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About three years ago, when I first started dating my gf, I had a FWB from before the relationship. The FWB called me to catch up on things and see how things were going. She got flurty, and talked about some sexual stuff, that happened between us before and I made some jokes about it out of laughs. My gf got mad at me for doing so, and we had a fight over it. It was wrong of me to do that though, and after I figured that out, I cut the former FWB out of my life, and haven't spoken to her since. I felt terrible for what I did and glad that I learned a hard lesson. Me and my gf have been dating and happy since, I am glad I cut the former FWB out for her. I like doing this like that for her.
However, three years later now, she told that back then, when that happened she was so upset, that she went back to a guy she use to do date, who she was still friends with. She was upset and while crying she allowed the guy to begin to have sex with her, and, but after he put his penis in, as she worded it, she then pushed him out and left. She said she thought we were over, cause of how I joked about my relationship with my former FWB, while talking to her on the phone, and because she thought it was over, she allowed herself to be slightly taken by another man for a brief moment.
I was really hurt that she waited three years to tell me this though. Maybe if it was back then, at that time, I would have understood and accepted it more. But I feel bad accepting it now. I mean she invited the guy to her last birthday, as a friend and I talked to him all night as we were all hanging out. And now I find out that he started to have sex with her for a brief moment, and I didn't know about it all this time.
But maybe this is my fault. What I did was wrong, and perhaps she doing what she did, and not telling me till now, was a justified punishment for what I did. If so, then that is the lesson I learned. I was just wondering what other people thought of the situation, that's all. What do you think out of curiosity?
Thanks for the input. I really appreciate it.
She cheated on you for something juvenile you did but at least you didn't cheat on her.
Not only that but she waited 3 years to confess. Holding back information for that long is the same thing as a lie.
So she cheated on you and lied to you----this is a clear indication she's not trustworthy and not worth your time. Break up with her if you have any sense of pride and half a brain.
Well I am just confused on how to feel about it since people have been giving me different opinions. Not just how I feel about the relationship in this thread, but the one before which some may remember. But in this thread, here are some opinions, which are very different:
Quote:
Originally Posted by bg7
You were an ass and did something entirely inappropriate (when you were sane, apparently), and then she went off hurt and did something even more inappropriate. You both screwed up, and no you don't get off the hook by trying to diminish what you did. ("Well what she did was more wrong than what I did. First")
Just move on and be a bit more honest with yourself next time (despite the enablers here)
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
There is no *slightly taken* when it comes to sex.
When one penis is inserted into one vagina it is *taken* no matter how brief the take was.
Your girlfriend got jealous over a few jokes and a telephone call so she immediately went and sought comfort from another man in person, not on the phone.
She found that comfort by having sex.
It is that simple.
So, why is it that your girlfriend can have a male friend and invite him to her birthday party but you cannot have a female friend that you only talked to on the phone?
It amazes me when one will drop a friend because a partner gets jealous over nothing.
PS ~~ Unless your girlfriend is your Mother (Father, guardian, etc) and you are 7 there is no *justified punishment*
IF you are a mature adult which appears to be questionable from the behavior by you and your girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Londoncowboy30
Assuming I've read this right......You've done absolutely nothing wrong!!!!.... All you've done is politely joke back to a few texts that you got out of the blue and she gets naked with an ex in retaliation!!!.
That's shocking.....I'm sorry but insecurity like that is not worth my time and she would be gone in a heartbeat...
End of the day it doesn't matter if she says she didn't go through with it.... You have to build up to POV so the intent is still there mate....
I'm sorry this has happened
Quote:
Originally Posted by Haksel257
It is a little funny that she brought it up NOW, but don't write it off as 100% suspicious.
The guilt could've been eating at her all along. Sometimes memories pop back into your head, maybe she just now recalled the incident, or something triggered it. Maybe she's looking to develop the relationship further, and is looking to rebuild trust and openness with you.
