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Old 08-01-2016, 03:25 PM
 
35 posts, read 15,066 times
Reputation: 22

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I would love to hear from the folks here,,especially the women on this one...

I do not want to go into the details of the breakup. but I will say this, I am 49 and she is 47, we have been together since March of 2014. I asked her to marry me in March of 2015 and all was great. Then thru my secrew ups, my income vanished, and I just flaked out on her and failed to make the wedding happen.
and we physically seperated in november when she asked me to move out.

Ok, fast forward to now. I have a new job and I am doing great. She is giving me another chance! well it is like my 18th chance.

So she says she wants to go slow. Like we are starting all over again. HELP! what does that mean. we were living together, sleeping together every night, eating dinner together every night, etc....

so what now? do I ask to see her? how often to talk? do a date per week? what about flowers and stuff?
help! i need some advice. My go to default is to want it all 100% right now. That will only push her away.
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:33 PM
 
6,805 posts, read 3,275,204 times
Reputation: 8481
She is rightfully skittish. Getting engaged after only one year is way too soon. As you both found out, things happened that proved the two of you still do not know each other that well.

The main person to ask in terms of what taking is slowly means is her. She is the only one who can tell you what her expectations around this are.

She probably needs quite a bit of time to trust you again.
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:36 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,690,833 times
Reputation: 12385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdesey View Post
I would love to hear from the folks here,,especially the women on this one...

I do not want to go into the details of the breakup. but I will say this, I am 49 and she is 47, we have been together since March of 2014. I asked her to marry me in March of 2015 and all was great. Then thru my secrew ups, my income vanished, and I just flaked out on her and failed to make the wedding happen.
and we physically seperated in november when she asked me to move out.

Ok, fast forward to now. I have a new job and I am doing great. She is giving me another chance! well it is like my 18th chance.

So she says she wants to go slow. Like we are starting all over again. HELP! what does that mean. we were living together, sleeping together every night, eating dinner together every night, etc....

so what now? do I ask to see her? how often to talk? do a date per week? what about flowers and stuff?
help! i need some advice. My go to default is to want it all 100% right now. That will only push her away.
Personally at first I'd ask to see her all the time, ring her, text her anything! That shows I'm making the effort especially as I messed up

Then depending on how she responds ( the volume of contact back and the time she wants to see you etc ) that will then dictate how I proceed with her....... In other words go at her own pace

She's only doing this to protect herself from getting hurt or whatever else you've done in the past.... The very best way to make things progress is to keep making the effort and going out of your way to see her but work around her schedule and what she wants...

The more and more she sees of you will increase her trust and will bring it back to how it was mate
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:38 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
13,475 posts, read 11,020,697 times
Reputation: 23956
Taking it slow? I believe, she meant marriage.
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:41 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,426 posts, read 35,707,564 times
Reputation: 38829
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdesey View Post

So she says she wants to go slow. Like we are starting all over again. HELP! what does that mean.
Means different things to different people. Talk to her. Ask her what you can do to make her happy.
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:41 PM
 
35 posts, read 15,066 times
Reputation: 22
I told her yesterday that I would marry her tomorrow! any time... immediately. She knows how badly I want that.
She still has the dress, and the ring. I am dying to give her the fairytale she dreams of. I would have us living togehter asap, but I must slow down. She is clear on that. the other posters are right. Take it at her speed, around her schedule.
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:44 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,690,833 times
Reputation: 12385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdesey View Post
I told her yesterday that I would marry her tomorrow! any time... immediately. She knows how badly I want that.
She still has the dress, and the ring. I am dying to give her the fairytale she dreams of. I would have us living togehter asap, but I must slow down. She is clear on that. the other posters are right. Take it at her speed, around her schedule.
Absolutely

All due respect here but as you've openly said " you messed up " then you've got no choice... It's either that or the highway
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:51 PM
 
35 posts, read 15,066 times
Reputation: 22
sure no problemo.... as soon as she WANTS to pout back on the ring, I will set the date. BUT actually I think she will want me to proposse to her again. BUT how the heck to I know when the time is right for that?
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Old 08-01-2016, 03:54 PM
 
Location: 🇬🇧 In jolly old London! 🇬🇧
15,672 posts, read 7,690,833 times
Reputation: 12385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jdesey View Post
sure no problemo.... as soon as she WANTS to pout back on the ring, I will set the date. BUT actually I think she will want me to proposse to her again. BUT how the heck to I know when the time is right for that?
Not until you are back at " 100% all in "..... And after a little while of being so

Then once the dust has settled I wouldn't at all be surprised if she brought the subject up
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Old 08-01-2016, 04:07 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,744,086 times
Reputation: 30558
Quote:
Originally Posted by jdesey View Post
sure no problemo.... as soon as she wants to pout back on the ring, i will set the date. but actually i think she will want me to proposse to her again. but how the heck to i know when the time is right for that?
slow. Down.
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