What does he want me to label him? (how to, guy, calling)
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I kinda like how casual we are right now and we are just hanging out. we don't feel pressured to do something really romantic for each other.
in the past I've jumped into the bf gf stage with other guys and we end up breaking up really soon cause we didn't know each other that well. and once we got to know the other person all hell broke loose.
so maybe taking it slow with this guy isn't such a bad idea. we can both get to know each other and see where we want to take things. plus if we do find out we are not meant for each other we don't have to go through a messy break up and still be friends with each other.
yes i know i just contradict what i said earlier so no body has to tell me that. i know already. i just had time to think about some more and i think that it is really good for us to get to know each other before we actually take what we have to the next stage
i want us to work out. i want him to tell me he want to be my bf instead of playing all these games trying to get a reaction out of me.
Sometimes the person we thought we wanted, though, turns out to be very different, and incompatible. They're cute and intriguing to flirt with, but once you have the whole person on your hands, not just his image and your imaginings, you may discover he's not your type. Mistakes happen; it's not anyone's fault or a failure on your part, or anything; that's just the way getting to know someone is, sometimes.
Wait until you see him again and see how it goes. If he asks you anything about defining the relationship or applying a label, just say you thought you'd discussed it and were on the same page. Ask him why he asks, and if there's a problem. Gauge his reaction from there. Get a feel for if he's open and sincere, or playing games.
In my experience, if a guy tells you that he doesn't want to be your boyfriend, that he doesn't want a relationship etc., listen to what he's saying. Getting to know him more is a great idea BUT I wouldn't get more emotionally involved if you are looking for a relationship with him further down the line. Did you ask him if he was just against the gf/bf for the time being, or in general?
That he asked you what you are to him, after having sex, just sounds like a bit of a mind game to me.
I kinda like how casual we are right now and we are just hanging out. we don't feel pressured to do something really romantic for each other.
in the past I've jumped into the bf gf stage with other guys and we end up breaking up really soon cause we didn't know each other that well. and once we got to know the other person all hell broke loose.
so maybe taking it slow with this guy isn't such a bad idea. we can both get to know each other and see where we want to take things. plus if we do find out we are not meant for each other we don't have to go through a messy break up and still be friends with each other.
This sounds good, OP. Except that you've already had sex, and that can cloud people's judgment. It brings an emotional level into it, where it can be harder to see the person as they really are. For example, it seems to be affecting his behavior and expectations, but we'll see. Sex tends to cause people to become attached, though not always, obviously. Just saying that it can be hard, once you've done that, to say, "Wait, I want to dial it back so we can get to know each other gradually." But you can certainly try. It's all a learning curve. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
Sometimes the person we thought we wanted, though, turns out to be very different, and incompatible. They're cute and intriguing to flirt with, but once you have the whole person on your hands, not just his image and your imaginings, you may discover he's not your type. Mistakes happen; it's not anyone's fault or a failure on your part, or anything; that's just the way getting to know someone is, sometimes.
Wait until you see him again and see how it goes. If he asks you anything about defining the relationship or applying a label, just say you thought you'd discussed it and were on the same page. Ask him why he asks, and if there's a problem. Gauge his reaction from there. Get a feel for if he's open and sincere, or playing games.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
This sounds good, OP. Except that you've already had sex, and that can cloud people's judgment. It brings an emotional level into it, where it can be harder to see the person as they really are. For example, it seems to be affecting his behavior and expectations, but we'll see. Sex tends to cause people to become attached, though not always, obviously. Just saying that it can be hard, once you've done that, to say, "Wait, I want to dial it back so we can get to know each other gradually." But you can certainly try. It's all a learning curve. Good luck. Let us know how it goes.
i completely agree with you. if he does ever bring up the topic again i will for sure ask him about it. Getting to know someone is very scary since you don't know if it is going to be a hit or a miss. he seems to be doing ok so far. some guys I've dated wouldn't stop talking about sex after we had it but we seem to have a perfect balance of both. he still asks about my day and any thing he wants to know about me (which is nice).
Thanks for the advice on taking rewinding things a bit cause i do see how sex has affected our "relationship". he definitely got more clingy and "loving". i think he was already secretly "in love" with me before he even asked me out ( i mean we got to know each other a little bit before we started hanging out). he just doesn't know his feelings for me is. he told me so many times how much he admires me and how i always seem out of arm's length. maybe he just needs time to get to know the real me and figure out his feelings. so that is why he doesn't want a bf/gf relationship rn.
i will keep all your advice in mind.
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