Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The 'naysayers' here actually speak from life experiences. We don't sugarcoat things.
Sad to see the OP continue to be blinded by this situation.
That text doesn't prove anything. In fact, it's just as vague as the one before it.
Notice she didn't answer the OP's question. She didn't even make the effort to return his calls. Just like her last text, a vague we have to catch up soon. If she really wanted to see him, she'd have said, OK, let's set this Saturday for dinner, or similar.
But nope, she'd rather send a text with nothing concrete.
And sadly, the OP will continue to text and call her nonstop in the desperate attempt to get her on another date.
Guys, do not do any of this. Reread my posts on this thread and learn how to do things right.
And sadly, the OP will continue to text and call her nonstop in the desperate attempt to get her on another date.
What? I have no intention of harassing her with unwanted contact. The ball is in her court. I'm not as desperate at some members have made me out to be. All I've wanted is clarity. And I'll get it eventually.
This was my last text to her : "I'm not sure what 'let's catch up' means. But, let me know when you have some free time and I'll make it work. Unless you aren't interested in continuing dating, in which case I'd prefer you just tell me that."
I think that's pretty clear on my part and doesn't leave her any room for a flaky response.
I am 10 years older than you and in your shoes. OLD sucks. Rule number one. If you think you are being ignored, you probably are. Don't chase them. I am sure there are some normal women out there online, but i never found one. Some of these gals use OLD for their entertainment and to get meals and socialize and are not looking for a relationship. Some are running a string of guys searching for 'the right one' to come along. I met a smoking hot gal who admitted to keeping 3 or 4 guys running at all times. Claimed in four years she had sex with around 100 guys. Ewwww.
OLD isn't for me. Grocery store works best for me. Single women love to help a guy who is 'lost' in the grocery store. My best pickup spot other than work. Don't put too much effort into it and when you least expect it, one will come along.
Hey everyone. Thanks for all the replies. I have read every one of them. I just wanted to address the people who think I blew her off. I can't understand how, after expressing clearly to her that I'm interested and then leaving the ball in her court, that could be construed as 'blowing her off.' Planning around our work schedules has been tricky and we both made an effort to make it happen 4 times. Then...she just stopped trying.
I called her last night because certain posters were so insistent that it was what I needed to do(yeah, I'm that lost.) She hasn't responded and I don't expect her to. So I'm moving on. I'm disappointed because, by my estimation, we really liked each other. But I was wrong in that it wasn't mutual.
I still don't like the idea of making a move(kissing, touching) so early on in the dating process. It's just not who I am. If that's what women want, then perhaps, as another poster suggested, I should just relegate myself to being single for the rest of my life.
This dating landscape is not one that I'm navigating well right now. I think the primary problem is that I'm misreading the intentions of my dates. I've always considered myself a fairly insightful and observant person. So when I think a woman likes me and it turns out she doesn't, I'm left feeling really inadequate in this new dating world.
But, as one poster pointed out, it ain't rocket science. And it likely isn't. I just haven't found a good match yet, whatever that is. Right now I feel like backing off from dating because, honestly, I'm a little bummed about K not wanting to continue things with me. I need to do some introspection about why I set myself up for failure.
Thanks everyone.
You are not inadequate. You are just a little rusty and aren't seeing clearly that these women who aren't interested in you are simply just not a good match for you. It takes time and practice to get back in the saddle again.
Take a break if it's getting you down (that's a good idea). Just keep in mind that just because one woman or a dozen don't see you as a good match, they don't dislike you. No more than you'd dislike a woman you aren't romantically interested in. And it also doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It's just you aren't right for them and vice versa. But you most likely will be the right match for someone. It's just harder to find that someone the older you are. Good luck!
STOP THE PRESS: She just texted me and this is what she said "Hi there! Sorry I missed you yesterday..my week has been out of wack with extra workdays and training today. We'll have to catch up soon! Hope you have a good day "
I don't even know how to respond to this. In my text yesterday I offered to take a day off work a go see her. Seems she's still keeping me at an arms length.
She does have an oddly ambiguous way of communicating. I can see how that's not encouraging. OTOH, you can see how easy it is to hit the panic or the defeat button, and give up just because she's having a busy day. Keep that in mind.
At this point, it may seem like you're having to work too hard just to get a text from her, let alone an actual date. But that's because you two have opposite schedules, right? So you knew it would be challenging from the outset. So I suggest you stick with it a bit more, and get some actual face time out of her, so that you can discuss and get some clarity. Your last message to her was very appropriate; it's now up to her to respond to that, and tell you if she's still in the game.
I think that once you're interacting with her in person, you'll see that much of the angst and confusion is due to the lack of communication causing you to live in your head, if you know what I mean. (Assuming she is still interested.) I think that's pretty common in the initial stages of getting to know someone. Be patient, and give it one more shot, one more date, to see where things really stand, instead of playing a text-based guessing game.
