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OP, it was definitely a booty call. I think that you don't need to get rid of him yet but just make it clear that you are not interested in hookups/booty calls. He may think that since you were drunk and you kissed him and you met on Tinder that you are down to sleep together. Try not to be insulted. Lots of girls do stuff like that nowadays.
Give him a chance to see if he asks you out. Go on a proper date. Don't get tipsy. Don't sleep with him. Okay to kiss if you are into it. Ignore any middle of the night text that happens in the future.
I feel that calling is not to be expected. I feel that if I call someone I am being very forward and intrusive unless it is an elderly person or a close relative. He might think that you would be offended if he calls you. If you like the telephone, try to let that slip in conversation but don't say it in a text because it will sound like a criticism.
In the meantime, continue seeing other guys if you want to. I wouldn't write off this one yet but don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
What is it that makes you think a guy who might want to get together with you late at night for a booty call cannot also be interested in an serious relationship?
Bwahahahahahaha.........stop you are making me pee..
Hi, I'm 28 and I recently went on a date with a 34 year old guy who I met on Tinder. I know the app has a 'hookup culture' reputation to it, but from what I've heard (at least from friends here in Seattle) these days it's quite normalized and plenty of people have met serious long term partners through it. A few minutes after this guy messaged me on Tinder, I saw that he'd also somehow found/visited my OkCupid profile, and on there, everything about his profile indicated that he was looking for a long term relationship (as mine does too).
On Wednesday we had a great (altho pretty tipsy) first date over drinks. He seemed incredibly sweet and lighthearted/friendly (just as his profile indicated), was flirtatious and complimentary and was all around a nice guy. We kissed on the way out and a few times while walking, then he waited with me for my Uber. As he put me in the car, he gave me a kiss and said "see you soon?" quite sweetly. Just after the car left, I received a message from him saying he had a great time and to text him when I got home so he knew I was safe.
Over Thursday/Friday we texted, with him sending a "good morning" text, repeatedly saying he'd had a great time, and later asking if I had any big plans that weekend. I sent a (slightly delayed) response saying I didn't have anything major going on besides helping a friend move on Sunday (implying I was mostly open), he said cool and told me he was seeing friends and going to a play Saturday night. I found that so weird because I thought he was trying to see if he could set up time for a second date. It bugged me that he wasn't trying to see me again right away, but I decided to shake it off and not overthink it.
It's now Friday night and he's sent me a "Are you still awake?" text at 1:50am. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because that same Friday morning we'd had a conversation about how we were both night owls who always stay up too late. He's not the best conversationalist by text (even before meeting him), so when I sent a really brief response to one of his texts around lunch time, he didn't follow up and that was the last I'd heard of him on Friday until the late-night text. I found this really disappointing (even before the late-night text) because to me, it just showed a lack of serious interest.
I haven't replied to the late-night text, but I'm assuming it's what it looks like: a booty call. He definitely went out and is drunk. Should I just accept that he doesn't see me as potential relationship material and move on, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt? How should I respond in the morning -- should I flat out ask him "was that a booty call?" and make it clear that's not the type of relationship I'm looking for? Or should I just not respond at all, wait for him to offer an explanation, and if he doesn't, just plain forget about him?
I can't believe dating has gotten so reliant on electronic communications that a telephone call is considered "intrusive" or "offensive."
Sadly, I can. Real, personal and especially face-to-face conversation are becoming lost arts. I don't know how people even recognize one an other they're so bent over their cell phones and tablets. I can hear it now, "Hey, I recognize those roots!"
In my experience (JUST mine ), if a guy wanted something more than a hit it and quit it, he was careful to make sure *I* was the one who knew it wasn't just a hit it and quit it...IOW, I sure have never been booty-called in the middle of the night by a guy who was even semi-serious about me. Guys tend (not always...tend) to be more "careful" and do things "the right way" (the idea of this varies but there are a few generalities there) when curious about pursuing a new association as more than a quick valve release.
