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Old 07-31-2016, 06:29 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,331 times
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I just recently got out of 4-year relationship that ended in my ex cheating. It's two months today, he is still with this other woman (as he told me he didn't love me anymore), and I'm having a very hard time moving on. I haven't seen or spoken to him since our breakup then.

I feel all kinds of emotions everyday. He was my very best friend more than anything. I try to keep myself busy, but it's incredibly hard. Even after 2 months, I can't be alone in my own house. Those are the worst times.

I will say that I feel like my sense of self has come back. I'm a better person without him. I've been doing things this summer that I would've NEVER done a year ago. Reflection has been the theme.

I still miss him like crazy. Little things. I went for an interview yesterday, and I wanted to tell him all about it. I got an expensive speeding ticket last week; I wanted to vent to him.

I think what hurts the most, besides the lying and betrayal, is the fact that he was able to move on so quickly. I can't even think about dating... 2 months later. I'm so scared because I just turned 27. I thought I would be married with a kid by now.

If you've been cheated on, how long did it take you to move on from it? How were you able to get closure? Did you think it helped you grow?

If you've cheated, did you have regrets about the way you went about it?
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Old 07-31-2016, 06:58 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,717 posts, read 12,225,075 times
Reputation: 26124
I believe, anyone that has been cheated on has gone, or is experiencing the emotions you're going through (I know I have). The feeling of betrayal and low self-worth comes when the person you thought loved you would do such a selfish heart-wrenching thing.

In time, you will accept what has happened, forgive yourself (possibly your partner, too), and find solace.

I took comfort in that I will always be looking forward to a brighter future, while my cheating partners will always be looking back.
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Old 07-31-2016, 07:05 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 8,384,631 times
Reputation: 12408
Quote:
Originally Posted by erin034 View Post
I just recently got out of 4-year relationship that ended in my ex cheating. It's two months today, he is still with this other woman (as he told me he didn't love me anymore), and I'm having a very hard time moving on. I haven't seen or spoken to him since our breakup then.

I feel all kinds of emotions everyday. He was my very best friend more than anything. I try to keep myself busy, but it's incredibly hard. Even after 2 months, I can't be alone in my own house. Those are the worst times.

I will say that I feel like my sense of self has come back. I'm a better person without him. I've been doing things this summer that I would've NEVER done a year ago. Reflection has been the theme.

I still miss him like crazy. Little things. I went for an interview yesterday, and I wanted to tell him all about it. I got an expensive speeding ticket last week; I wanted to vent to him.

I think what hurts the most, besides the lying and betrayal, is the fact that he was able to move on so quickly. I can't even think about dating... 2 months later. I'm so scared because I just turned 27. I thought I would be married with a kid by now.

If you've been cheated on, how long did it take you to move on from it? How were you able to get closure? Did you think it helped you grow?

If you've cheated, did you have regrets about the way you went about it?
Welcome to the forum Erin and I'm truly sorry to hear of this

I think you are going about it the right way in getting over him in keeping yourself busy and personally I find just socialising with friends is just what the doctor ordered and first

You might not believe this right now but whilst being out and about with friends I think you will come across and meet someone else that you like, which IMO is the very best way to get over someone ( but after a 4 year relationship it may take time to adjust ).

Some people can and do move on quicker than others so I wouldn't take too much notice of how quickly he's moved on

I've not cheated when exclusive and to my knowledge not been cheated on..... It's the guilt that would consume me and what stops me from doing it
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Old 07-31-2016, 07:26 PM
 
Location: So Cal
40,423 posts, read 39,951,648 times
Reputation: 41900
Quote:
Originally Posted by erin034 View Post
I just recently got out of 4-year relationship that ended in my ex cheating. It's two months today, he is still with this other woman (as he told me he didn't love me anymore), and I'm having a very hard time moving on. I haven't seen or spoken to him since our breakup then.

I feel all kinds of emotions everyday. He was my very best friend more than anything. I try to keep myself busy, but it's incredibly hard. Even after 2 months, I can't be alone in my own house. Those are the worst times.

I will say that I feel like my sense of self has come back. I'm a better person without him. I've been doing things this summer that I would've NEVER done a year ago. Reflection has been the theme.

I still miss him like crazy. Little things. I went for an interview yesterday, and I wanted to tell him all about it. I got an expensive speeding ticket last week; I wanted to vent to him.

