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I just don't want to hurt either of them. If I'm honest that will cause more pain for both. After this trip with girl A our relationship will likely fade away due to the distance.
So lying to them is going to spare their feelings and prolong their pain for the moment, while you have your fun is better. Right. Sorry not buying it. Your motives are not as virtuous as you think.
I just don't want to hurt either of them. If I'm honest that will cause more pain for both. After this trip with girl A our relationship will likely fade away due to the distance.
Soooooo.....just want one last poke ...technically you haven't committed to your "hot and heavy" so you're in the clear.
It's similar to the difference between doing something "illegal" versus "unethical". So it depends on your character and how fine you want to draw the line.
My guess is your hot and heavy girl is way more committed than you'll EVER be but she's your next (unknowing) FWB and you don't want to mess that up since your long-distance thing is gonna end ...after this final poke. If you thought there was a decent chance at committing to hot and heavy you'd cancel the trip but I guess a bird in the hand, right?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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He isn't lying, he isn't cheating. He has no exclusivity going on. Good grief.
But no, he isn't being virtuous either. This is one of those places where the golden rule should be coming into play. If you were "guy A" how would you want to be treated?
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
It sure sounds like he's conveniently leaving some information out that would change things if these gals knew.
In my book, lying by omission is still lying.
He can only be leaving out (omitting) information if he is asked for information. If he is asked, and he lies or omits information to deceive, yes, that is being deceptive and clearly scumbag area.
And we don't know if it would change things. It quite possibly would not. I've definitely been in situations like this and told all when when asked and it didn't change a thing.
He can only be leaving out (omitting) information if he is asked for information. If he is asked, and he lies or omits information to deceive, yes, that is being deceptive and clearly scumbag area.
And we don't know if it would change things. It quite possibly would not. I've definitely been in situations like this and told all when when asked and it didn't change a thing.
Obviously, we have different takes on what constitutes deception.
If it were me, I'd certainly want to know- and yes, it absolutely would change things.
Here's the thing. He's not even giving these gals the opportunity to say yes or no- and that's where it absolutely goes into the "deceit" realm for me.
It's posts like these that remind me how very glad I am that I am not in the dating world anymore.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mishigas73
Here's the thing. He's not even giving these gals the opportunity to say yes or no- and that's where it absolutely goes into the "deceit" realm for me.
How is he not? Have either of them asked about exclusivity? Or expressed the desire for exclusivity?
They have all the opportunity to do so.
This isn't a modern thing, this was the situation when I was dating in the late 80s and 90s as well. Exclusivity was never assumed, it was always explicitly discussed, or it did not exist.
Generally though I think the golden rule is a good one to live by, in most of life, not just in relationships. But I also don't wait around guessing and assuming, I ask and express my desires for what I want.
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...technically you haven't committed to your "hot and heavy" so you're in the clear. 