That's not to say this is the case with you, OP, but first of all, it's weird that he asked you what you were doing this weekend and then when you expressed an open schedule, casually went on to talk about how his weekend was already full...I get that people make plans but again, JUST MY EXPERIENCE, if a guy really wanted to get to know me better and one of the things he was doing that weekend was just hanging out with friends, he'd either cancel that or invite me along. But if he really could not/did not want to cancel/alter those plans (understandable), why go out of his way to contact you to let you know he was having all this fun this weekend without you? (???) Odd. Then, he is suddenly freed up, late at night...I mean come on...
And since, I guess there hasn't been much talk? Or...much texting?
Yeah, I don't know. I think I'd just keep looking around, personally. You don't know for a fact that the above suggestions are accurate to how this guy has been thinking but either way, you are obviously not feeling the love overall, so you just keep doing your thing, independently of him. Just my $0.02.
OP, it was definitely a booty call. I think that you don't need to get rid of him yet but just make it clear that you are not interested in hookups/booty calls. He may think that since you were drunk and you kissed him and you met on Tinder that you are down to sleep together. Try not to be insulted. Lots of girls do stuff like that nowadays.
Give him a chance to see if he asks you out. Go on a proper date. Don't get tipsy. Don't sleep with him. Okay to kiss if you are into it. Ignore any middle of the night text that happens in the future.
I feel that calling is not to be expected. I feel that if I call someone I am being very forward and intrusive unless it is an elderly person or a close relative. He might think that you would be offended if he calls you. If you like the telephone, try to let that slip in conversation but don't say it in a text because it will sound like a criticism.
In the meantime, continue seeing other guys if you want to. I wouldn't write off this one yet but don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Good luck and have fun!
THIS. This is exactly the PERFECT honest yet fair and context-aware response I needed! Thank you! I do tend to jump to conclusions (sometimes based on my own insecurities) and sometimes want to write people off right away (especially since I'm not used to Tinder and hookup culture), but having read this and many of the other posters here saying to play it cool and see how things turn out, that's what I did.
For those who were wondering -- I texted him a short/playful "Haha.. fun night? :P" text (a full 12 hrs later), and it took a couple hrs but he did reply, saying yes, he'd gone out with a couple friends and where he'd been when he texted me etc, then asked how my weekend was going and we chit-chatted a bit. He didn't exactly acknowledge the booty call aspect of the text, which I'm wondering if he was embarrassed about, so I just played along and was friendly/polite.
Yesterday night he texted asking how the move went (as mentioned, I told him I'd be spending Sunday helping a friend move), and he made friendly/enthusiastic chit chat again, then asked me out for Tuesday night and we've set a place/time. So, I guess we'll still how things will go, but all is not entirely lost
Last edited by erica1012; 08-01-2016 at 04:44 PM..
Sadly, I can. Real, personal and especially face-to-face conversation are becoming lost arts. I don't know how people even recognize one an other they're so bent over their cell phones and tablets. I can hear it now, "Hey, I recognize those roots!"
I agree! It's absolutely becoming a lost art, especially phone calls, which is sad. People will always (eventually) spend time together face to face, but phone calls seem to have been entirely replaced by text messages in my generation (at least in my experience here in Seattle, where literally 99% of people I've met work in the tech industry).
And that's sad for me because I love phone calls (sometimes even more than face-to-face contact early on in relationships, because when you have nothing else to do but actually talk, you really talk.) In my early college years (not in Seattle), my dates would always call and long conversations were my favorite thing. Not so much since graduating college and moving here.
I think I'll try what manhattangirl said, and try to slip it into conversation that I love phone calls. Maybe not for this next date, but if things continue in the future.
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Who is??? PICK UP PHONE AND TALK!!
), if a guy wanted something more than a hit it and quit it, he was careful to make sure *I* was the one who knew it wasn't just a hit it and quit it...IOW, I sure have never been booty-called in the middle of the night by a guy who was even semi-serious about me. Guys tend (not always...tend) to be more "careful" and do things "the right way" (the idea of this varies but there are a few generalities there) when curious about pursuing a new association as more than a quick valve release.
