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If you think by divorcing your wife you will somehow still be "dad" to your kids,you couldn't be more wrong. Those kids will eventually call someone else dad. How's that going to make you feel?
Listen,you've got something millions would kill to have: a wife and kids,a real family. There is no issue that cannot be worked out if you BOTH will commit to it. As a married man with huge responsibilities, you don't get to quit and neither does your wife.
In my opinion,divorce is the epitome of selfishness. And yes....I do know what I'm talking about. Stay with it, your family is worth it.
Think about this. There are always 2 sides to a story. What if your wife is also unhappy with you for a different reason?
Having gone thru counselling for my own marriage/divorce/marriage:
1. Y’all really need to start communicating everyday on good and bad things (but be constructive)
2. There has been times where I am not attractive to my wife for various reasons; there has been times she has not been attractive to me also. This is normal. Marriage is not a fairy tale all the times and it should not be.
3. No marriage is perfect; it needs to be work at.
4. All of us grows or retract at times but we always need some help at some of the times
5. Help her work on her weakness; of course you have to realize your weakness also
6. Worst case y’all get divorce and you find your future mate but later find some other flaws in that person (then what?)
7. Sounds like y’all have not really communicated in a lon¬g time. Take a step back and throw away the pride and anger. Try to not take each other for granted and step outside your own shoes.
This is going to be long so if you don't have the stomach for it, please don't go any further.
I'm 46. My wife is almost 34. We have two children 2 1/2 and 15 months. I've been unhappy for a long time. My wife is just innately not a person I like as a partner.
She is a great mother. I would give her a 9.5 out of 10 as a mother. But as a person/partner for me I would give her a 3. I'm not saying she is a bad person, she doesn't abuse me, cheat( as far as I know) on me, etc. she just possesses qualities in her that are deal breakers for me.
We've been together for 13 years married for almost 10. Why did I marry her? I admit my fault. I thought she was young and she would change. I take full responsibility for me marrying her.
We don't fight much maybe 1-2 month but when we do fight, for me, it's like ww3. She's just not the person for me and some of her character, I totally despise. I think we I stayed for so long because like I said, we don't fight much but when we do, I see characteristics in her that is a complete deal breaker for me.
I've tried to leave her before but she would not accept it and say I'm just mad.
I'm weak I'm the sense that if she doesn't let me go, I don't go cause I don't want to hurt her really.
A few months ago, she did something that was the final straw for me. I told her I was done with but I would stay for the sake of the kids. My boys are my life. Since then, we've fought a few times. The last time, I didn't like seeing my boys frightened face when we fight so I told her I'm leaving. She said if I wanted to be a coward and not try to work it out, then fine, leave but then I'll have to tell everyone. Again, I'm weak. Today, we had it out again and this time I told her to pack up and go live with her parents with the boys. I would never take the boys away from their mother. She said if I want to leave, then I should pack up. I did. I just hate seeing my frightened boys face when we fight.
I'm thinking they are really young now. I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for their sake but now thinking about it, another almost 18 years of this?
I'm thinking they are so young, it wouldn't affect them at all if I did it now.
I will always be in my boys life no matter what. I will always support them.
Am I being selfish to want to leave?
Please be as blunt as you want.
my parents fought like cats and dogs, but stayed together for the kids, and you know what? i think about them staying together for me and my siblings every day, i would have been utterly destroyed if i lost what we had, even though it wasn't all that great. if you put the kids first, maybe you stay together, or, maybe the kids are still too young to even understand divorce and where's daddy and where's mommy, but its getting pretty close to that moment.
i don't have much tolerance for people who have kids and THEN get divorced or break up, to me, that's pretty selfish to bring kids into the world and then for selfish reasons get divorced and put the burden on the kid to grow up with parents who put themselves in a position to fail.
why not take responsibility and stay together just for the kids, does it always have to be about you? you made your bed and made your choice, why do you get to 'start over'?
If you think by divorcing your wife you will somehow still be "dad" to your kids,you couldn't be more wrong. Those kids will eventually call someone else dad. How's that going to make you feel?
