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These kinds of replies are never black and white as to his intent. He seems pretty honest. The only questionable thing i saw was the line about his "ex-wife's mistakes". Until he is able to see and take responsibility for his own contribution to the divorce, history may repeat itself!
I suggest you treat his reply as an honest one, and take that as a starting point about what kind of relationship with him you can live with and then think about writing an honest, easy to understand reply with no hidden meanings.
4 weeks ago I began talking to a man I was aware was recently divorced. I knew he only wanted to talk as friends for a while. 3 weeks in, he starts talking more and really being flirty, and our conversations started getting more serious. I got asked on a date by a different man. I am a very loyal person, and even tho we weren't a couple I seriously thought it was heading in that direction, so I turned down the offer. Our mutual friend told him I had been asked out, hoping it would make him decide to go ahead and date me. I was against that, but he, mutual friend, did it anyway. I didn't work, when I told him that I turned down the offer because "I couldn't be trying to get one guy to like me and go on a date with another, this is what he said. "Well I'm a little different in the head right now, but I by far enjoy talking to you and it is much needed. A relationship at this moment for me would be dangerous, I don't want to blame someone else for my ex wife mistakes. I don't miss her at all or want her back, so please don't think she is the reason for this. I'm just talking a little time for me and my girls to get adjusted to life. Bright side is it wont take long, and your the only person I have talked to, and I'm not looking for anyone else. Sorry I know that's not very clear, and I hope it doesn't hurt you, because that is not what i want to do at all. So after I replied assuring him I knew he only wanted friends first, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I hoped he'd eventually change his mind, and that I hoped I hadn't crossed an boundary by being flirty, this is what he sent back. "No, no, I enjoy the flirting. I want to take my time to get to know you before a real time relationship." I haven't heard from him since that night, Tuesday, but he was on vacation with his girls. Yes, most of our conversations before this were initiated by me, but some were also by him. I always waited until his reply to say anything else. All our talks were via instant messenger, I gave him my number but he didn't use it.
I'm just asking for some advice on what to do here. From either side, men or women. Thank you!
Give him the time he needs. He doesn't want a relationship now. It sounds like the timing just isn't right. I wouldn't avoid dating others for the moment and if things work out between you and someone else, then it wasn't met to be with you the recently divorced man (to avoid seeming pushy and/or desperate I wouldn't contact him for a while; hopefully he will drop you a line sometime, maybe in a few days or a week. If you haven't heard from in a few weeks, you can probably assume he won't be ready for a relationship for a while. If he does contact you months from now, see where you're at with him; maybe you'll have moved on by then).
It's not that I can't handle a slow friendship, I have been single for a long time, I just don't want to waste my time, either.
And with this one you would very much be wasting your time. He's told you in the nicest possible way that he is not interested in a relationship. He "thinks" it won't be long until he is interested in that, but his idea of a short time and yours may differ. I also think that the first relationship out of a marriage that included children won't last UNLESS it's been several years since the divorce. Maybe he thinks it will be 6 months or so, but I suspect it will take much longer.
Don't hold your breath waiting. You're kind of a semi-rebound, getting his toes wet with talking to a new woman sort of thing.
You ARE wasting your time and his because of this:
You WANT to date him, which is not the same as being friends. So you aren't really being a friend to him, and he is using you as a crutch to get through this time in his life.
He TOLD you he doesn't want to be involved with anyone. Tell him to check in with you when his divorce is final and he's back on his feet.
Then stop talking to him and don't turn down any more dates from legitimately single guys who ARE into dating you.
His divorce is final and has been a few months, and it wasn't me trying to convince him to date me, it was the mutual friend. I, as previously stated by someone else on here, have been in a situation with a divorced man before, but that situation was totally different, and hindsight is 20/20. Which is why I wouldn't try to rush this one, and I basically wanted peoples opinion on if it sounded like he had any interest in me at all. Unfortunately I couldn't edit my original post.
His divorce is final and has been a few months, and it wasn't me trying to convince him to date me, it was the mutual friend. I, as previously stated by someone else on here, have been in a situation with a divorced man before, but that situation was totally different, and hindsight is 20/20. Which is why I wouldn't try to rush this one, and I basically wanted peoples opinion on if it sounded like he had any interest in me at all. Unfortunately I couldn't edit my original post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1confusedgirl
"A relationship at this moment for me would be dangerous, I don't want to blame someone else for my ex wife mistakes..."
This ^^ is all that really matters ... his own words.
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