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Affairs are a betrayal of trust. In the end it's the betrayal because your trust is gone. Many people try to patch it up even after knowing they had sex but can't trust them again.
I think it's even hard for cheaters who try and get together because they know how they were able to lie and deceive.
There are different ways to betray a partner, and I think they are all really hurtful and damaging to a relationship. The two you ask about in your OP are, to me, equally damaging to a relationship. I would have difficulty moving past either of those. I would most likely feel more humiliated by a long affair, but a one-night-stand would make me wonder how many of those had taken place in the past. I'm not sure I've heard of a lot of people who really make the one "mistake" and never stray again.
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No one is going to be in a situation of having to choose. Why even ask?
...well, the cheated-on wouldn't get to choose...but it almost sounds like the OP is trying to figure out what they can more likely get away with if they had an affair.
Ooops...so sorry OP...I see you WERE the one cheated on. I do think it's one of those situations where whatever it is that you had to live through seems to be the worst, just because with something so terrible it's hard to imagine that anything could be worse.
Like when I got divorced the big comparison was, which is worse - your spouse dying or getting divorced? Or, is it "better" to have gotten divorced over something "big" like an affair or for "nothing" because they weren't even leaving you for someone else? You play terrible games with yourself, but it's all hard, no matter what it is.
A one night stand is giving your body away, an affair is giving your heart and your body away.
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...well, the cheated-on wouldn't get to choose...but it almost sounds like the OP is trying to figure out what they can more likely get away with if they had an affair.
NOT AT ALL ! I am single now that I kicked my mate to the curb for cheating on me .
Cheating is cheating, but I think the longer term affair is worse, the "one of" incident might be easier to swallow, IDK. Haven't been in either position, so just guessing here.
A one night stand is giving your body away, an affair is giving your heart and your body away.
It basically is no right or wrong. Just depends on people's priorities. Some think they're both dump-worthy and equal. Others will think the affair is better. And some think the ONS is better.
I was reading a story years ago with that. This person felt an emotional affair was the lesser evil.
Guy admits to SO that he slept with other people. He tries to make it seem better by saying they didn't mean anything. And his SO felt that was worse, that they'd be selfish enough to cast aside their partner's feelings all for quick sex with people he cared nothing about. So, their SO felt he hurt them, someone they claim to love, over people he had no feelings for. Then mentioned if it were at least someone he did care for, it'd be understandable to be torn between your love and loyalty to both parties.
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