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Old 07-28-2016, 03:29 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ratherbcrazycatlady View Post
Yesss! You're winning today!

"She is a Behavior Analyst, we either have a date acting like jackasses, or it's nothing."
Win/win for me, that's what I wanted to do anyway!
Think is she is a woman, women are not nearly as judged by their jobs as men.
A male writer if not published yet after 26 of so are viewed with the big L on their forehead, I know a few writers in that boat.

or a musicians past a certain age if they have not been signed yet.(no matter how good at their craft they are).
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Old 07-28-2016, 03:46 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
Think is she is a woman, women are not nearly as judged by their jobs as men.
A male writer if not published yet after 26 of so are viewed with the big L on their forehead, I know a few writers in that boat.

or a musicians past a certain age if they have not been signed yet.(no matter how good at their craft they are).
Nope...baloney.

I was NEVER considered a "real writer" BY ANYBODY, male or female, young or old, until I had an actual, solid, on-site job getting paid a 40-hour salary AND was published monthly.

It didn't matter that I wrote the company newsletter or that everyone dropped dead with "ZOMG, you are SUCH a good writer!" It didn't matter that I lived, breathed and slept writing and, for that matter, reading (I'm in twisted and odd love with the English language). It didn't matter that I did college honors papers for my brother's friends and got all As for them.

I was not A Writer...capital A, capital W...until I had a money-that-supported-my-family job doing it.

I am a woman.
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Old 07-28-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
20,707 posts, read 19,883,738 times
Reputation: 43041
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
I own 2 websites and make a living via the advertisements and the online store, I am only able to do this because I lowered my monthly expenses. But I enjoy it.

one is a streaming site with old public domain sci-fi movies and vid I shoot myself, plus I make fake commercials that play between the movies.

An example:
that's awesome. Not sure why you hide it.


I wouldn't tell any women too early on how much you make. You can support yourself and that should be all that matters.
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Old 07-28-2016, 03:49 PM
 
6,806 posts, read 4,891,306 times
Reputation: 8594
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
Think is she is a woman, women are not nearly as judged by their jobs as men.
A male writer if not published yet after 26 of so are viewed with the big L on their forehead, I know a few writers in that boat.

or a musicians past a certain age if they have not been signed yet.(no matter how good at their craft they are).

You are right to a degree. Internet entrepreneur and video producer don't exactly scream starving artist, though.

BTW, you wouldn't be the first to parlay a very small internet venture into something bigger.
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Old 07-28-2016, 03:49 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
Okay. Why do you hide that?

Are you talking about sell-thru/click-thru? (Hate that spelling of "through" but that's how my boss spells it so I figure it must be "a thing.") My current boss supports his family comfortably on it, and pays me a salary.

Why are you hiding this?

ETA: Oh, I see. I don't think I'd call myself an "artist," if I were you. That brings to mind something other than what you describe, IMO. It's too vague. I mean I write, and technically I could call myself an artist. A musician could do the same. And so on. Shooting videos/commercials is really pretty much just company promotion...everyone does this...it is absolutely the most non-scandalous thing ever, so...LOL...I have NO idea what the problem could be there. But when you say "I'm an artist" she's likely picturing you sitting contemplatively in front of an easel for hours. It's not just the "starving" portion of the phrase as you described, it's a whole way of being that people think of when they think of "artists"...it's not necessarily accurate to peg actual paint-and-charcoal artists this way but people really just don't know. I might say videographer or video producer? Hmmm.

Why not tell your dates you have an online business? Your date will probably then ask you to go into detail, and now you have a conversation-starter. If she is turned off by the actual details of what you do, well...how are you going to hide that forever? If she's THAT horrified then she'll leave in a huff if you lead her on for a while with vagueness and mystery and then spill the beans. Why not just cross such women off your list right away? Why waste time?

Last edited by JerZ; 07-28-2016 at 04:19 PM..
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Old 07-28-2016, 03:58 PM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
Like I said if I was viewed as an artist it would be okay, but all women seem to see is starving artist.
Even though I'm far from starving.

Well, let's be honest, there's a level of truth to this. There are the people who have truly made it in the music industry. Those are the ones that are actually touring and selling out venues. Then you have people in the music industry that play local bars and coffee shops. One is a career/passion, while the later is mostly a passion. You have to be able to feed yourself and you have to be confident in knowing that what you do can support you.


I have a friend who used to be a full-time musician who did local coffee shops and bars. He realized if he wanted his marriage to last, he actually needed to bring in sufficient income. He wasn't touring big enough venues to actually survive on the income he was bringing in. Now, he doesn't "tour", he still records music, but he actually works a 9-5 job now. Would he much rather be playing music around the world? Absolutely. Would his marriage survive him pursuing his passion, while not contributing much to the household? Likely not.
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Old 07-28-2016, 04:01 PM
 
7,934 posts, read 8,570,189 times
Reputation: 5889
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
I have NEVER asked a guy about "disposable income"...I don't even use that term in life at all. How weird.

BTW; the guy I had the WORST date with ever drove the BEST car of any guy I had ever dated.

He was also very good looking by my friends standards; they all thought I was so "lucky" to get asked out by him.

