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My partner and I are not married, but we do own our apartment together. Not being legally wed doesn't mean you can just "walk away" without deciding who gets what "stuff" (though I suspect who would get custody of the dog would be a bigger battle!)
The question has been answered on here many times in many different ways but it always boils down to:
"becuase it shows they care about our future together and will make them want to work on our problems instead of running at the first signs of trouble"
Taking the personal bias away towards marriage and boiling it down to easy to understand terms, this is what it's left at.
It offers a security blanket and a gesture of good will
Take it all for what you will personally.
This is a bit of a hard subject to actually discuss on this board since it very easily tips itself in to infraction/thread close territory once people come in adamant on telling the other how they should feel.
Last edited by rego00123; 08-18-2016 at 12:45 PM..
Really, you don't need a piece of paper or exchange "I do"s to be together and cohabitate. Common-law happens a lot more than you may think. Look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.
I've always lived alone, save for a brief relationship/marriage (she and I weren't compatible), and I'm not looking to relinquish solitary living. But if I find the right woman, who knows? I think I'd rather have her move in with me than the other way around.
In America marriage is a legal contract which allows you certain benefits such as:
"Tax Benefits of Marriage
Marital Tax Deduction
Unlimited marital tax deduction is the biggest tax benefit a married couple can receive, Blank Rome LLP matrimonial lawyer and partner Dylan S. Mitchell says. "You can transfer an unlimited amount of assets to your spouse at any time, free from tax. That also includes leaving assets in your estate to your spouse without estate or gift tax subjection."
And just to clarify, gift tax, as defined by the IRS, is a tax on the transfer of property by one individual to another while receiving nothing, or less than full value, in return. So, basically, a gift is giving property or money without expecting to receive equal value in return.
Filing Taxes Jointly
Getting married and filing taxes jointly may or may not help you. "With two high-earning individuals, you could end up paying more in taxes," Chemtob Moss & Forman LLP matrimonial lawyer and partner Susan M. Moss says. "If one spouse stays at home and the other has a high-paying job -- or just a job -- it benefits to file jointly."
If you file taxes separately, you could potentially miss out on those benefits, such as getting to deduct two exemption amounts from your income and qualifying for various tax credits.
Financial Benefits of Marriage
Social Security Benefits
If either you or your spouse don't qualify for your own Social Security benefits, you can receive the other spouse's benefits. The payoff isn't immediate, though -- you have to either be at least 62 years old or be any age but caring for a child who can receive benefits and is younger than 16 years old or disabled. You can also potentially receive Medicare, disability, veterans, military and pension plan benefits through your spouse.
(And although this is a bit of a buzzkill statement, knowledge is power. If your marriage ends but lasted at least 10 years, you may still be able to receive Social Security benefits on your former spouse's record. Aside from that, you'd also have entitlement to spousal support.)
Prenuptial Agreement Benefits
It's presumed under the law that when two people get married, they're creating an economic partnership, Aronson, Mayefsky & Sloan LLP matrimonial lawyer Alyssa A. Rower says. "If one person spends a substantial amount of time on career and [the] other spends it on raising children, we will compensate the non-monied spouse in a prenuptial agreement by dividing assets fairly between the spouses should the marriage end."
IRA Benefits
An Individual Retirement Account can be used a few ways in the course of a marriage, including rolling over a deceased spouse's IRA to your own, or you can contribute to a spousal IRA, which is an account that lets an employed spouse contribute to an unemployed spouse's retirement account. There's one caveat, though: You must file a joint tax return to do this.
Legal Benefits of Being Married
Legal Decision-Making Benefits
If you're married, you can have the status as next-of-kin for hospital visits, which grants you the ability to make medical decisions in the event your spouse becomes sick or disabled. "You also have the legal right to sue for wrongful death of a spouse and have decision-making power with respect to whether a deceased partner will be cremated or not and where to bury him or her," Schpoont & Cavallo LLP family and matrimonial lawyer and partner Sandra L. Schpoont says.
Inheritance Benefits
A spouse can inherit an entire estate without tax consequences. "If the couple is not married, there will be taxes," Rower says. And if there's no will, a spouse still has inheritance rights when the other spouse dies intestate -- meaning a person passed away without making a legal will.
