Marriage and Having Sex (people, free, like, alone)
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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DefiantNJ
Really? Any type of sex? If someone has masturbated or had oral sex than they are no longer a virgin? What about French kissing, cuddling and making out? Does that disqualify a person from being a virgin?
Exactly. Under most tradition definitions gold star lesbians would be virgins. Ridiculous, of course.
In fact, the term virgin was ONLY used for women in the 1400s, 1500s, etc. So to even pretend that the definition doesn't change is pure ignorance.
To the OP: If it's important to you, REALLY important, then wait. You'll find that person who shares your values and feels right. While I agree that "testing compatibility before marriage" is not only fun, but important, that's just me, and you clearly see different.
If you want encouragement, look at prior generations. I know so many people in their 60's and 70's who married their High School sweet heart some 50+ years ago. Many (not all, I'm sure) are still with the only partner they ever had. While those values don't appeal (and probably would not work for) to me, they may work for you, and they clearly worked for many others. My parents fall into that catagor, 53 years and counting....
Most important thing: Stick to YOUR values, and settle for nothing less. I don't agree with you, but you have 110% of my support and respect.
OP may or may not find someone who shares her/his values. There are no guarantees. If the OP is part of some religious community then probably finding a potential spouse would be easier. However, if not, then it would be a lot more difficult as few people in this day and age prefer to remain virgins until marriage, whatever this term implies, precisely.
And actually, in at least some very religious communities that do not allow sexual intercourse before marriage, men and women who go out together do usually have some physical contact. In Orthodox Jewish communities, from what I know, men and women spend time together, hold hands, hug and kiss, etc... Some do a bit of cuddling... Would that be acceptable to the OP?
Don't worry many people disagree with that virgin.
Pretty sure the OP is a He, indicated in prior posts. Sure virginity is a great thing to save for marriage, if that's important to you, nobody's business. If the plan is to get married. If one doesn't plan on getting married it's usually not something they struggle with thinking about.
Once OP leaves his parents house, gets a car and a job, has a few real life experiences it's likely he'll have other pressing matters at the forefront.
These days it may be very difficult to expect a guy you marry to bring the same chasteness to a marriage that you want for yourself. Would that eat at you wondering how you measure up to whoever he has been with in the past?
With all of the jokes about women always having a headache and not in the mood for sex a lot of guys would worry that you would not be any more receptive to sex after marriage if you aren't before marriage.
Here's what happens. A guy has dates. Even if he hasn't had sex, he enjoys the women, and the kissing is fun. Then he starts playing with other body parts, and that gets even more exciting and fun. Finally he has sex, and that's really fun. So he wants it again and again. Its not unlike some other things that are lots of fun, like a roller coaster ride. If you really enjoy it, once you get off, you're really to get in line and go again.
You have something of value when others have tossed it away.
Not true. I have value in my being sincere and a good person. I have integrity Just because you are a virgin does not make you a good, moral or even a nice person It is "usually" because of old fashioned religious beliefs…at least what I have seen. Those are outdated and when the men were too jealous and needed to be dominant over "their" women.
This is not in all cases but in many that I have seen
I am curious, OP. You are a young man in your sexual prime, presumably with a normal sex drive... Why are you asking about what other guys do and feel? All that matters is what you are feeling.
Do YOU find it hard to wait? If you are not feeling the difficulty of being a virgin now, you probably never will.
I was brought up with old fashion morals and values and told that you should wait until marriage to have sexual intercourse. So i am sticking to that until it happens, but it seems like I am just going to be alone forever.
I find this a little cryptic. Are you trying to say you were raised as an evangelical Christian, and continue to practice as one? Or a member of another religion or faith with similar teachings and beliefs in regard to sex before marriage and how they feel it ties to morality?
Since, really, outside of that, I cannot think of why someone would equate the inclusion or absence of consensual sex with another adult, whether married or not, as an issue of morality at all.
Anyway, if you are a believer of some faith which you are active and participate in, then I would think you should be able to easily find and surround yourself with people of similar belief, faith, and virginity.
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