost the art of what is really important in relationships. It's not about how big your bank account is, or how big your bra-size is.... It's DEEPER than that.
Yeah, I noticed the same thing. Which causes a perfectly justified pushback on the men's part: "OK, fair enough; but what are you bringing to the table?" If those things are just companionship and helping run the household---the basic minimum for a live-in partner, in my opinion---it doesn't feel enough compared to "the car, the job, and the 401K". So men get jaded.
Speaking of dating in the 90's, I'm sure everybody remembers the tired old phrase: "Hey baby, can I buy you a drink?" Or its variant: sending someone a drink. It was an approach tactic, good or bad, with its own protocols and unwritten rules. If the woman wasn't interested, she wasn't supposed to take the drink. Like with anything else, bad apples ruined things for everyone. (Read: people "leveraged" this custom to avoid spending their own money.) As a result, buying drinks largely died out by mid 2000's. I've bought drinks, but only after I spent at least half hour talking and dancing, not as an opening line. And she'd usually return the goodwill by buying a beer.
Oh, and the car requirement was equally hard and fast in the 90's too, if not exponentially more so. I was in high school back then, and didn't have a car. Maybe it was just the snootiness of my own school, but its unwritten rule for guys was: "If you don't have a car, don't even think about dating." My friends, who also didn't have cars, never dated, either. The stigma of taking a bus or walking was much stronger back then than it is today. As an adult, I've gone on dates where we took a bus together and thought nothing of it, especially considering that we got drinks. It was in the city, but still.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 07-21-2016 at 08:37 AM..
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Now, people seem to be more addicted to their PHONES than anything else. Smh....It's really sad.
Or its variant: sending someone a drink. It was an approach tactic, good or bad, with its own protocols and unwritten rules. If the woman wasn't interested, she wasn't supposed to take the drink. Like with anything else, bad apples ruined things for everyone. (Read: people "leveraged" this custom to avoid spending their own money.) As a result, buying drinks largely died out by mid 2000's. I've bought drinks, but only after I spent at least half hour talking and dancing, not as an opening line. And she'd usually return the goodwill by buying a beer.