Listen,you've got something millions would kill to have: a wife and kids,a real family. There is no issue that cannot be worked out if you BOTH will commit to it. As a married man with huge responsibilities, you don't get to quit and neither does your wife.
In my opinion,divorce is the epitome of selfishness. And yes....I do know what I'm talking about. Stay with it, your family is worth it.
While I don't disagree, sometimes, divorce is truly the ONLY option assuming both parties have tried everything.
For you to say it's selfish is completely presumptuous. imo.
why not take responsibility and stay together just for the kids, does it always have to be about you? you made your bed and made your choice, why do you get to 'start over'?
Lol, is this a joke? Staying together just because of the kids is a TERRIBLE decision, at least in my eyes.
And btw, don't think the kids won't notice an unhappy marriage.
My parents divorced when I was 12. I had spent years hearing t hem fight at night when I was in bed. I knew they were unhappy. My dad stuck it out until I was 12, but then he had enough and they got divorced. It didn't traumatize me because he was still around and still a decent dad. My parents did it right.
My in laws have been married 30 years. They have an awful relationship full of debt, foreclosure, substance abuse, arrests and even domestic violence where my fil punches my mil in her face. They don't believe in divorce, so my mil continues to take the beatings out of "love". Divorce is sometimes the answer, regardless of who all is affected.
This is going to be long so if you don't have the stomach for it, please don't go any further.
I'm 46. My wife is almost 34. We have two children 2 1/2 and 15 months. I've been unhappy for a long time. My wife is just innately not a person I like as a partner.
She is a great mother. I would give her a 9.5 out of 10 as a mother. But as a person/partner for me I would give her a 3. I'm not saying she is a bad person, she doesn't abuse me, cheat( as far as I know) on me, etc. she just possesses qualities in her that are deal breakers for me.
We've been together for 13 years married for almost 10. Why did I marry her? I admit my fault. I thought she was young and she would change. I take full responsibility for me marrying her.
We don't fight much maybe 1-2 month but when we do fight, for me, it's like ww3. She's just not the person for me and some of her character, I totally despise. I think we I stayed for so long because like I said, we don't fight much but when we do, I see characteristics in her that is a complete deal breaker for me.
I've tried to leave her before but she would not accept it and say I'm just mad.
I'm weak I'm the sense that if she doesn't let me go, I don't go cause I don't want to hurt her really.
A few months ago, she did something that was the final straw for me. I told her I was done with but I would stay for the sake of the kids. My boys are my life. Since then, we've fought a few times. The last time, I didn't like seeing my boys frightened face when we fight so I told her I'm leaving. She said if I wanted to be a coward and not try to work it out, then fine, leave but then I'll have to tell everyone. Again, I'm weak. Today, we had it out again and this time I told her to pack up and go live with her parents with the boys. I would never take the boys away from their mother. She said if I want to leave, then I should pack up. I did. I just hate seeing my frightened boys face when we fight.
I'm thinking they are really young now. I was willing to sacrifice my own happiness for their sake but now thinking about it, another almost 18 years of this?
I'm thinking they are so young, it wouldn't affect them at all if I did it now.
I will always be in my boys life no matter what. I will always support them.
Am I being selfish to want to leave?
Please be as blunt as you want.
Find a marriage counselor and get some much needed help NOW! If you're thinking you won't have arguements with your wife after divorce you're sadly mistaken.
There is no good age for your children to go through a divorce. Sounds like you loved her enough to have two children so there must be some reason you've been together this long.
Find a marriage counselor and get some much needed help NOW! If you're thinking you won't have arguements with your wife after divorce you're sadly mistaken.
There is no good age for your children to go through a divorce. Sounds like you loved her enough to have two children so there must be some reason you've been together this long.
This.
See a marriage counselor and figure out if this marriage can be saved.
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When in doubt, check it out: FAQ
and if she's as good a mother as you say she'll coparent well with you,put the kids first etc.
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