I think what hurts the most, besides the lying and betrayal, is the fact that he was able to move on so quickly. I can't even think about dating... 2 months later. I'm so scared because I just turned 27. I thought I would be married with a kid by now.

If you've been cheated on, how long did it take you to move on from it? How were you able to get closure? Did you think it helped you grow?

If you've cheated, did you have regrets about the way you went about it?
Not to be cliché but time will help heal. I'm sorry you're feeling this way right now. I get it, I really do. Mrs. Chow is my best friend and I don't know what I'd do if I found out she was cheating on me. The bond being broken is the worst.

I've never been cheated on that I know of and I've never cheated on a woman I was with. Loyalty to me is something I value, you can disagree with me and heck Mrs. Chow is always disagreeing with me but loyalty is something that I feel is important to her as well. I can't speak for her, but that's the sense that I get. Your spouse is one of the cornerstones of your life.

To have that jerked out from under you leaves you flailing a bit. I get the sense from your post that you'll be ok.

Hang in there and don't become bitter and assume that all men with cheat and hurt you as they most certainly won't and you're young enough still, I wouldn't sweat trying to "meet a deadline" in terms of the marriage and kids, people are getting married and having kids later and later in life these days.

Best of luck to you.
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Old 07-31-2016, 08:27 PM
 
439 posts, read 547,839 times
Reputation: 514
My ex cheated on me. It sucked. She never would tell me to my face that she did it. The worst is when you have friends and mutual friends telling you they ran into her with another guy downtown. She strung me along for like 3 months after that. I was an emotional wreck, and looking back on it now, I acted like a little *****. Finally I told her I had enough, and cut off all communication. I saw the guy she cheated on me with and dated, but never had any confrontation between us. It wasn't worth it.

However, as karma would have it, about 4 years ago the guy she cheated on me with and was dating was arrested for breaking and entering into a house, and stealing a firearm.
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Old 08-01-2016, 05:20 AM
 
12,324 posts, read 13,564,155 times
Reputation: 14292
My thought are and always will be is an understanding you would leave if they ever cheated.

With that always lingering in their mind the idea of cheating is losing me. No questions asked.

I've never been cheated on...hmmmff...imagine that?

Being good in the sack helps too.
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Old 08-01-2016, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,675 posts, read 44,269,795 times
Reputation: 24995
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
My thought are and always will be is an understanding you would leave if they ever cheated.

With that always lingering in their mind the idea of cheating is losing me. No questions asked.

I've never been cheated on...hmmmff...imagine that?

Being good in the sack helps too.
Lol......lies.
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Old 08-01-2016, 08:25 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,030 posts, read 12,818,958 times
Reputation: 31312
Sorry that you have to go through that.


I have been cheated on. It sucks and time, booze, and sports helped me tremendously.


Pets are great therapists, too.
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Old 08-01-2016, 08:26 AM
 
Location: SoCal again
16,030 posts, read 12,818,958 times
Reputation: 31312
Quote:
Originally Posted by hawaiiancoconut View Post
I believe, anyone that has been cheated on has gone, or is experiencing the emotions you're going through (I know I have). The feeling of betrayal and low self-worth comes when the person you thought loved you would do such a selfish heart-wrenching thing.

In time, you will accept what has happened, forgive yourself (possibly your partner, too), and find solace.

I took comfort in that I will always be looking forward to a brighter future, while my cheating partners will always be looking back.
Care to elaborate? I don't get it.
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Old 08-01-2016, 08:36 AM
 
Location: Texas
43,534 posts, read 52,626,787 times
Reputation: 70762
I don't know if this will help, but he didn't move on quickly.

Either he had already for months before leaving been disengaging his heart OR he's still processing/delayed processing his loss/grief.

Kind of irrelevant bc it's not a contest of who gets over who more quickly.

When I left my ex, I left her with many half-true impressions of my "cheating" so she'd take things less personally and maybe feel more righteous anger rather than sadness.
Was that right? I don't know. She just kept insisting I enumerate all her flaws and failings, and I thought it might hurt less if she just thought I was an ahole instead of my leaving bc of our incompatibilities that would have sounded like her shortcomings.

Kind of sucks, bc now she and her family (who I cared for a lot after 7 years) think I'm a raging jerk. But better that, I suppose, than her thinking she wasn't good enough.
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