I think she's been single a long time and so is used to being wrapped up in work and other busy-ness, so she could be unaccustomed to making time for someone else. It sounds like her job is demanding. If she decides at some point that there's some serious relationship potential happening, she'll have to find a way to deal with the job demands, and learn some time management or downshift at work. Obviously, I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt until we hav more info, unlike some of the other posters. Hopefully her response to your last message will give us a better read of where she's at with this.
What? I have no intention of harassing her with unwanted contact. The ball is in her court. I'm not as desperate at some members have made me out to be. All I've wanted is clarity. And I'll get it eventually.
This was my last text to her : "I'm not sure what 'let's catch up' means. But, let me know when you have some free time and I'll make it work. Unless you aren't interested in continuing dating, in which case I'd prefer you just tell me that."
I think that's pretty clear on my part and doesn't leave her any room for a flaky response.
Just caught up with your other responses. It's good to hear she contacted you.
I think you are smart to leave your options open and that you put the ball in her court. I'd say let her lead a little now. Don't play games of course, but let her set up the next date. If she's interested, she will ask. Keep in mind she might move slowly, it sounds like she does anyway. Also, don't put all your hope in this one woman. You aren't in a committed relationship yet, so keep dating around until something forms into a more solid relationship.
Also, don't put all your hope in this one woman. You aren't in a committed relationship yet, so keep dating around until something forms into a more solid relationship.
Thanks for the reply. The idea of continuing to date other women is rather unappealing. Dating is exhausting, at least it has been so far. Too much of my mental energy goes into it. I'm not OLD to get laid or have a casual relationship. I'm looking for a real partner. Dating just feels like an interview process, so impersonal and forced. It makes me anxious. I've tried to be very picky with who I meet in person because I just don't want to interact with people who are incompatible. There's a lot of party girls around here and flaky types. I spend enough time with those kind of people at work. Right now I'm on the fence about whether I want to continue OLD or just relax and do it the old fashioned way.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocky_Raccoon
Thanks for the reply. The idea of continuing to date other women is rather unappealing. Dating is exhausting, at least it has been so far. Too much of my mental energy goes into it. I'm not OLD to get laid or have a casual relationship. I'm looking for a real partner. Dating just feels like an interview process, so impersonal and forced. It makes me anxious. I've tried to be very picky with who I meet in person because I just don't want to interact with people who are incompatible. There's a lot of party girls around here and flaky types. I spend enough time with those kind of people at work. Right now I'm on the fence about whether I want to continue OLD or just relax and do it the old fashioned way.
Maybe you should stick to the old fashioned way if you don't find meeting new people and having conversations enjoyable, honestly. Double down on that if you find meeting someone that you're not compatible with really that scary or draining.
It sounds like you're investing a lot mentally and even emotionally in potential when you don't even really know a person, that's not a good recipe for success. Dating is just spending time with someone and having fun together... Keeping cool and meeting people, chatting, laughing and if there is chemistry on both sides, nature takes its course. If not, move on, is generally what people I know that like it do. You might meet one person and have that happen (I know one person that married her first OKC date), or a score before there are sparks.
Thanks for the reply. The idea of continuing to date other women is rather unappealing. Dating is exhausting, at least it has been so far. Too much of my mental energy goes into it. I'm not OLD to get laid or have a casual relationship. I'm looking for a real partner. Dating just feels like an interview process, so impersonal and forced. It makes me anxious. I've tried to be very picky with who I meet in person because I just don't want to interact with people who are incompatible. There's a lot of party girls around here and flaky types. I spend enough time with those kind of people at work. Right now I'm on the fence about whether I want to continue OLD or just relax and do it the old fashioned way.
You could do both. That way, you wouldn't be hanging your hopes on one venue or one interaction with someone. It doesn't have to be complicated. Just make an effort to get out into the community, pick a couple of activities that bring you into contact with women (swing or salsa dance lessons/evenings, volunteering, cooking classes, meetups, whatever appeals to you), and see if over time, someone crosses your path who sparks your interest. It won't happen right away, most likely, so it's not like you'll suddenly find yourself juggling women. But circulating in your own community and dealing with people face to face on a regular basis can have a pleasant grounding effect.
The idea of continuing to date other women is rather unappealing. Dating is exhausting, at least it has been so far.
Rocky, IMO you are getting burned out...which happens.
One of the best things I've learned to do, is take a break from it. It's exhausting weather it's going well or not. It does require a lot of mental energy and if you're not having an upbeat attitude it's a waste of time. You'd be better off using the "down time" researching how to up your game or doing something else important to you. Then, come back into it when you have some energy and a carefree attitude.
All of the advice you're getting from Suburban and Timber is absolutely spot on BTW.
Last edited by Luck-67; 08-24-2016 at 12:55 PM..
Reason: I'm my own grammar Nazi
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
" 
