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I think in THEORY, yes, men don't mind women asking them out or making the first move/initiation. Buttttt....based on my personal experience, anytime I initiated things, or asked a guy out, it never ended up going anywhere. A lot of times the guys would seem slightly interested (the ones who didn't give me the cold shoulder right off the bat), but eventually I ended up having to do most the work, or they would just be "lukewarm" about their interest in me. It just never resulted in a serious long-term relationship for ME. I always wondered if the guy was actually interested in me, or just "flattered" (flattery doesn't = INTEREST) that I was giving him attention.
So, now days I let the guys pursue. I figure if they are interested enough, they will give me SOME type of sign.
I think SOME women can get away with asking guys out and it turn out perfectly fine for them, but I don't think I'm that type of woman. I think things are much smoother when the guy makes the move. Honestly, as much as they may hate it, most men instinctively know to go after what they want anyway, so if they aren't doing something to let you know they are interested/attracted, the sad fact may just be that they aren't interested, or are taken, or might be gay.
Sad state to realize, but once I realized that, it made things a lot smoother.
Yeah I did. I didn't want scare him off.Plus get to know each other as the present person we are, not highschool/college student.
Good move. I really don't think it's as terrifying to ask a guy out if you go about it that way, but when one is too flirty/sexy when doing so, the guy might be agreeable because they're thinking "oh sure, she wants to get laid, what the hell, I'm game." Usually confirm-able within the first hour or so of meeting up with them... IME only.
So, you think the basic laws of human nature should do a complete reversal just to accomodate you bc of a stupid decision you made at work like 10yrs ago?! . . . . Sounds like a personal problem to me.
You can call it however you like. I'm just sharing some of my experiences with women.
Good move. I really don't think it's as terrifying to ask a guy out if you go about it that way, but when one is too flirty/sexy when doing so, the guy might be agreeable because they're thinking "oh sure, she wants to get laid, what the hell, I'm game." Usually confirm-able within the first hour or so of meeting up with them... IME only.
I only joked around with him.Nothing sexual.We talked about his nature pics.
Good move. I really don't think it's as terrifying to ask a guy out if you go about it that way, but when one is too flirty/sexy when doing so, the guy might be agreeable because they're thinking "oh sure, she wants to get laid, what the hell, I'm game." Usually confirm-able within the first hour or so of meeting up with them... IME only.
Yes, there is some truth to this. I am only into casual sex, ONS's, etc. And, when a woman comes onto me I will make it 100% clear - up front - that this is what I'm looking for and that's it. Some women are cool with this, and many aren't. This is why it's good to get this clarified early on, so there are no misconceptions.
That all being said, I'm sure there are guys out there who would be open to something more than just a casual fling if a woman they were into pursued them.
Last edited by The Big Lebowski Dude; 07-26-2016 at 09:19 PM..
Actually I've done this quite a bit in my lifetime lol. More than once, trust me lol. In fact, with several guys I even tried MORE than once. TRUST me, I gave PLENTY of hints and signs and asking out, invitations (tickets to baseball games, movies, dinner, a black tie formal where he could be my "date", invites over my house, parties thrown over my house, etc.), so believe me, I definitely gave him SIGNS. Oh they would go to all these things that I invited them to alright, and we would even have a great time, but it just seemed like things never really progressed (sign #1 that a guy isn't really that interested).
I have even initiated "conversations" to sort of gauge his interest and share some things about myself....believe me, a guy who was INTERESTED would have gotten the "hint" and done something by now lol.
Most of these guys were guys I knew fairly well anyway, so if they WANTED to make a move they certainly could have since we saw each other practically every week. Don't get me wrong, he would invite me out too, and would flirt and whatnot....but in the end, it never ended up being a relationship. In fact, he started playing games and ended up treating me really bad in the end.
In fact, I always got the impression (when I was doing these things) that even though I was getting what I wanted (spending time with him/them), I always felt as though it was not my role to play. I didn't feel "right" in that role. It just felt awkward. I'm assuming, it must have felt pretty awkward for the guy as well, hence why they eventually lost interest. The roles seemed reversed somehow.
A lot of the guys I would "initiate" things with seemed flattered AT FIRST...some even sort of reciprocated a little bit, but I NEVER got the impression that they were truly interested in me. In fact, they usually ended up ghosting me, or stopped contacting and would usually end up pursuing (and MARRYING) the woman THEY went after themselves.
So, I stopped trying to "make things happen". These experiences taught me a lot of lessons.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat15
For me, flattery creates interest. Assuming she is reasonably attractive.
EXACTLY!!!! But how would a woman know if you found her attractive unless you made a move?? Because if it were a woman you weren't attracted to, you might either reject her flat out, or you would kill time with her for the time being until something "better" came along..... But it wouldn't be what you actually wanted.
Women on the other hand are different. Even if a guy isn't what they would deem as "attractive" from the outset, a lot of times a guy BECOMES more attractive simply for the very fact that he's willing to take that risk and ask her out, initiate something, etc. It makes the guy appear more confident, and confidence is very attractive in a man because it's a masculine trait to take risks, to not be fearful, etc.
I don't think guys realize how much just the very ACT of showing a woman you're interested already puts you 10 steps AHEAD of all of the other guys who are just standing by the wall simply staring at her from afar lol.
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx
It sounds like you out asked him out as a friend and not romantic interest. Was that your intention?
Oh trust me, these guys knew I was romantically interested. In fact, one guy actually apologized for giving me the false impression that he viewed me as "special". Talk about an ego crusher!
Thank you! I'm glad someone knows what I'm talking about. We're not making this up.
Look, I'm not denying that SOME women can initiate things with SOME men and have it go perfectly fine for them. I'm not denying that at all! I think it DOES work for some women. But for a lot of men, I've heard that they don't mind if a woman asks them out, but when it actually does happen, they act spooked lol. They may be flattered, but it doesn't create within them the right dynamic in the long run for a real serious relationship.
Now of course there may be some exceptions....sometimes some guys are SO shy and socially awkward that the only way they're even going to get a gf is if the girl pursues. But most guys are not really THAT "shy", and even if they are...I have plenty of "shy guys" in the past who got over their shyness and got my number (even if through a friend) and did whatever it took to let me know they were interested. So even the "shy guy" excuse doesn't really fly with me these days lol.
Idk...I would do it more often if it really WORKED for me (ie. got me a relationship), but since all it got me was heartbreak, anxiety (is he actually interested???), and worse, GAME-playing/lukewarm interest, I've decided that I'll just be friendly, flirty, and OPEN and receptive, but I'll leave the initiating to the guys.
In fact, I went out to dinner with a bunch of friends, and a guy was recounting a story about a girl he had met who had been forward and asked HIM for HIS number lol.... ALL of the guys at the table started laughing and said how the forwardness was a turn-off. Needless to say, the guy was telling us how he wasn't interested in the girl, but he gave her his number anyway lol..... Soooo.....it just gave me a little inside-peek into how some guys view women who take the initiative in that way.
Idk...I just have found that guys still like to make the majority of the moves. They don't have to do ALL the work (of course), but for the first date? I think it's probably best if the guy initiates. I've had better success at serious relationships that way.
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A lot of times the guys would seem slightly interested (the ones who didn't give me the cold shoulder right off the bat), but eventually I ended up having to do most the work, or they would just be "lukewarm" about their interest in me. It just never resulted in a serious long-term relationship for ME. I always wondered if the guy was actually interested in me, or just "flattered" (flattery doesn't = INTEREST) that I was giving him attention. 
Talk about an ego crusher! 
