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It's easier to feel sorry for yourself...especially when you feel you have failed yourself.
People will always take the path of least resistance when they expect failure.
Some people will never allow themselves to grow out of this stage since its failure that they fear and the expectation and feelings associated with said fear will always keep them from ultimately giving their worth to anyone or situation.
... and grumpy old women, too. There are some seriously brittle, jaded women here, too, to be fair.
I don't know how feasible that would be, but you have a point, some of the "obstacles" 20-somethings obsess about floor me. One example, the texting anguish, omg... lol
Yeah, think about it and observe. The regulars on this forum are stuck in the 80s era dating mindset with fairly homogenious subgroups of participants in the dating and relationship pool. So much of the advice sounds the same and anyone suggesting or contracting that line of thought is marginalized. For example, IMHO for the younger crowd, "dating" (if you can call it that) has taken on a much more freelance ("just passin' thru!") approach then the aged courting expectations (e.g., if you ask someone out on a "date", you don't get it). And then you have the have's and have not's in sexual and "romantic" relationships. I use to doubt the application of the Pareto Principle to heterosexual relationships but not any longer. Meaning, 80% of women are gravitating toward 20% of men.... and vice versa.
Last edited by periklees; 09-05-2016 at 01:38 AM..
Maybe it's just something you get or don't. The older people here who have been in tons of relationships, or are married won't see a big deal about it because it's a way of life for them. Used to being married, or dating anyone you wanted. But for someone who struggles, wants to date someone they are crazy about, but can't seem to get it, find it a much bigger deal and something they focus on a good bit. Some can't get past the 1st part of mutual physical attraction. lol
An example from a show. King of Queens. Carrie is the hot one, and Doug is the plain one. A woman finds him attractive and his ego shoots through the roof, and he's on cloud 9. Carrie thinks he's acting stupid, and mentions how she gets checked out and groped all the time and doesn't act that way. And it's like he told her, it's no big deal to her because it happens all the time.
Sometimes we make a huge deal out of things we hardly ever get -but desire. A hot woman could go out and have a good few attractive men hit on her or wanna go out with her. No big deal. Happens all the time. They're used to being put on a pedestal. The plain woman who rarely gets any attention may grin from ear to ear and be happy for a few days if a guy at least gives her a compliment. Or how some on this very forum are with less than good people, but stick it out because the sex is too good to forfeit, or the person is "out of their league" they feel, thus they should grab on and hold on tight.
Now not the case for everyone. But those making a big deal out of it, it is a big deal to them -because it hasn't happened enough to become an uninteresting way of life.
Last edited by HappyRain; 09-05-2016 at 02:55 AM..
Maybe it's just something you get or don't. The older people here who have been in tons of relationships, or are married won't see a big deal about it because it's a way of life for them. Used to being married, or dating anyone you wanted. But for someone who struggles, wants to date someone they are crazy about, but can't seem to get it, find it a much bigger deal and something they focus on a good bit.
Some will tend to focus on things they crave, but can't seem to get. And those who have those things are used to it, so it's old news.
Someone mentioned it in a very nice post. but it was so long ago, I forget the thread. but they mention how most of the people saying get over it, or dismissing it as not serious are people who are already married, or have been in successful relationships with partners they wanted for years. So them saying it seems like the equivalent of a rich person telling a poor person than money isn't special, or a big deal. It is a big deal to those that aren't used to it. or crave it, but haven't had said craving satisfied yet.
Another example from a show. King of Queens. Carrie is the hot one, and Doug is the plain one. A woman finds him attractive and his ego shoots through the roof, and he's on cloud 9. Carrie thinks he's acting stupid, and mentions how she gets checked out and groped all the time and doesn't act that way. And it's like he told her, it's no big deal to her because she knows she's hot and gets favorable attention all the time, meanwhile he never does, which makes it a bigger deal to him.
Sometimes we make a huge deal out of things we hardly ever get. Now not the case for everyone. But those making a big deal out of it, it is a big deal to them, because it hasn't happened enough to become an uninteresting way of life.
