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I believe, anyone that has been cheated on has gone, or is experiencing the emotions you're going through (I know I have). The feeling of betrayal and low self-worth comes when the person you thought loved you would do such a selfish heart-wrenching thing.
In time, you will accept what has happened, forgive yourself (possibly your partner, too), and find solace.
I took comfort in that I will always be looking forward to a brighter future, while my cheating partners will always be looking back.
This is very good advise.
Yes OP I've gone through this also. You're 27. Still a great age to meet a man, have children, etc.
So now just focus on moving forward.
And as HC said use the opportunity to better yourself.
If you've cheated, did you have regrets about the way you went about it?
I've been a mistress to a married man in a relationship that lasted over 4 years.
Regrets? Yes, I do. Many, many regrets. Not the least of which is that I ruined my life (because yes, this all about me) and made many decisions based on half-truths, distortions and manipulative tactics. Over the years, I've realized that I myself was a selfish little brat and come to realization that my motive in hooking the "married man" was to boost my own ego. That he was powerful and had some authority in the circles in which I lived, simply boosted the allure in my eyes.
Does it count if it happened with a guy whom I'd talked to on the Internet, but I'd not met in person yet? (I found out he was a cheater and a liar before things got that far)
Short version is that I'd met "Brad" in a Christian chat room, he seemed interested in a relationship with me, and meeting in person if things worked out. Shortly after I'd agreed to get involved, I found out he was feeding the same lines to "Emma", who was a regular chat room visitor and a good friend of mine. And even better, in "real life" he was engaged to a third woman who visited the said chat room, and she happened to be friends with both "Emma" and I.
Fortunately, this didn't mess up any friendships......we all realized that "Brad" was the one with the problem. And I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was not so funny.
I'd be a little weirded out by someone expressing an interest in a relationship without even meeting in person.
I'm also a little surprised in your success meeting local people on a Christian dating site. I tried Christian Mingle for a bit. The average distance of people I communicated with was like 600 to 1000 miles lol
I still miss him like crazy. Little things. I went for an interview yesterday, and I wanted to tell him all about it. I got an expensive speeding ticket last week; I wanted to vent to him.
If you've been cheated on, how long did it take you to move on from it? How were you able to get closure? Did you think it helped you grow?
If you've cheated, did you have regrets about the way you went about it?
Never cheated. Not in 22 years with the same man. Never even came close. I really don't even remember thinking about it. After my daughter was born, definitely not on my mind. There is something really cheap and tacky to me about being someones mother and cheating on your husband, their father. There's no way I would risk finding out f I could handle the guilt.
Have I ever been cheated on? Yes. Apparently people don't always see commitment the same way. Not being able to handle the guilty feeling isn't universal.
How long did it take me to move on? Years. It does seem time heals all wounds, but if you're thinking its taking too long, maybe try a one-nightstand Someone who stands on their chair and proclaims to all that you are: 'The most beautiful woman in this bar, and you are leaving with" him tonight!
Just make sure, if it's a ONS you're thinking will do the trick, don't give him your real #. Whole nother story.
First, big hugs to you. It's never easy. Usually what hurts most is the betrayal. I've been on both sides. Been where you have been and been that hurt. Will you learn from it? I'm not sure, but I hope you don't learn to stop trusting people. I do hope you can talk to people who have been in the same situation who can maybe give you an inkling of what to look out for.
Being a cheater myself (many years ago), I know the game, I know how to play it. I instinctively can tell when something is amiss. I don't just to conclusions, but I can tell when something is off. I have been cheated on. I have learned to mix up my schedules to catch cheaters (don't turn into that), I don't trust very well...if at all anymore (don't turn into that anymore).
My biggest advice to you....roll with the emotions. Don't blame yourself. Know that the man you thought you knew, was not the man that was there anymore (who knows if he was always like this or not). Learn to let it go. Seriously, don't blame yourself. Even if you were some psycho B, he should have left you before cheating.
On the other side of the coin, the cheaters side, honestly, I didn't care about anyone but myself and my pleasure/happiness. If I hurt the guy, I didn't care, I had a new toy to play with. If he found out, lie lie lie or just walk away, there will be new toys to play with soon enough. As for your ex moving on....I hate to tell you this, but he probably moved on long ago (assuming he was in it to begin with). Usually when I moved on from a r'ship after getting caught (wait, I never got caught), I was already gone, never really there, already bored with the person. And like I said earlier....it wasn't the person's fault, it was me and how I selfishly viewed the world.
So please....do not blame yourself. Let it go. Him moving on is no reflection on you. Him cheating is no reflection on you. Don't let him suck your happiness away because he was selfish.
I don't know if it would be considered cheating but when the ex left me she stayed in touch and filed for separation only. I made it clear I wasted us to go to counseling and consider reconciliation . About two months later I discovered that she had moved her "boyfriend" whom she'd known for six months in with herself and our two minor daughters. Was that cheating? In any event, I counter-filed for divorce and lived like a monk for the almost two years it took until the divorce was final thanks to her dragging her feet on settlement and months thereafter. Personally, I think what she did was tantamount to cheating.
You never get over it. There is something primal about having your trust thoroughly betrayed. But it does not have to consume you. And it does not have to damage you.
You misjudged someone in a good way and they did not honor you or your commitment.
It will be less paralyzing if you find a way to empower yourself. Besides all the hurt and outrage, there is a grieving process you need to go through for the death of what you thought you had.
Seeing a counselor can help you work through things & give you a person to confide in. I am sorry this happened to you. I hope it pains you less tomorrow.
In my first relationship, i cheated on a girl and she cheated on me. We were both bad people who were dating each other. But she decided to cheat on me two more times behind my back. That's when I finally cut things loose.
So no one here has cheated before? Guess we have a lot of saints but I'm the only sinner.
As for the OP, with time things will be better.
In an exclusive relationship no i haven't but when I was very young i slept with family members/friends of girls I was casually seeing.....
So that's hardly canonisation material is it
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Someone who stands on their chair and proclaims to all that you are: 'The most beautiful woman in this bar, and you are leaving with" him tonight!