The car WAS nice but the dude was dumber than a box of rocks!

("Next...!")
If i hear "disposable income" I'm immediately thinking "disposable woman"

Now, I'm not usually in the habit of dishing out advice to women on how to better run their female game on us men, but for god's sake you all make yourself so obvious when the first (or even 2nd or 3rd) question out of your mouth when fate brings us together for a chat at the bar is "so what do you do?"

We all know why you're asking it. We get it. You want a guy with a snazzy job and a high income. Play it cool and resist all urges to go there within the first 2 minutes of meeting us before trying to shove us through your "loser/winner" filter and move on with your busy life. If he's proud of his job and his success you'll be hearing about it shortly anyway if he thinks there's any chance at all you'll be impressed. Let him assume you were so smitten with his handsome looks and charming personality that you forget to even ask! no but seriously, ask anything else or better yet don't ask a bunch of pointed debbie downer questions that makes it obvious that you're just sizing him up as fast as possible. It going to work against you no matter what.
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Old 07-28-2016, 04:18 PM
 
1,568 posts, read 1,115,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84 View Post
Well, let's be honest, there's a level of truth to this. There are the people who have truly made it in the music industry. Those are the ones that are actually touring and selling out venues. Then you have people in the music industry that play local bars and coffee shops. One is a career/passion, while the later is mostly a passion. You have to be able to feed yourself and you have to be confident in knowing that what you do can support you.


I have a friend who used to be a full-time musician who did local coffee shops and bars. He realized if he wanted his marriage to last, he actually needed to bring in sufficient income. He wasn't touring big enough venues to actually survive on the income he was bringing in. Now, he doesn't "tour", he still records music, but he actually works a 9-5 job now. Would he much rather be playing music around the world? Absolutely. Would his marriage survive him pursuing his passion, while not contributing much to the household? Likely not.
And that is sad, if he is like many I know he it is prolly killing him inside.
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Old 07-28-2016, 04:23 PM
 
1,481 posts, read 1,222,033 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
I have considered the man's income in a general way, just as I'd expect him to consider mine (i.e. are we self-sufficient or are we living off Ramen and special favors? Do we have futures and plans or do we just feel like drifting on a McD's salary?) but I have NEVER asked what a man's "disposable income" was and in fact I don't think I ever asked even generally. I have asked what the person does for a living. That's standard "first meeting small talk" for anyone, dating or not. That can give a rough idea of where a person currently is and where s/he wants to go but it's not intrusive or ridiculous like asking what the "disposable income" is. FTR I haven't always been the first one on the date to ask "What do you do for a living?" Far from it. Again, that's standard-issue first-date or first-meeting small talk.

Yes, the guy's self-sufficiency is important to me and I would EXPECT, not feel or believe but fully expect he feel the same way about me (that has been my general experience in the dating world). If he's hanging on by a thread AND has no plans to fix that in the future he's probably not the guy for me, but that's not because he can't take me to Spago, it's because of personality types needing to match. I've always worked. (Since 1985, actually. Well, full-time; before that were the usual kid "jobs.") I expect him to. I've always had work goals. I expect him to.

FTR, I made more money than my husband did when we married. He loved what he did for a living and had been in the same line of work since college. He had plans to continue in that industry and was feeling out different ways he could go while staying in the industry. He got his rear out of bed every morning just like I did, got dressed and out the door and worked his full day just like I did. We made a decent income together but he was already self-sufficient on his and I was self-sufficient on mine.
TBH I can't see anyone in their right mind asking "what's your disposable income". Perhaps the OP just interprets it that way or he volunteers this information and gets upset when women decide they would be incompatible.

I pay attention to what someone says about themselves, observe their lifestyle, their spending habits etc and can quite easily make a judgement about whether or not we would be compatible. It's one thing to be working at MacDonalds to fund college, it's another thing to make working at MacDonalds into a career for life. I could live with the former & happily support it, whereas the latter is a no for me.
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Old 07-28-2016, 04:26 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,927,258 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by cyphorx View Post
And that is sad, if he is like many I know he it is prolly killing him inside.
It's sad and then again, it isn't. Not to be brutal, but LOADS of people want to be a famous "whatever" when they grow up. Famous musician. World-applauded dancer. Amazing painter. Brilliant novelist. Celebrated actor.

But only a percentage will have the talent for these things - or even to make a living doing them - and again, it pretty much hurts me to say this, but most of us grow up and realize that. We realize that if we really did have that degree of talent, on top of the sheer jaw-clenching drive it takes and being willing to give up EVERYTHING else, we'd be there. We'd be the stars. It isn't someone else holding us back. It's us and our own limits.

When we realize this, we continue with the things we love, either as a side thing - just for the pure joy of it - for pay, or simply on our own, again, just for the joy of it. I know so many people who do this. Even my son's former teacher is a musician on the side. He doesn't hope to "make it big" and make a life-supporting business off of it, but he loves it to death. He's very good; probably not "amazing." It isn't having to support himself that's holding him back from "making it big" - let's face it, musicians will sleep out of cars if they have to. It's his own limit that's doing that. BUT he can still DO AND ENJOY what he loves. Forever.
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