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You would not only be losing your freedom to go and come as you please, you would lose all your freedoms.
Most folks really have no understanding on how un-free they really are. If you value personal freedom to grow and develop how you want, when you want and at what pace you want...having kids will stifle that.
On the contrary, there are plenty of us who understand fully the impact of offspring's needs coming before our wants, and embrace that, because we value the positive impact our children make in our lives more.
The "people just don't understand how badly they're damaging their lives by having kids" line is both condescending, because it assumes that "people just don't know what's good for them," and implies that you DO know what's good for others, even if they don't, and also foolish, because it presumes that everyone values the same things. Certain avenues in life are shut to me, and if not shut, greatly complicated, as a parent. Same for my husband. The fact that we chose parenthood, however, speaks to what we value most. As, hopefully, do most people's choices.
I know my feelings on this are not popular, but I'm an old fashioned woman. My husband tries to make me happy, if he can (and vice versa). If I wanted 10 kids or no kids, that is what we'd have.
OP had to let his "soulmate" go, because he is too selfish to give her what she wants. It is he who doesnt love her enough, not the other way around.
Not sure why the gf didnt just get pregnant by him, if shes intent on getting a frozen pop, or otherwise getting pregnant on her own. At least she'd know the father.
So, wanting to "come and go as you please" isn't selfish?
It's an innate quality that all of us share. Who does not want to be able to come and go as they please? Who does not want to walk their own life's journey at their pace and in the direction they want?
I can't imagine being shacked down with life choices that strip these innate qualities from me.
At a very young age, freedom was my motivator in life. I realized that when I am in control of my ship vs. my ship being controlled by poor life choices, that my life was much better and productive.
Everyone has the right to venture upon their own life's journey. Some want kids and others don't.
Wanting kids can also be viewed as selfish. Just depends on how you want to slice and dice it.
We came into this world free. We have every-right to want to pursue and maintain that freedom.
I know my feelings on this are not popular, but I'm an old fashioned woman. My husband tries to make me happy, if he can (and vice versa). If I wanted 10 kids or no kids, that is what we'd have.
OP had to let his "soulmate" go, because he is too selfish to give her what she wants. It is he who doesnt love her enough, not the other way around.
If a guy doesn't want kids, it's well within his rights not to want one, nor should he be forced into one. Doesn't make him selfish at all.
That's also a double standard argument.
Edit-If anything, the only selfish thing he did was getting into a relationship with a woman that wanted kids, while he knew he didn't want them.
i believe every child deserves a father. hence i think using a sperm donor is selfish. yes my ex wants a child desperately, but that child needs 2 parents, not 1.
Well, that's not your decision and if your ex has cut-off contact with you, it looks like your opinion on the matter isn't a factor either.
Signed,
Raised mostly by a single mother and doing just fine
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,718,665 times
Reputation: 41376
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts
I know my feelings on this are not popular, but I'm an old fashioned woman. My husband tries to make me happy, if he can (and vice versa). If I wanted 10 kids or no kids, that is what we'd have.
OP had to let his "soulmate" go, because he is too selfish to give her what she wants. It is he who doesnt love her enough, not the other way around.
Not sure why the gf didnt just get pregnant by him, if shes intent on getting a frozen pop, or otherwise getting pregnant on her own. At least she'd know the father.
It is not that your feelings aren't popular. Your feelings are completely wrong. There is a difference.
I think she is selfish for placing a kid over a guy she supposedly loves. Not that that is wrong but the consequence is the relationship is over. I have no problem with the OP sticking to his guns and not creating a child he isn't prepared mentally to love and care for.
Wow. Parenting is just a different lifestyle than beings child free. Acting like parenting is some awful life sentence.. Umm.. Strange mindset to have, IMO
On the contrary, there are plenty of us who understand fully the impact of offspring's needs coming before our wants, and embrace that, because we value the positive impact our children make in our lives more.
What you are talking about and what I meant are two entirely different topics.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
The "people just don't understand how badly they're damaging their lives by having kids" line is both condescending, because it assumes that "people just don't know what's good for them," and implies that you DO know what's good for others, even if they don't, and also foolish, because it presumes that everyone values the same things.
I suppose you will have to take this up with the person who made those claims.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
Certain avenues in life are shut to me, and if not shut, greatly complicated, as a parent. Same for my husband. The fact that we chose parenthood, however, speaks to what we value most. As, hopefully, do most people's choices.
Good for you that you wanted that lifestyle...it's not for everyone and those who do not value that lifestyle should not be demonized for it. Just because others don't want kids does not mean they have poor values. I have much more freedom to help creatures in need as well as help others who are less fortunate, than a parent who is tied up raising kids.
Child-free people also have great values...so what if they are different from yours? Raising kids is not any more valuable than a person who is child-free helping other families, children and animals that are in need all across this planet.
there are plenty of disabilities that show up on ultrasound though- so parents can make the decision of whether or not they want to continue with the pregnancy. Down syndrome, for one, shows up on ultrasound.
Not all do. By far.
My son, who is classic/Kanner autistic, intellectually delayed (at age 13 his mean academic level is grade 2, month 6), will never live on his own, required many exhausting very parental hands-on therapies per week for years, was not out of diapers until age 5 and is on medication, has absolutely nothing organically wrong with his brain that either an extensive sleeping MRI or an EEG were able to detect, nor anything anywhere outside the range of normal in any other detectable way.
As far as in utero, all scans showed a beautifully growing fetus with zero markers of any kind for any condition.
He was born at term at a healthy weight and alert, with Apgars of 9 at birth, 10 at 5 minutes of age.
He is an absolutely lovely, movie star handsome, tall, sweet, kindly, curious boy who will never drive a car, never live independently, never be a parent (unless by accident, which would of course mean we or someone else would've raising the child).
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