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This is my first post and I would appreciate some honest help. I am divorced and have been seeing a man exclusively for 19 months. We are both over 50, so we aren't kids. My BF and I decided to date just each other after about 2 months of dating. Last weekend I found out that at our 6 month mark of dating my BF was seeing someone else without talking to me. I found this out through a mutual friend. My BF said it was no big deal, that they were friends and nothing more. But I know about his male friends, he never,mentioned this female friend. This was a year ago and he has apologized about seeing her without telling me. I am still really hurt. Do I let ty his go? Part of me wants to break it off with him. I feel confused.
Same advice applies to all of these various threads asking about cheating partners and bad feelings about the 'relationship':
move on girl
There's nothing to be confused about. You want to live the rest of your life being with a man who will most likely continue to lie and do things behind your back?
Up to you, I'm sure you won't give up so easily, but, move on girl, far, far away.
If it's eating you up a year later, then it was probably a deal breaker. I doubt you can continue the relationship if you're still dwelling over it so much you felt compelled to ask advice from strangers. What's done is done, and nothing can be changed.
Do you even know if he legitimately cheated on you? No offense with this next comment, but both of you are old enough now to be secure with your friendships and your selves that most things shouldn't be hidden. Did he purposely hide the fact he was hanging out with her or did you just not ask? There's a huge difference.
^
That sounds horrible but imagine someone saying it in a nice tone that's helpful and caring, not a condescending tone.
Last edited by MigratingCoconut; 08-21-2016 at 08:32 PM..
Reason: Added sympathetic emphasis
He did not tell me he was seeing this friend at the time and never mentioned it. I found out by accident. If she was truly just a friend I think I should have known about her
This is my first post and I would appreciate some honest help. I am divorced and have been seeing a man exclusively for 19 months. We are both over 50, so we aren't kids. My BF and I decided to date just each other after about 2 months of dating. Last weekend I found out that at our 6 month mark of dating my BF was seeing someone else without talking to me. I found this out through a mutual friend. My BF said it was no big deal, that they were friends and nothing more. But I know about his male friends, he never,mentioned this female friend. This was a year ago and he has apologized about seeing her without telling me. I am still really hurt. Do I let ty his go? Part of me wants to break it off with him. I feel confused.
Since you are both in your 50's and are not "kids" as you've said you should do some thinking here. Is this something that really rises to the level of dumpling the guy. Is this guy a good man, is he a good decent dude and just made a mistake here? Is he a man of character??? Is this something that you wanna fight about? Is this a deal breaker?
These are all questions that only you know. I wish you the best and hope that a good decision finds you.
Since you are both in your 50's and are not "kids" as you've said you should do some thinking here. Is this something that really rises to the level of dumpling the guy. Is this guy a good man, is he a good decent dude and just made a mistake here? Is he a man of character??? Is this something that you wanna fight about? Is this a deal breaker?
These are all questions that only you know. I wish you the best and hope that a good decision finds you.
Thank you. You are right. You put it in perspective.
Maybe. I have zero tolerance for that any more. It may be a negative number.
I got really tired of hearing the sad excuse that the lunch a co-worker, convention travel partner, college buddy were women but I couldn't be told because I would "get mad" and be jealous. Projecting much? Hiding anything?
If you're still really hurt, it's a problem. Trying to let it go isn't letting it go. Sometimes I can let things go, and other times I can't.
It's been a year and this is still bothering you.
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