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Racking my brain to see what would compell him to keep feeding into things if this is really how he felt and am left puzzled. Why not have just been upfront and honest rather than drawing it out and making me put the clues together?
Why???
He gets the benefit of being in a relationship with the knowledge that he could walk away tomorrow with virtually no penalty.
Well, that's a very broad spectrum. But the standard we tend to use here is that if he's truly into you whole hog, he'd let nothing stop him from sewing you up in a marriage contract, so there would be no chance you might find a better thing someday and jus6t walk away. He'd be willing to swim through shark-infested waters for you, that's the standard. If he's really into you, he wouldn't allow the risk that you might get away. As it is now, it seems like he's taking you for granted.
Okay I can understand what you mean now. Basically I am replaceable to him. He'd be sad to see me go and miss what we had but it wouldnt shatter his world. He'd never fight for me the way I have for him and go above and beyond himself to keep me around. He's still unsure about me/us and if I fit in with his life picture. it makes a lot more sense the way you just explained it... thank you.... I'm still disappointed that he's led me to believe he did want the same things as me from the beginning. I'm not sure what benefits he got from all this , besides he just wanted a girl to spend time with
He gets the benefit of being in a relationship with the knowledge that he could walk away tomorrow with virtually no penalty.
Ok....it's starting to make more sense now...
He basically doesn't take me or this relationship seriously at all. Like to him I'm not even a full person.
I'm trying to imagine now how little I would have to value a friend to feel like I could walk away tomorrow and there be no penalty. I might feel bad about it later but I would never feel like I owed them anything because in my mind the relationship wasn't that important to me wow..... this is eye opening
Don't know if I agree with that statement. I would take that to mean that he knows she will likely leaves if he says he never wants to get married.
He has to give her some hope to string her along.
At this point I am just getting tired. I could tell he was bulls**thing me at a certain point. I called him out on it and I thought we were equals and I had his respect.
Sadly I actually fell in love with who he is because he's a good person. But I guess both ppl have to want it.
Ok....it's starting to make more sense now...
He basically doesn't take me or this relationship seriously at all. Like to him I'm not even a full person.
I'm trying to imagine now how little I would have to value a friend to feel like I could walk away tomorrow and there be no penalty. I might feel bad about it later but I would never feel like I owed them anything because in my mind the relationship wasn't that important to me wow..... this is eye opening
More than likely, he is not ready for marriage and doesn't know when, or even if, he will be. He probably doesn't like talking about it because it threatens him with the fact that you MAY leave him.
I doubt he thinks the relationship is not important or that he doesn't value you.
He just feels (and rightly so in some respects) threatened by the idea of marriage, especially in the near future.
At this point I am just getting tired. I could tell he was bulls**thing me at a certain point. I called him out on it and I thought we were equals and I had his respect.
Sadly I actually fell in love with who he is because he's a good person. But I guess both ppl have to want it.
Well, he's not as good a person as you think, if your needs play second-fiddle. How could he do that to a supposed loved one?
And this doesn't mean that he'd shrug if you said you were leaving, and would just say, "Oh well. It was good while it lasted." There might be a scene. Don't fall for it, though. Stay firm. Don't even argue--don't get hooked into that. Just say the two of you aren't on the same page with some key issues, so you're leaving to find someone who will be on your page. End of discussion.
I don't really think that anymore. I think it's better to have separated parents who care about each other rather than married parents who are miserable
That wasn't what I meant with my question. How do you feel about having children with someone to whom you are not married?
Just say the two of you aren't on the same page with some key issues, so you're leaving to find someone who will be on your page. End of discussion.
I agree completely.
You want different things. If you chose not to recognize that and stayed because you HOPED he would want what you want, that is not exactly his fault.
To many people waste their lives in relationships with partners without acknowledging that who they are right now is who they are, not who they HOPE they might become in the future.
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it makes a lot more sense the way you just explained it... thank you.... I'm still disappointed that he's led me to believe he did want the same things as me from the beginning. I'm not sure what benefits he got from all this , besides he just wanted a girl to spend time with
wow..... this is eye opening
