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What's with all this "he is destroying the family and is very weak and selfish" crap? If the same post were made by a woman people would be saying "Oh so sorry you married such a horrible guy, divorce his butt and get what you can (ie alimony, child support, assets etc.).
What's with all this "he is destroying the family and is very weak and selfish" crap? If the same post were made by a woman people would be saying "Oh so sorry you married such a horrible guy, divorce his butt and get what you can (ie alimony, child support, assets etc.).
Is this just your default argument here on CD?
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Originally Posted by Garchompa
No real opinion on the dress but I do find it hilarious that we have women here saying things that if a man said to a woman he would be crucified LMAO!!
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Originally Posted by Garchompa
But a man could do something similar while having some other kind of mental disorder or depression or whatever and still be pretty much burned at the stake.
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Originally Posted by Garchompa
This topic is very hypocritical, if it were the other way around women would be saying "Oh, she has her reasons, you just need to be understanding" and "What does it matter? You have lived together without being married as long as it is" etc. etc.
What's with all this "he is destroying the family and is very weak and selfish" crap? If the same post were made by a woman people would be saying "Oh so sorry you married such a horrible guy, divorce his butt and get what you can (ie alimony, child support, assets etc.).
As a lady, I agree with your summation. Double standards .
The OP simply has lost the desire .
So maybe the best way too rekindle it(with effort) is to regroup and start dating the wife. See her in a new light. Change the attitude, and things turn around.
Well, there is quite a bit of hypocrisy here. No matter how much the woman is at fault the guy's a stupid loser for getting with her in the first place, dealing with it, etc. etc. but if a woman posts about how her husband is being a jerk or a bad person they certainly don't get told how they were just stupid for marrying the guy in the first place, tell her to grow a back bone, etc. etc.
As a lady, I agree with your summation. Double standards .
The OP simply has lost the desire .
So maybe the best way too rekindle it(with effort) is to regroup and start dating the wife. See her in a new light. Change the attitude, and things turn around.
LOL There is nothing simple about the OP's situation.
Also, double standard? You obviously haven't noticed these threads since you've been here:
Well, there is quite a bit of hypocrisy here. No matter how much the woman is at fault the guy's a stupid loser for getting with her in the first place, dealing with it, etc. etc. but if a woman posts about how her husband is being a jerk or a bad person they certainly don't get told how they were just stupid for marrying the guy in the first place, tell her to grow a back bone, etc. etc.
Stop. I've already disproven this with the previous post. It's apparently just your favorite issue to look for.
You're new here and are simply wrong about this, besides the fact that you're hijacking the thread.
This is going to be long so if you don't have the stomach for it, please don't go any further.
I'm 46. My wife is almost 34. We have two children 2 1/2 and 15 months. I've been unhappy for a long time. My wife is just innately not a person I like as a partner.
She is a great mother. I would give her a 9.5 out of 10 as a mother. But as a person/partner for me I would give her a 3. I'm not saying she is a bad person, she doesn't abuse me, cheat( as far as I know) on me, etc. she just possesses qualities in her that are deal breakers for me.
We've been together for 13 years married for almost 10. Why did I marry her? I admit my fault. I thought she was young and she would change. I take full responsibility for me marrying her.
We don't fight much maybe 1-2 month but when we do fight, for me, it's like ww3. She's just not the person for me and some of her character, I totally despise. I think we I stayed for so long because like I said, we don't fight much but when we do, I see characteristics in her that is a complete deal breaker for me.
I've tried to leave her before but she would not accept it and say I'm just mad.
...
I'm thinking they are really young now. I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for their sake but now thinking about it, another almost 18 years of this?
I'm thinking they are so young, it wouldn't affect them at all if I did it now.
I will always be in my boys life no matter what. I will always support them.
Am I being selfish to want to leave?
Please be as blunt as you want.
People don't understand...marriage is not a relationship and not meant to deliver romance film giddy joy experience. Marriage is a family bond.. Your wife/spouse is your family and you have the same responsibility you have as with any close family member, say kids. She's not a good mother for herself, but you and your offspring and that counts a lot, even if they're grown up.
You are disrespectful to the utmost. Staying married and working it out is taking responsibility, especially as she seems to care. Society does turn a blind eye to this, because of people who do this themselves and come up with 'valid' excuses for it. You really should've thought earlier about alleged deal-breakers. If they were truly such, you couldn't have possibly been with her at all. You don't know what a deal-breaker is then, trust me >.> She must have had some desirable qualities right there already, that she retained.
Marriage and family have are a bad joke to many, this is why I plan on never getting married, except in case of emergency for citizenship or something.... Spouse is in fact nothing and no one, even minors who give us nothing anyway (aka children).
Passion and affection towards her, sorry, I can't fake that. We'll see how that goes.
Please tell us three things about her that you do like. We know you that you feel that she's a great mother so that can be #1. Now what's 2 more? More if you like but start with that.
Also, I've had another thought--is it possible that you became turned off to her after she had the kids? It happens sometimes and I wonder b/c it sounds like the real trouble in your marriage began with them since you were together for awhile before you had them and she had two of those altercations many years ago.
I know you're looking for someone to tell you it's ok to leave, and it is, but just know that your relationship to those kids will never be the same so it would be worth learning to suck it up and stay if you can bring yourself to do it. You could even learn to do this happily but it will take a huge dose of appreciation and gratitude for what you do have.
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