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I never said it should be a deal breaker for someone to give someone their real name. Not sure where you're getting that from. I certainly wouldn't give out anything but my real name, but I can't recall anyone asking my last name before dating either. That would be odd.
I got it from the answer you gave. Maybe you were referring to a background check bring a 'deal breaker' not my expecting their real name to be a 'deal breaker'. Maybe there's a difference, I don't say: 'I will now check for assault by strangulation and get back to you'. (Which IS something I've found in a criminal history.)
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,720,801 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratherbcrazycatlady
I got it from the answer you gave. Maybe you were referring to a background check bring a 'deal breaker' not my expecting their real name to be a 'deal breaker'. Maybe there's a difference, I don't say: 'I will now check for assault by strangulation and get back to you'. (Which IS something I've found in a criminal history.)
Yes, I meant if I found out a background check was done, it would be a deal breaker. If they looked at my linkedin because they knew my first name and job and figured it out or googled me because of some of my projects, that's of course fine. I assume someday I might be asked for a last name before meeting? It would catch me off guard, but I'll deal with it when the time comes.
You don't answer questions you aren't comfortable with, or you can keep them private. Lots of people keep the answers to sex question private so people can't see the answers, and it is still used by the matching algorithm. Or, they can just not answer them. And the weighting system for your answers is what mitigates vague questions. If you answer someone as unimportant (lets say costumes) it doesn't count in the algorithm, if you weight something as critical, say smoking for example, it is weighted very heavily... and there is everything in between.
Oh! I didn't understand that, I was wondering WTH I'd give strangers that information for!
Thanks for your help, sorry I blew up.
Yes, I meant if I found out a background check was done, it would be a deal breaker. If they looked at my linkedin because they knew my first name and job and figured it out or googled me because of some of my projects, that's of course fine. I assume someday I might be asked for a last name before meeting? It would catch me off guard, but I'll deal with it when the time comes.
You would react that way maybe because you don't have anything to hide and are insulted by the very idea.
But rethink whether or not it should be a deal breaker when you remember that some people do and no way of knowing if you're one of them
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,720,801 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by ratherbcrazycatlady
Oh! I didn't understand that, I was wondering WTH I'd give strangers that information for!
Thanks for your help, sorry I blew up.
Yeah, I think lots of people don't understand that. Of course, the weighting system is critical. Like everything, tools only work if they're used correctly, and I think OKC could do a better job of explaining their tools, honestly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
You would react that way maybe because you don't have anything to hide and are insulted by the very idea.
But rethink whether or not it should be a deal breaker when you remember that some people do and no way of knowing if you're one of them
Fair enough. Personally I would want someone to talk to me and make their own judgments based on their instincts. Of course, people that live their lives over cautiously or ones that don't trust their judgement aren't generally good matches for me, despite probably being good people.
Yeah, I think lots of people don't understand that. Of course, the weighting system is critical. Like everything, tools only work if they're used correctly, and I think OKC could do a better job of explaining their tools, honestly.
Fair enough. Personally I would want someone to talk to me and make their own judgments based on their instincts. Of course, people that live their lives over cautiously or ones that don't trust their judgement aren't generally good matches for me, despite probably being good people.
That could very well be the type of person the man in the article was.
He obviously went by his instincts and went for a second date.
I find the questions for ones "algorithm" criteria on OKC, to be too sexual and vague. "You would wear a costume if asked? Would you consider anal sex? Is any history of homosexuality a deal breaker? Which statement describes your ability to orgasm: anyway the wind blows, or..."
I found out immediately that it's best for me NOT to answer those questions, unless I'm sending out an open invitation for every creep on there to start a conversation on my ability to orgasm?!? Can we talk about favorite band or food first?
I wasn't bothered by those questions. I had a profile on a few different occasions, and the last I answered over 1400 questions. I think sexual compatibility, on a base level, is important. If dudes want to ask if I like butt plugs and want to be a Domme, fine. Heck, I even answered with something cheeky on many occasions, so it wasn't a huge deal for me.
I actually received far more messages in this vein when I was on PoF. The people I was matched with on OKC used the answers to these questions to gauge compatibility, not to be sleazy assclowns.
Quote:
The same people who recommend this site think those needing to know a person's real name are paranoid and looking for too much information!?! But they should tell you about their favorite sex position?!
Too funny
Who said this? Certainly not myself or Timber. My husband's name was in his username, and past boyfriends, in their initial messages or within moments of exchanging IMs.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,940 posts, read 36,720,801 times
Reputation: 40634
Quote:
Originally Posted by old_cold
That could very well be the type of person the man in the article was.
He obviously went by his instincts and went for a second date.
Obviously they weren't good instincts, IF, that was the case. But show me a person with habitually poor instincts, and I'll show you someone whose life is a mess. Don't date people whose life appears to be a mess. Simple!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Metaphysique
Who said this? Certainly not myself or Timber. My husband's name was in his username, and past boyfriends, in their initial messages or within moments of exchanging IMs.
Oh I did. I never recall being asked for a last name prior to meeting someone (first name, of course), I certainly didn't ask. If they knew it was because they put my job and first name together and saw my linked, or they googled some of my projects... but I didn't know if they did that.
Fair enough. Personally I would want someone to talk to me and make their own judgments based on their instincts. Of course, people that live their lives over cautiously or ones that don't trust their judgement aren't generally good matches for me, despite probably being good people.
I'm the same mate and to be honest I'd be borderline infuriated if she done a background check on me...... Not so much if she saw my profile as I'm a complete stranger but if we had met and even went out a few times.
The reasons you've said ^^^^ rings very true, also I put great faith in being a " what you see is what you get " type of bloke, very much an open book and welcoming.
If she doesn't want to take me by face value because she is too suspicious or cautious then that's not for me at all and it would play on my mind if honest.
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