Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Observe the answers you give to get a sense of your own personal direction.
There should be absolutely no reason to not initiate unless you are someone who is totally uninvolved or unmotivated.
One big reason to not initiate is if he wants to have sex 4 times a day...to initiate you'd have to catch him a couple hours after the last time or he'd always beat ya to it! So yeah, the guy's ridiculous...and he has no idea what the OP did with previous boyfriends so he's just talking out of his a$$ cuz he's ticked off and out the door. Pay him no nevermind....
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by homina12
It really is grossly unfair (zentropa and JAG) to grill (taunt?) someone like this. Seems like information he's divulged in unguarded moments in an effort to get some help is being used against him. This has happened, to this poster, more than once. What's the fvcking point?
Anyone ever think that this is why I may have an aversion to therapy? (I couldn't afford therapy if I wanted to anyway.)
All men that are raised by single moms are not bitter and dysfunctional. Kids from single mom households can still have healthy role-models in the form of coaches, step-dads, uncles, teachers, etc.
The one's who end up bitter misogynists are usually the ones from single mom households with little or no contact with positive, healthy male role models. They never learn how to have functional interactions with women.
Well, a lot of the bitter manboys who champion MRA and MGTOW appear to be the upper-middle class types who were raised with a certain ideology that places significant importance on gender roles and the golden days of the <1950s, pre-equality and civil rights era when white men dominated every aspect of society (and still does). I'm pretty sure many of the ones who frequent or semi-frequent this board are "UMC" white men from two parent households that espoused "traditional family values." Their dysfunctional view of relationships and unhealthy attitude toward women are all thanks to puritanical mumbo-jumbo, but no doubt, many others who are not products of "UMC" two parent households have fallen into similar mindset for different reasons. They may hate on women because they blame them for a multitude of reasons, and whatever their environment lacked during their adolescence.
There are way too many factors involved to really "blame" absenteeism on the part of the father. I know many folks from two parent households, of varying backgrounds, who are also dysfunctional or have "baggage" to unpack. And what makes a "healthy" role model to one individual will absolutely NOT be a "healthy" role model to another. I have relatives in my own family, who appear upstanding and to be great role models, but this is questionable when you look beneath the surface.
Oh yeah i stopped bending. I did that for years and it got me nowhere so now I stand my ground. My wishes and expectations are not out of line.
At the end of the day, you need to do what is best for you and your children. However, I don't see you as "unbending", just the opposite in fact. You bend too readily. Before this last relationship, I remember you stating that going forward, you would wait until marriage/engagement to have sex. But you bended on that pretty quickly.
Stay true to your principles and don't be so quick to bend on them. Good luck!
Anyone ever think that this is why I may have an aversion to therapy? (I couldn't afford therapy if I wanted to anyway.)
*whew* I'm glad that little storm blew over.
Diss--does your health insurance cover "mental health"?
The key to therapy is to find a good therapist, which isn't easy. But someone with experience in your issues, and family trauma or abandonment issues, can create a safe space for you to explore the deeper recesses of Diss, work it all out, pound it out on a pillow, or whatever, and heal from it. It can be a relief. I've seen people transform after some time at this. Just saying.
Which of us is correct? Do women need initiate to show they want a man?
Neither one of you if it is expected that one person will initiate "all" the time. IMO it should be a shared thing…then you both feel desired…and I'm not talking the rough stuff unless you like that
Relationships are best when you are paired with someone you are sexually compatible with. For some, that might mean you initiate as much as they do. For others, this might mean one partner initiates more.
Neither is right or wrong. Only the match can be wrong if one or both is left dissatisfied.
Relationships are best when you are paired with someone you are sexually compatible with. For some, that might mean you initiate as much as they do. For others, this might mean one partner initiates more.
Neither is right or wrong. Only the match can be wrong if one or both is left dissatisfied.
Exactly. The OP's sexual drive seems normal to me, given her poorly-matched relationship choice(s), her work load, and tremendous responsibilities. Also, she may feel lack of desire simply due to being in the wrong relationship. When/if she meets the right man for her, her level of desire may light on fire in a way that she's never felt before. That's what happened to me when I met my husband, anyway. It was as if a switch was flipped.
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 07-28-2016 at 06:38 PM..
Reason: typing on phone skills are not so good
i think women have the right to initiate sex if that is what they want. some women would want to wait for the man to initiate it the first time. but it is nice for women to do it first sometimes. some guys might be nervous to ask for sex from a woman just because what he is like invading your personal space or something you know. like you can show signs that you want to have sex with him if he seems too nervous to ask for sex. i mean that is only if you really want to have sex if him. if you are not ready do not make the move.
Well, a lot of the bitter manboys who champion MRA and MGTOW appear to be the upper-middle class types who were raised with a certain ideology that places significant importance on gender roles and the golden days of the <1950s, pre-equality and civil rights era when white men dominated every aspect of society (and still does). I'm pretty sure many of the ones who frequent or semi-frequent this board are "UMC" white men from two parent households that espoused "traditional family values." Their dysfunctional view of relationships and unhealthy attitude toward women are all thanks to puritanical mumbo-jumbo, but no doubt, many others who are not products of "UMC" two parent households have fallen into similar mindset for different reasons. They may hate on women because they blame them for a multitude of reasons, and whatever their environment lacked during their adolescence.
There are way too many factors involved to really "blame" absenteeism on the part of the father. I know many folks from two parent households, of varying backgrounds, who are also dysfunctional or have "baggage" to unpack. And what makes a "healthy" role model to one individual will absolutely NOT be a "healthy" role model to another. I have relatives in my own family, who appear upstanding and to be great role models, but this is questionable when you look beneath the surface.
Personally, I don't think that there is such a thing as a "healthy attitude" towards something. It's all subjective and socially-based. It's based on the culture at that particular time.
In the 1950s, these men would be right at home and you would be judged as not having a healthy attitude.
I think a fairer assessment would be that these men simply do not fit in our society.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