Health and Employment Benefits to Being Married
Health Insurance Benefits
If you're married, you can usually get on your spouse's health insurance and get a family rate. This is helpful when one spouse may not have health insurance through their own employer or isn't currently employed.
Paternity Child Benefits
If any issues ever arise over the paternity of a child with a married couple, the married couple may have less of an issue. "If a child is born in New York state to a married couple, there's virtually no issue of paternity," Mitchell says.
Leave Benefits
Through your employer you can usually take a family leave if your spouse is sick, or bereavement leave if your spouse or someone in your spouse's immediate family passes away.
The Emotional Benefits of Marriage
While watching bridal TV shows or arriving home to stacks of RSVPs from friends and family is fun, there are many emotional benefits to being married. Beyond the material aspects of marriage, finding love has been linked to prolonging our lives, improving emotional stability and increasing the opportunity for a more positive psychological state of mind.
Longer Life
Research consistently shows that couples in a committed marriage even live longer than those who are single, cohabiting or divorced -- but why?
"To start, the emotional support that is possible in a marriage provides each partner with the feeling of being 'heard,'" licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist Shira Burstein says. "Particularly for men, being in a stable relationship allows men to break outside of gender expectations and roles. With statements that exist such as 'Men don't cry' or 'Men don't talk about feelings,' having a partner provides a safe space to be able to verbalize emotions, feelings and needs that may often go ignored or suppressed on a regular basis."
Less Chance of Developing Depression
Keeping thoughts and feelings to yourself can possibly lead to depression, anxiety and greater stress with the increase of ruminating, unyielding self-disparagement.
"Of course, no relationship is perfect, but a healthy, functioning marriage can provide stress and anxiety relief in many different forms: encouraging each other to strive for healthier goals (think: quitting binge drinking, eating healthier, going after that dream job), complimenting each other's positive qualities and celebrating each other's successes," Burstein says.
Increased Serotonin Levels (a Natural Antidepressant)
Another major mood booster is the more frequent exposure and release of serotonin and testosterone that married couples can experience. (Serotonin is a neurotransmitter created by the human body that's known to maintain mood balance and decrease depression, anxiety and anger.)
"Coming home from a long day of work and having that partner there for physical affection increases positive mood, sex drive and, ultimately, intimacy," Burstein says. "Despite the concern that having the same sex partner for the rest of your life means the possibility of sex becoming 'stale' and hot and heavy nights can become few and far between, a partner that is reliably reliable, available, supportive and dedicated in other ways extends overall happiness long-term for a married couple.""
On the flip side it is advised for a married couple , usually when they are old, to get divorced if one becomes so sick or incapacitated that their spouse may be left with nothing because of medical costs.
Also many older people do not get married because they will lose benefits from a previous marriage.
It's sad that our government made it this way. It really has nothing to do with love. You can pledge your eternal love to one another without the paper but the government won't recognize that in most states.
I will always believe that having married parents is best for children.
Yes and No. My dad was always there but never involved with his children. We would have been better off with just our mom raising us. He kept us in fear, no love ever.
Many are great single parents from the start and many end up that way. Many today's fathers are much more involved with their children vs the fathers from my childhood.
It's sad that our government made it this way. It really has nothing to do with love. You can pledge your eternal love to one another without the paper but the government won't recognize that on most states.
As one-half of a happily co-habitating couple, I can say that I don't give a rat's patootie about what the government thinks about my relationship status. So long as my right to live with whomever I want to live with is not abridged, what the government "recognizes" is really none of my concern.
Yes, you're right, when you consider the dollars and cents benefits and costs of marriage, it has nothing to do with love. Frankly, I'm quite happy with it being that way. The government is involved in enough stuff that I'd really be loathe to agree that they can also be the arbiter of what is "love" and "commitment".
As I mentioned earlier, my partner and I have done what we can, short of marriage, to take care of one another, in terms of making out living trusts, POAs, health care directives and the like. Certainly there are some things that would only come with having a legal marriage, but I personally accept that as part of the benefit of being married and the choice to do so.
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