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My worry is, she doesn't really have an incentive to stop what she is doing. If she was really considering her marriage before, she would not have let the texting get as far as it did.
For you to tell her to stop and her not appearing to understand how big of an issue it is for your relationship only tells me that she is going to find another avenue to satisfy her need for this kind of attention.
There is a bigger issue in play than just her sexting with your BIL.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts. All I can say is that I have asked my wife to stop the private messages. She has said she will. I have not asked, looked at or mentioned the issue to her since our last visit back home.
If trust cannot be restored then why am I here? Why did I marry her? If she chooses to continue then I will need to determine what I want to do. She would have chosen something other then "us". I will do what needs to be done if she continues. As for now.... I have chosen "us".
Thank you everyone for your thoughts. All I can say is that I have asked my wife to stop the private messages. She has said she will. I have not asked, looked at or mentioned the issue to her since our last visit back home.
If trust cannot be restored then why am I here? Why did I marry her? If she chooses to continue then I will need to determine what I want to do. She would have chosen something other then "us". I will do what needs to be done if she continues. As for now.... I have chosen "us".
So do you sporadically look at her phone? Don't you feel weird every time it beeps? I would ...
I completely believe in trust, and that means not looking at your wife's phone or wondering about who is texting.
However I believe the story about innocently checking about a Dr.s appt and running into the texts. If that were me I would scroll down to make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions based on one text message.
It's bad news all around. She may not be literally fooling around with him but she was sextually doing so. Texting would be ok but not sexting. That is very disappointing.
The OP has decided to try to put it behind him and that is a good decision. There is always going to be problems in a marriage of some kind and people make mistakes or do stupid things. When you have kids then you work through them whenever possible. Where there is love, there is hope. If there is no love between the couple then there really is no point. That would be the thing to consider.
I completely believe in trust, and that means not looking at your wife's phone or wondering about who is texting.
However I believe the story about innocently checking about a Dr.s appt and running into the texts. If that were me I would scroll down to make sure I wasn't jumping to conclusions based on one text message.
It's bad news all around. She may not be literally fooling around with him but she was sextually doing so. Texting would be ok but not sexting. That is very disappointing.
The OP has decided to try to put it behind him and that is a good decision. There is always going to be problems in a marriage of some kind and people make mistakes or do stupid things. When you have kids then you work through them whenever possible. Where there is love, there is hope. If there is no love between the couple then there really is no point. That would be the thing to consider.
It is my only choice.
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