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Old 09-13-2016, 02:58 PM
 
Location: The Valley Of No Fun
511 posts, read 401,104 times
Reputation: 418

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
I never said ALL. But how many gay men hook up isn't the norm for many straight women. I really don't know how I can explain it to you without you assuming I'm making generalizations.
Yeah, but you are. Put the word 'many' (or even 'most' if your confident in your statistics) in front of 'gay men' and 'straight women' and you're no longer making generalizations. It's neat how language works like that.
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:01 PM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,204,934 times
Reputation: 4355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Polymath View Post
Yeah, but you are. Put the word 'many' in front of 'gay men' and 'straight woman' and you're no longer making generalizations. It's neat how language works like that.
Saying many is not insinuating all. See how language works like that? It goes without saying that there are exceptions or people who do things differently. And this is my own personal experience, but I haven't had any single, gay male friends who don't go to dance clubs to hook up or go to places where they participate in sexual activities with strangers or men they just met, and I don't know any single women who do this. I've only had two female friends I've gone out with who had sex with men they just met after we went out--and the men weren't complete strangers. They were friends of friends who tried to set them up in the first place.
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:05 PM
 
Location: The Valley Of No Fun
511 posts, read 401,104 times
Reputation: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
Saying many is not insinuating all. See how language works like that? It goes without saying that there are exceptions or people who do things differently.
No, it goes with saying. If I say, "Black men are deadbeat dads." with the assumption that there are exceptions (and that you know that's what I mean), it's going to sound to most people as all-inclusive.

Also, it's kinda a s___y thing to say either way. Stereotyping in general is crappy way to conduct life, IMO.
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:06 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,923,411 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
You must be a man. To think that a woman who says she's not looking for sex is easy to use is an insult to women's intelligence.

I know game and lies when I see it right away, and I let me know directly what I'm looking for. If they still try to run game, I send them packing. Men on dating sites can handle me because I give them a hard run for their money.

Men don't always come right out and say they want sex. They will message and say, "What are you doing?" or "Wyd?" Men who ask this question are looking to engage a woman in sex chat 100% of the time. They figure if you say you aren't doing anything, you are willing to engage their sex fantasies or send them nude pics.

I should start screen capturing and posting the messages men send me. It really is disgusting.
I'm a woman and I don't know many intelligent women who present themselves by saying they're not looking for a hook-up, or even using that language specifically on a dating site ("hook-up") (exception: very young women), but I'm sure it must happen. I'm not insulting anyone's intelligence; I'm stating what I've seen.

We see it here, too...girl after girl telling some random guy she isn't looking for just sex, then they have sex, then she claims she doesn't know why he left or didn't call or text or whatever since after all, didn't she say she didn't JUST want sex? I mean, what do you make of that? I could obviously be wrong, but what I make of it is: the guy decided - "easy target." I doubt most men are such sadists that they would deliberately TRY to hurt a girl's feelings so the only conclusion I can draw is that the man assumed the girl is either full of it, or is easy and he won't be the first, ergo, he won't break her heart. Perhaps your conclusions are different, and that's fine. I'm just stating what I see.

And no, a man assuming the woman is an easy target doesn't mean the woman *will* be an easy target. I was referring to how we present ourselves, and assumptions. I never once had to tell a man I wasn't just looking for sex. And I have really never been used that way. When I agreed and just wanted sex, sure, but that isn't being used (and it certainly wasn't often, or much of it...pretty rare). It wasn't so hard to see who was after just sex (at least from me) and to simply smile and say "no," and to move on. I never had to make big proclamations, nor do I believe making those proclamations would have prevented me getting used. What prevented me getting used, was me judging the actual relationship, gauging the guy's intent, and making intelligent decisions.