I say forgive her. It was three years ago, and she finally worked up the courage to fess up. Some people may disagree, but the way she cheated on you for being jealous towards your ex-FWB in a storm of emotion, it sounds like she cares about you. Even though her actions were stupid and childish. Hopefully she's more mature now. Maybe her confession is a sign of that.
If you decide to forgive her, don't completely tear her up on it. But do tell her that it's unacceptable to hurt you that way again. Stop looking for forum advice and man up. Tell her unabashedly how you feel, set your boundaries, and decide whether or not to keep her around. For yourself.
Quote:
She cheated on you for something juvenile you did but at least you didn't cheat on her.
Not only that but she waited 3 years to confess. Holding back information for that long is the same thing as a lie.
So she cheated on you and lied to you----this is a clear indication she's not trustworthy and not worth your time. Break up with her if you have any sense of pride and half a brain.
So I don't know if I brought all of this on myself, or if she overreacted now. And yes, she stopped seeing that guy friend a while ago, and she said that this is why, cause she came to terms that it was inappropriate, felt guilty about cheating and wanted to get it off her chest.
you were wrong in flirting with the ex FWB.
Your gf was wrong in having "almost" (??) sex.
She was wrong in telling you 3 years later.
I would let go. It has been 3 years and if everything else is fine, I would try to let go. She should have told you back then or not at all.
I disagree. If she hid this from him for 3 years, who knows what else she's hiding. THINGS may seem that they're fine, but behind is back, she could be a master deceiver. Where there's smoke, there's fire. I don't think he should turn a blind eye because everything else APPEARS to be fine.
Well I am just confused on how to feel about it since people have been giving me different opinions. Not just how I feel about the relationship in this thread, but the one before which some may remember. But in this thread, here are some opinions, which are very different:
So I don't know if I brought all of this on myself, or if she overreacted now.
It's not your fault. She decided to have "half sex" with someone else. I'm ASSUMING you guys were adults 3 years ago, and part of being an adult is to be held accountable for your actions and decisions. Some people called you an ass because they probably were hurt the same way. While you were guilty by flirting with this FWB girl, your girlfriend shouldn't have latched on another guy's penis. I sent you a PM, OP. I hope you check it. I hope you read it and gives you a different perspective.
I disagree. If she hid this from him for 3 years, who knows what else she's hiding. THINGS may seem that they're fine, but behind is back, she could be a master deceiver. Where there's smoke, there's fire. I don't think he should turn a blind eye because everything else APPEARS to be fine.
you might be right. But maybe not.
Maybe her conscious was killing her and she just had to confess.
Sometimes you don't see smoke but there is a huge fire. She could have been banging tons of other guys and never mention it.
Have to wonder if the other guy had something to do with it? Maybe threatening to tell the OP if the girlfriend doesn't? Maybe asking for a repeat?
It just seems really random for the confession to come three years after the fact. That is some kind of slow guilt, if true.
The OP has been discussing marriage with her, It's entirely possible that she wanted to come clean, so as to start the engagement process with a clear conscience.
The OP has been discussing marriage with her, It's entirely possible that she wanted to come clean, so as to start the engagement process with a clear conscience.
That's a much more positive outlook than what went through my mind.
I'd just have a very difficult time getting past the three year part.
OP, YOU did not cheat. You weren't emotionally attached to your former FWB other than friendship. Your gf physically cheated on you. I would not forgive such a transgression, and it was motivated because she was angry. So, any time she gets angry, she could cheat on you? Unacceptable.
I suggest breaking up with her, as I doubt that she can ever be fully trusted in the future. Besides, cheating is NEVER deserved. Discussing issues and working them out is the only mature way to deal with issues or perceived issues.
Maybe her conscious was killing her and she just had to confess.
Sometimes you don't see smoke but there is a huge fire. She could have been banging tons of other guys and never mention it.
You never know.
Good point, Eve. I advised the OP to do some investigating before he makes a decision.
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