I get what you're saying. But, as an "older" person posting on this forum, so many of the threads are just laughable. I'm not talking about "real" problems/questions younger people are posting about, but the very many troll, ridiculous brain-dead "problem" threads. I rarely see one that looks like it's legitimate. Romantic love is pretty basic. I don't really think it's changed much over time. If someone likes you, they like you, and you can tell.
Also, it's just how life works that young adults will struggle to find their way in the world, including dating, etc., but when they post and complain here, year after year, it becomes clear that there is something else going on that is the source of the problem, something that the rest of us members have no way of identifying and, further, no way of solving.
As a side note, you seem like a very nice person, Vanilla, and I wish you the best of luck.
Yeah, think about it and observe. The regulars on this forum are stuck in the 80s era dating mindset with fairly homogenious subgroups of participants in the dating and relationship pool. So much of the advice sounds the same and anyone suggesting or contracting that line of thought is marginalized.
Can you elaborate? I find contributors of all ages being aware of current "dating" trends and issues, but I think it's an interesting concept-- if you have some specific examples.
Thanks!
Can you elaborate? I find contributors of all ages being aware of current "dating" trends and issues, but I think it's an interesting concept-- if you have some specific examples.
Thanks!
COMPARE:
Quote:
Originally Posted by VanillaChocolate
Maybe it's just something you get or don't. The older people here who have been in tons of relationships, or are married won't see a big deal about it because it's a way of life for them....
An example from a show. King of Queens. Carrie is the hot one, and Doug is the plain one. A woman finds him attractive and his ego shoots through the roof, and he's on cloud 9. Carrie thinks he's acting stupid, and mentions how she gets checked out and groped all the time and doesn't act that way. And it's like he told her, it's no big deal to her because it happens all the time.
TO:
Quote:
“There is no dating. There’s no relationships,” says Amanda, the tall elegant one. “They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ [Hooking up] is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.”
Which is more reflective of current "dating" trends and issues? The "you either get it or dont' get it" dating crowd, or the "dating doesn't exist anymore" group?
Last edited by periklees; 09-05-2016 at 09:54 AM..
Compare:
“There is no dating. There’s no relationships,” says Amanda, the tall elegant one. “They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ [Hooking up] is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.” (from link below)
Thanks. I meant CD-R specific. I don't see examples of a ageism by regulars, some of the regulars were born in the 80s or 90s...
You're providing a statement that people agree with whether they're 20 or 50, IE: all of the "I'm almost 30 and not married or have kids" blather isn't being perpetuated by "older" people. They may have been there, done that-- and want the same thing again, or nothing like it ever again. Individual expectations unrelated to age. IMO
“There is no dating. There’s no relationships,” says Amanda, the tall elegant one. “They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ [Hooking up] is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.”
This is text book attachment disorder, and it's pretty common these days. To continue an ongoing sexually intimate relationship with someone who you never emotionally attach to is pathological and unhealthy.
Sorry, I don't fully understand your response and also seems to misinterpret my prior comments. Anyway, I think I made my point even though you may think otherwise, which is ok.
Yeah, think about it and observe. The regulars on this forum are stuck in the 80s era dating mindset with fairly homogenious subgroups of participants in the dating and relationship pool. So much of the advice sounds the same and anyone suggesting or contracting that line of thought is marginalized. For example, IMHO for the younger crowd, "dating" (if you can call it that) has taken on a much more freelance ("just passin' thru!") approach then the aged courting expectations (e.g., if you ask someone out on a "date", you don't get it). And then you have the have's and have not's in sexual and "romantic" relationships. I use to doubt the application of the Pareto Principle to heterosexual relationships but not any longer. Meaning, 80% of women are gravitating toward 20% of men.... and vice versa.
Quote:
Originally Posted by periklees
Sorry, I don't fully understand your response and also seems to misinterpret my prior comments. Anyway, I think I made my point even though you may think otherwise, which is ok.
I was responding to the bolded, I don't think it's age specific, anyone who's single and having relationships takes their personal choices and experiences into that world with them. As shown by the advice given here. From all ages.
If you proved your point with a vanity fair article on 20 somethings and random sex, then no I don't think we're on the same page, but yes this is ok, with me as well.
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