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Old 08-22-2016, 09:16 AM
 
52 posts, read 38,186 times
Reputation: 45

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Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold View Post
Remember, 99% of what we worry about never happens.
But...IF she asks what took you so long, you can always say something like you were shy, didn't want to scare her away,or just laugh and give her a hug and tell her you're just foolish for having waited.
Point is, you don't need a prepared answer... you been seeing her for a long time and getting along OK
good points, thanks

i guess i'm just a little freaked out at the reduced communication lately so i'm harping on all the negatives. i suppose she could have shut me out completely and not agreed to see me again.

need to try to keep it light and not act like it's as big a deal as i feel it is.
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Old 08-22-2016, 04:51 PM
 
52 posts, read 38,186 times
Reputation: 45
a friend recommended this approach..

in a quiet moment alone, just look her in the eyes and ask "did i blow it with you?"

cuts to the chase and eliminates the need for me to babble. at least until after she says "you bet your ass you did"..
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Old 08-22-2016, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Polynesia
2,704 posts, read 1,825,889 times
Reputation: 4826
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonydouglas View Post
a friend recommended this approach..

in a quiet moment alone, just look her in the eyes and ask "did i blow it with you?"

cuts to the chase and eliminates the need for me to babble. at least until after she says "you bet your ass you did"..
What matters is how she feels about you in the here and now, after you let her know that you think of her as more than friends. Don't focus on your previous blunders, or bring them up.

Have you ever watched a cat jump across an area and miscalculate their landing? They immediately get up and prance away, acting like nothing happened and they are still hot stuff. Be a cat: Act as if only the coolest and smartest people wait months and months before making their move. Wow, what a lucky girl she is that you finally decided to pursue her! She must be something really special!

Last edited by Butterflyfish; 08-22-2016 at 08:13 PM..
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Old 08-23-2016, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
521 posts, read 519,731 times
Reputation: 483
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonydouglas View Post
now, for the last couple of weeks, things seem to have changed.. it seems like she's pulling away. the text frequency has dropped, and while i saw her last weekend (dinner at a bar, ice cream, movie and i STILL didn't do anything..), she "couldn't make it" when i asked if she wanted to get together this week. granted, she actually is going away, but it just doesn't feel good.. it's feeling like she could starting to move on. we've had a couple of good text exchanges lately, but it's not what it was.
Don't press her. If she's pulling away, that usually means the initial burst of excitement she felt for you has faded. That's only natural. Give her space and see if she texts you after she returns from her trip. If not, chalk it up to experience. Don't be that guy who sweats a woman who no longer has any interest in you.
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Old 08-25-2016, 09:37 AM
 
52 posts, read 38,186 times
Reputation: 45
so we had a chat the other night.. i brought up how it's obviously been different with us recently and i wanted to talk about why that might be. turns out that she has a lot of issues she's currently dealing with and broke down crying as she told me about them. she apologized for seeming withdrawn and assured me that it had nothing to do with me, and that she just wasn't herself right now, etc, etc. a turn i wasn't expecting..

so at that point, i didn't want to make it all about me but i did let her know that i had feelings for her, and that i want to be there for her (or something along those lines). she thanked me, told me that she does like spending time with me, wishes she was in a better place at the moment, and promised to "get over all of this soon". ok..

so at the end we had good long hug. i didn't think it was the right time to do anything else.. she was kind of a wreck. we said our goodnights and i left.

i decided that i wasn't going to contact her after that. i'd leave that up to her. things still seemed murky, but she didn't completely reject me. so it's still little confusing as to where "we" stand, but she clearly has some other things to work out. and maybe that's ok, for my own selfish reasons, since its jives with my tendency to move slow.

she did text me the next day, and was pretty chatty. however our talk never came up. that's fine, i wasn't going to press it right away, but i'll have to follow up on it soon. i suppose i'll just stay in the picture, play it by ear, and see what happens. i don't know if this is the time to push. i guess it's positive that she felt comfortable to open to me like she did, that said she liked seeing me and she made contact again soon after. maybe i end up just being the friend with a shoulder to cry on, or maybe it advances. either way, it's been a learning experience so far.
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Old 08-25-2016, 12:52 PM
 
Location: Jacksonville
2,822 posts, read 1,921,426 times
Reputation: 3074
Quote:
Originally Posted by tonydouglas View Post
so we had a chat the other night.. i brought up how it's obviously been different with us recently and i wanted to talk about why that might be. turns out that she has a lot of issues she's currently dealing with and broke down crying as she told me about them. she apologized for seeming withdrawn and assured me that it had nothing to do with me, and that she just wasn't herself right now, etc, etc. a turn i wasn't expecting..

so at that point, i didn't want to make it all about me but i did let her know that i had feelings for her, and that i want to be there for her (or something along those lines). she thanked me, told me that she does like spending time with me, wishes she was in a better place at the moment, and promised to "get over all of this soon". ok..

so at the end we had good long hug. i didn't think it was the right time to do anything else.. she was kind of a wreck. we said our goodnights and i left.

i decided that i wasn't going to contact her after that. i'd leave that up to her. things still seemed murky, but she didn't completely reject me. so it's still little confusing as to where "we" stand, but she clearly has some other things to work out. and maybe that's ok, for my own selfish reasons, since its jives with my tendency to move slow.

she did text me the next day, and was pretty chatty. however our talk never came up. that's fine, i wasn't going to press it right away, but i'll have to follow up on it soon. i suppose i'll just stay in the picture, play it by ear, and see what happens. i don't know if this is the time to push. i guess it's positive that she felt comfortable to open to me like she did, that said she liked seeing me and she made contact again soon after. maybe i end up just being the friend with a shoulder to cry on, or maybe it advances. either way, it's been a learning experience so far.
Just let her contact you from now on. I'd ask her if she's free for a date in the next couple weeks. I don't mean to ask right now, but in a couple weeks time.

Personally, I wouldn't allow myself to be her shoulder to cry on. Not if I liked her and she didn't like me back.
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