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That kind of sucks for her that this detail wasn't ironed out earlier on. I guess she was thinking you'd change your mind.
People can actually change their mind at anytime its a tough spot to be in sometimes
Because theres no way to compromise on this scenario if the partner wants a child and the other one doesn't
Although they shouldn't have become involved with each other in the first place, I respect her for being strong enough to break it off after 18 months. That was plenty of time to see the writing on the wall and know that it was time to leave before it was too late. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision for her, but she did what she had to do. I've got to give her kudos for that. The OP is obviously the weaker one of the two, who obviously would have continued to stay in the doomed relationship for who knows how long.
That kind of sucks for her that this detail wasn't ironed out earlier on. I guess she was thinking you'd change your mind.
Well, it's likely she did think that was a possibility, particularly in light of the whole thing about him deciding to go to therapy in order to try to work out his fears/concerns about a future baby. To me that would pretty much signal that he was considering having a child with her after all. It's not a surprise that she thought such a thing.
At the same time, he states upthread that he was hoping SHE'D change HER mind.
So, yes. From both sides. This is why it could never have worked out. Each had a life plan in place before meeting the other; the life plans conflicted; and each thought the other would change.
There are many deal-breakers, and that is one. She was honest from the start about what she wanted. You weren't. You waffled and kind of lead her to believe that you might be willing to consider parenthood.
You are hurt because she put herself ahead of you. This is a very strong need of hers and she comes first to her. That is the way it is supposed to be.
If she stayed with you and gave up her dream then she would always resent you and the relationship wouldn't work.
This is similar to telling someone how to live their life. Forbidding her from having a career or friends or family. By not supporting her need to have a family, you are denying her a family.
Being a parent is really hard and you have a good reason not to want to do that, but let her go and don't take it personally. You want non-negotiable different things and that is irreconcilable differences.
Many divorces are not due to lack of love, but irreconcilable differences.
Many babies are accidents and the parents don't get to choose, or the choice is not an easy one. Men don't get to choose often because unplanned pregnancies happen every day even due to birth control failure. The woman has the choice, not the man. The man doesn't have to be on board to be held responsible.
You didn't want the responsibility. That is understandable but she gave you a choice and did not try and deceive you. Can you say the same?
What is a soulmate anyway? In my opinion that is rubbish. I am very spiritual and I believe that every relationship is for a reason but that reason may not be 'true love always and forever'. If you are destined to spend your lives together you would be doing that but that is not the plan, so why use the term 'soulmate' when you don't even know what it means.
Do we have a group soul? or an individual soul? or a twin flame? and how would you know this. What is a soul? I think what you meant was you had deep feelings for her and were emotionally bonded in a way that felt special to you.
This is mean, but the way you are whining about her doing the only fair and responsible thing that she could under the circumstances makes me think that you want to be the baby.
You made the mistake in leading her on, not in letting her go. If you love something, set it free.
Last edited by Veronicka; 09-09-2016 at 06:49 PM..
Did i make a huge mistake in letting my partner go, due to her wanting a child?
Have i just made a huge mistake?
No one can say that you made a mistake, or that you did the right thing. You are just probably questioning it right now because you feel lonely and/or you are missing sex which you probably had regularly, now its gone, so you're horny and bummed out.
People can actually change their mind at anytime its a tough spot to be in sometimes
Because theres no way to compromise on this scenario if the partner wants a child and the other one doesn't
Yes, people can change their minds. This is why I always did "state of the union" talks every six months or so, regardless of how smoothly things were going.
Also, I have never continued to date someone once he said he wanted kids. Often enough, I'd hear something like, "No one is talking about marriage and a family right now. We barely know each other," to which my response was, "But I know enough to know it won't work in the long run."
The toughest part of this is knowing that i have - finally- met a woman who i truly love and who loves me- yet having to helplessly watch as she walks away due to me not being able to give her this child. And then having to cope with all the pain and hurt of missing her.
Some of my friends said that the baby was always the primary thing for my ex and i was the guy who appeared on the scene just when " baby fever " hit her at age 36. i dont know what to make of this. As she is the one who ended the relationship, do you think she is moving on quite quickly now, especially as she is 38 so time is of the essence to her?
One week on and i miss her like crazy in every way and cannot stop thinking about her.
The toughest part of this is knowing that i have - finally- met a woman who i truly love and who loves me- yet having to helplessly watch as she walks away due to me not being able to give her this child. And then having to cope with all the pain and hurt of missing her.
Some of my friends said that the baby was always the primary thing for my ex and i was the guy who appeared on the scene just when " baby fever " hit her at age 36. i dont know what to make of this. As she is the one who ended the relationship, do you think she is moving on quite quickly now, especially as she is 38 so time is of the essence to her?
One week on and i miss her like crazy in every way and cannot stop thinking about her.
Believe me I completely understand mate but you can't offer her what she wants so you have to let go and let her enjoy her life.
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