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Even if a guy isn't what they would deem as "attractive" from the outset, a lot of times a guy BECOMES more attractive simply for the very fact that he's willing to take that risk and ask her out, initiate something, etc.
I don't think guys realize how much just the very ACT of showing a woman you're interested already puts you 10 steps AHEAD of all of the other guys who are just standing by the wall simply staring at her from afar lol.
Um...this is exactly the point I was trying to make (about women). Would you say physical appearance is not important at all?
Actually I've done this quite a bit in my lifetime lol. More than once, trust me lol. In fact, with several guys I even tried MORE than once. TRUST me, I gave PLENTY of hints and signs and asking out, invitations (tickets to baseball games, movies, dinner, a black tie formal where he could be my "date", invites over my house, parties thrown over my house, etc.), so believe me, I definitely gave him SIGNS. Oh they would go to all these things that I invited them to alright, and we would even have a great time, but it just seemed like things never really progressed (sign #1 that a guy isn't really that interested).
I have even initiated "conversations" to sort of gauge his interest and share some things about myself....believe me, a guy who was INTERESTED would have gotten the "hint" and done something by now lol.
Most of these guys were guys I knew fairly well anyway, so if they WANTED to make a move they certainly could have since we saw each other practically every week. Don't get me wrong, he would invite me out too, and would flirt and whatnot....but in the end, it never ended up being a relationship. In fact, he started playing games and ended up treating me really bad in the end.
In fact, I always got the impression (when I was doing these things) that even though I was getting what I wanted (spending time with him/them), I always felt as though it was not my role to play. I didn't feel "right" in that role. It just felt awkward. I'm assuming, it must have felt pretty awkward for the guy as well, hence why they eventually lost interest. The roles seemed reversed somehow.
A lot of the guys I would "initiate" things with seemed flattered AT FIRST...some even sort of reciprocated a little bit, but I NEVER got the impression that they were truly interested in me. In fact, they usually ended up ghosting me, or stopped contacting and would usually end up pursuing (and MARRYING) the woman THEY went after themselves.
So, I stopped trying to "make things happen". These experiences taught me a lot of lessons.
EXACTLY!!!! But how would a woman know if you found her attractive unless you made a move?? Because if it were a woman you weren't attracted to, you might either reject her flat out, or you would kill time with her for the time being until something "better" came along..... But it wouldn't be what you actually wanted.
Women on the other hand are different. Even if a guy isn't what they would deem as "attractive" from the outset, a lot of times a guy BECOMES more attractive simply for the very fact that he's willing to take that risk and ask her out, initiate something, etc. It makes the guy appear more confident, and confidence is very attractive in a man because it's a masculine trait to take risks, to not be fearful, etc.
I don't think guys realize how much just the very ACT of showing a woman you're interested already puts you 10 steps AHEAD of all of the other guys who are just standing by the wall simply staring at her from afar lol.
Oh trust me, these guys knew I was romantically interested. In fact, one guy actually apologized for giving me the false impression that he viewed me as "special". Talk about an ego crusher!
So yeah....no more.....
You do not speak for all women. For some women it doesn't matter if the man shows interest if she found him unattractive before she will still find him unattractive after he shows interest.
You do not speak for all women. For some women it doesn't matter if the man shows interest if she found him unattractive before she will still find him unattractive after he shows interest.
I think many women deep down feels the way she does. Most aren't going to ask a man out which is ok by me.
Um...this is exactly the point I was trying to make (about women). Would you say physical appearance is not important at all?
I probably didn't read your posts. I only read page one and the last few pages before I put in my own input. So I'm not sure what you've been mentioning earlier on. Maybe I missed it.
Anyway, of course physical appearance is going to be important on SOME level for most people. That's just a given. What I'm saying is that physical attractiveness is not AS important for some women as it is for most men. I think men sometimes don't realize that. Not saying (of course) that men ONLY go for women they deem "hot"...but in general, physical attractiveness is usually more of a factor of why a man goes after a woman, whereas for most women physical attractiveness is nice, yes, but it's not the ONLY main contributor to why a woman finds a man appealing to her. It's a little lower on the totem pole in other words. Of course, there's always exceptions to every "rule".
I know for me personally, a guy may not be my typical "type", but if he's confident, funny, treats me well, initiates things, makes plans, we have great conversation, and we "click", a lot of times I can end up falling for the guy. I can't tell you how many times I've met guys who I felt at first were "meh", but after getting to know them I felt SUPER attracted to them and were romantically interested. It was their personality that did it for me. Funny enough, their looks became more attractive as well.