What you described in your third paragraph is roughly what I was talking about, or one part of it. There are almost always little ways to tell whether a person is invested in hopefully starting a relationship, v. when they just want sex with nothing more. (And beyond that: when they would like more, but don't especially want more from US, specifically.) IMO, MOST adults (of both genders) EVENTUALLY want sex; the difference is whether the person wants that, and that alone, and then to hop along to the next person.
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:08 PM
 
594 posts, read 379,355 times
Reputation: 270
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
I don't live in Atlanta anymore.
SoCal?
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:10 PM
 
Location: The Valley Of No Fun
511 posts, read 401,104 times
Reputation: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
I'm a woman and I don't know many intelligent women who present themselves by saying they're not looking for a hook-up, or even using that language specifically on a dating site ("hook-up"), but I'm sure it must happen. I'm not insulting anyone's intelligence; I'm stating what I've seen.
Anecdotally speaking, a lot of womens' profiles have this caveat. I'd say 1/4 to 1/3 of them.


Quote:
IMO, MOST adults (of both genders) EVENTUALLY want sex; the difference is whether the person wants that, and that alone, and then to hop along to the next person.
True (thanks for saying 'most', BTW, asexuals ARE out there...), and I don't know why that's so tough to say. Personally, when I see, "I'm not here for sex!" on a woman's profile, I take it literally and pass on it... so she loses a chance with a guy who's looking for a sincere relationship because she worded it that way. I'm gonna assume she's just looking for friends, which I'm not. I'm looking to date... to hopefully establish a relationship... and eventually have sex.

Last edited by Mr_Polymath; 09-13-2016 at 03:19 PM..
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:11 PM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,204,934 times
Reputation: 4355
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
I'm a woman and I don't know many intelligent women who present themselves by saying they're not looking for a hook-up, or even using that language specifically on a dating site ("hook-up"), but I'm sure it must happen. I'm not insulting anyone's intelligence; I'm stating what I've seen.
I am a highly intelligent woman. Trust.

I eventually HAD to say in my profiles that I am not looking for sex because I am CONSTANTLY bombarded with messages from men asking me for sex or asking me for nude photos and I was getting sick of it!
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:17 PM
 
30,907 posts, read 32,923,411 times
Reputation: 26919
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
I am a highly intelligent woman. Trust.

I eventually HAD to say in my profiles that I am not looking for sex because I am CONSTANTLY bombarded with messages from men asking me for sex or asking me for nude photos and I was getting sick of it!
I do trust you.

I accept your experiences as valid. Do you accept mine as valid?

If not, then I don't know what to tell you; you seem pretty disturbed that my experiences don't agree with yours. It's fine that this method has worked for you, and I'm glad. It DOESN'T work for every woman; in fact we have a thread going on right now where the girl slept with the guy after telling him she didn't want to just jump into sex and now she's confused. And it's very, very, very far from the first such post - and it's far from the first such story I've heard IRL. So those are *my* observations. And they too are real. Is that okay? If not, I'll just stop as you seem to be getting upset/stressed and I don't see this as very productive.
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:18 PM
 
Location: The Valley Of No Fun
511 posts, read 401,104 times
Reputation: 418
Quote:
Originally Posted by Atlanta_BD View Post
I eventually HAD to say in my profiles that I am not looking for sex because I am CONSTANTLY bombarded with messages from men asking me for sex or asking me for nude photos and I was getting sick of it!
Exactly what I mean above. You sound all around anti-sexual. Would not right swipe.
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Old 09-13-2016, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Sweet Home...CHICAGO
3,421 posts, read 5,204,934 times
Reputation: 4355
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr_Polymath View Post
Exactly what I mean above. You sound all around anti-sexual. Would not right swipe.
I am not at all anti-sexual. I don't like being sexually harassed by men I don't know who want to send me c*ck pics unsolicited or ask me if I want to have sex with them and we haven't even had a conversation--not that your opinion of me matters.

Besides, when you are constantly asked about sex and hook-ups when you make it clear you are looking for a relationship and not casual sex, it gets pretty frustrating after a while.

I got a message from a man this morning that read, "Can we f*ck?" Am I supposed to be flattered by that?
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