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Sorry to be blunt, but having two kids with a boyfriend is flaky behavior. It is not something most men would take on, unless they are somehow defective themselves.
Since you seem to have a bad "man picker", you really need to just focus on being by yourself, lest you pick another loser and make your situation worse.
Exactly.
Concentrate on being a good solid mom. Get more education or training, if you do not have a good job.
If you are an emotionally grounded & financially secure person, you will draw the right person to you. But right now at 35 with 3 kids from 2 dads, you look like you are looking for a meal ticket or the next victim.
You need be financially solid before anyone looking for more than a temp encounter will be interested.
I know lots of women from shaky starts & multiple children who found lovely husbands later. But each was not the least bit needy. More than one chose not to marry/have live-in until after each child graduated from high school. That makes sense to me.
Last edited by historyfan; 09-05-2016 at 11:43 AM..
Reason: spelling
Concentrate on being a good solid mom. Get more education or training, if you do not have a good job.
If you are an emotionally grounded & financially secure person, you will draw the right person to you. But right now at 35 with 3 kids from 2 dads, you look like you are looking for a meal ticket or the next victim.
You need be financially solid before anyone looking for more than a temp encounter will be interested.
I know lots of women from shaky starts & multiple children who found lovely husbands later. But each was not the least bit needy. More than one chose not to marry/have live-in until after each child graduated from high school. That makes sense to me.
Yes, this.
Also, the best thing you can do is to get some decent male role models in their lives. Get them involved with sports that have male coaches or put them in schools with a good proportion of male teachers. Or find some platonic guy friends that are truly good guys and have them somehow involved in the kids lives, maybe some relatives or dad's of their friend's kids.
I know a few blokes that have done and one that took on 4 kids
I know a woman with 4 kids who's divorced from her husband, who's dating a guy with 2 kids. This particular woman is very good looking, in pretty good shape with the right kind of curves, and has a gym membership to get herself in better shape. Here's the deal. This woman I just described above is every single mom's competition. She's in shape, she's super active in her community (even with 4 kids), and she's able to make time for college games, concerts, dates, and so on and so on. It's not just about her looks either, she has extended family and an active ex husband that helps alleviate the single parenthood burden. It takes several things going just right to make single parenthood work and be able to actively date.
I've dated single mom's online and the ones that didn't have free time to actually date, ended up falling to the back of the line. It wasn't that they weren't interesting or anything else, but they were just mostly unavailable. I don't want to sit and text and talk on the phone everyday. That's taking me away from being active, so if I'm doing that, I'm making a bet that we're going to be able to see each other 1-2 a week.
If you want to get a cream of the crop guy, and by having 3 children, you not only have to have your physical appearance in check, but also have the means to actually go out on dates, and not have to put off dates 2-3 weeks. I don't think men are worried about dating women with kids. They're worried about being pen pals, because she has no time to actually date.
Things have consequences. I don't mean that punitively, necessarily, but they do.
If I study to be a biologist, chances are I won't get an accounting job after 15 years of working as a biologist. Not because I'm stupid or wrong, just because I'm already way down a path.
By 35, I'd say the single/divorced guys are well into not just their career but also their general lifestyle and habits, and I can understand how they'd be reluctant. Plus if they're divorced, they are probably half broke and busy trying to maintain their own 2-home life.
I think for some reason having multiple kids by different dads does indeed turn some guys off. I'm sure that there are men out there that won't have a problem with it.
Sorry if I've missed this but how old are the kids?
OP has not answered this yet. OP??
When I split with my ex, my son was 5. I didn't even entertain the idea of dating until he was of an age that I could leave him alone for a few hours. I had no time to worry about men - my son kept me plenty busy and quite happy as well. Raising kids trumps dating. Any. Day. Of. The. Week.
I don't want to keep having casual sex. Been there, done that. That's another thing that puts men off, and now that I'm post-wall it's very hard to find someone who will accept me as I am, without judging me.
I don't want to keep having casual sex. Been there, done that. That's another thing that puts men off, and now that I'm post-wall it's very hard to find someone who will accept me as I am, without judging me.
35 is one of those age that is sometimes a little tough for dating. Many people that want to get married or LTR's are typically in one in the later 20's and into the thirty's as well, I think a lot of times you start to see more divorces starting to happen in the later 30's and into the 40's, just very loosely spekaing, and 35 seems to be that age that more people tend to be in relationships already. Just anecdotally speaking here.
Like others have mentioned you might want to just focus on the kids a bit more and if something happens it will, but as you get a bit older you might start to see more people become on the market again. IDK, just a few thoughts.
You have 3 kids. That means 4 other lives come before the *datee*.
Not many people want to be that far down the list as a priority. I wouldn't.
If you don't want to keep having casual sex, then stop. I can't see how that can add something positive to the household.
How long have you been single? Perhaps, it is time to concentrate on you and the kids.
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I don't want to keep having casual sex. Been there, done that. That's another thing that puts men off, and now that I'm post-wall it's very hard to find someone who will accept me as I am, without judging me.
Post - wall? What's that?
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