Whereas, I'm not too sure the same thing happens in the reverse for guys. A woman can be super nice and sweet, and even fun, but if the guy isn't attracted to her on a physical level, it's more than likely NEVER gonna happen....no matter how "great" the girl is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ro2113
You do not speak for all women. For some women it doesn't matter if the man shows interest if she found him unattractive before she will still find him unattractive after he shows interest.
Well of course I don't speak for all women. And I wasn't trying to. I'm speaking in generalities here.
I'm just curious if a guy I'm interested in would be flattered or think I'm a crazy.
I went to highschool and college with him and noticed on fb he is still single.
I recently went out with a guy friend at the casino's and everyone thought we were a couple. It boost my confidence that I still got it.
Guys would you think horrible things or think wow she's bold I like some one who is assertive?
My Answer is No; However, IMO it really throws you off
now you have to think... do you like her.... if not it'll be awkward going forward especially if friends
I refuse to approach a guy. Like you have to be old school Brad Pitt fine for that, and even then I won't.
It's too forward and reeks of low self-esteem. It's okay to say something like a compliment or a greeting, but full on asking a guy out...
As much as people like to claim how far we've come as a society, one thing that still stands true is that guys will go after what they really want.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,742,544 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mielinacea
I refuse to approach a guy. Like you have to be old school Brad Pitt fine for that, and even then I won't.
It's too forward and reeks of low self-esteem. It's okay to say something like a compliment or a greeting, but full on asking a guy out...
As much as people like to claim how far we've come as a society, one thing that still stands true is that guys will go after what they really want.
Ain't no one disputing guys will go after what they want. I personally think it would be in their best interests for women to do the same. If you don't want to lay awake at night wondering what could have happened if you went for it that is.
Also, I don't believe for a second that Raena has low self-esteem.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Ain't no one disputing guys will go after what they want. I personally think it would be in their best interests for women to do the same. If you don't want to lay awake at night wondering what could have happened if you went for it that is.
Also, I don't believe for a second that Raena has low self-esteem.
Me either. I think that type of action indicates high self esteem and confidence. Not low self esteem.
My Answer is No; However, IMO it really throws you off
now you have to think... do you like her.... if not it'll be awkward going forward especially if friends
^^EXACTLY!!!!!
I've experienced the whole "guy acting awkward" thing because he thinks I like him and he's not interested, or doesn't know how to react.
See, sometimes guys are just wanting to be friends, and more often than not, I find if they like you, you will eventually know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mielinacea
I refuse to approach a guy. Like you have to be old school Brad Pitt fine for that, and even then I won't.
It's too forward and reeks of low self-esteem. It's okay to say something like a compliment or a greeting, but full on asking a guy out... As much as people like to claim how far we've come as a society, one thing that still stands true is that guys will go after what they really want.
THANK you.
This has been my experience as well. Guys go after what they really want.
If I'm being friendly, open, keeping the conversation going, flirty, and seem genuinely interested in you, why wouldn't a guy be confident enough to make a move? Especially if it's already established that I'm single, he's single, etc.... come on.... there's no reason why a guy wouldn't make a move...UNLESS...he's not really all that interested.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
Ain't no one disputing guys will go after what they want. I personally think it would be in their best interests for women to do the same. If you don't want to lay awake at night wondering what could have happened if you went for it that is.
Also, I don't believe for a second that Raena has low self-esteem.
Well of course I think if a woman is interested in a man, she should drop hints and not just sit there like a bump on a log. But asking out, planning a first date, or asking for a man's number unsolicited?? Idk.... It just hasn't worked well for ME in the past. But if a woman is fine with doing that then hey, go for it!!! My guess though is that most women would have MUCH rather the man ask her.
I can't speak for all women, but doing the initiating puts me too much in a "masculine mode", and I don't feel particularly feminine when in this energy. I already have enough of that at work. But when in a romantic relationship, I want to feel like the woman and the man to feel like the man. I'm assuming men want the same thing (to feel like the man).
I am flattered when a girl ask me out or makes a move to talk to me and shows she is very interested in me in a clear and obvious way.
Last edited by NekoLogic; 07-27-2016 at 12:04 PM..
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Talk about an ego crusher! 
